Mr. Francis York Morgan,

Technically, DP is a charlie foxtrot
It's ugly, and crashes a lot

You'll have to wrestle with it to play
Set compatibility and back up your saves

The port to mouse is cause to frown
York can aim neither up nor down

It makes attempts to be realistic
But lays the uncanny valley effect on thick

E.g., a map to some godforsaken hole
Costs 71 times the fine for destroying a telephone pole

And you can subsist on cans of tomato paste
Open them first? But that would be a waste!

The presence of zombies is never explained
(Save that without them, revenue might not be gained)

Gameplay has a few minor flaws
Like the crazy handling when driving cars

Even so, if you're playing for the story
Buy it (on sale); you won't be sorry

You control a federal investigator
Tracking a supernatural serial killer

The fourth wall is cleverly under attack
York is schizo, and thinks you're his friend Zach

You'll travel to a small town and meet the residents
Who have lives of their own (and don't always make sense)

Question them, and learn the local folklore
Might it be real and connected to the recent gore?

You'll find there's more to this case than meets the eye
If at the Raincoat Killer's hands you don't die

Still, no need to rush in investigating the deaths
Goodness knows, there's always time for sidequests

So says Mr. Stewart.

Note for pedants who have already played the game: I know York has dissociative identity disorder, not schizophrenia, but it looks like schizophrenia until episode 6, and I don't want to spoil that reveal.