Recent reviews by boomer

Gonna have to pirate a single player game I already own because I don't remember my password for their third-party launcher and I've been waiting hours for an email to reset it.

Everything after the first "ending" is pure cancer. Making me play the first half of the story twice to get to the second half is bad writing. The devs didn't use it as an opportunity to expand on 9S's perspective at all, it's only used as a way to time-gate certain items. A competent writer could have shown both character's perspectives in a single run. ♥♥♥♥ off.

The second half of the story sucks so bad. More than once I spent 5+ minutes fighting hordes of enemies just to realize they're spawning infinitely, even though enemies were finite in every single fight for the previous 20 hours, because I was supposed to run to a map marker. Then they decide to add this "virus" sequence where you have to walk across the entire map, which is designed for vertical movement, while randomly taking away your ability to jump and sprint, while spamming attacks from enemies. And, spoiler alert, you're gonna die anyway, but if you die during this sequence you have to restart. Just to watch yourself die. ♥♥♥♥ off.

The credits roll for the third time and I really hope it's finally over, but it's not. Time to play through a bunch of really boring epilogue quests. Shoot some balls in the desert. Attack a few enemies in a tower. Play a really slow game of rock'em sock'em robots in the ocean. Instead of respawning and being tasked with finding your corpse like the rest of the game, dying in these epilogue quests means you restart from the last save. Didn't save after completing two epilogue quests because the game didn't warn you about that? Too bad, ♥♥♥♥♥♥, go back and play those boring quests again. After all, this game was literally written to be played twice.

♥♥♥♥ off.

I'm not finished with the endings yet but I'm so pissed off at how bad it is that I had to write a review. I'm unfriending the person who told me to play it, finishing it today or tomorrow, then uninstalling and considering asking valve to remove it from my account. What a colossal piece of ♥♥♥♥.

Edit: I'm still fuming so I'm gonna keep going.

The controls are absolute ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. The devs went with a fixed camera perspective in some sequences, which makes it impossible to see enemies who are within striking distance. The lock-on feature for your pod (little machine that shoots enemies) can't be switched from enemy to enemy easily, and all of your attacks will move in that direction, so you gotta hit the lock-on button like 15 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ times to get the right enemy sometimes. Sometimes inputs just don't register at all, or they will register but nothing will happen. So sometimes the evade animation will play but I'll still take damage, or I just won't evade at all and take damage. The missile pod bugged out and didn't shoot half of the times I tried to use it. Hitboxes are completely ♥♥♥♥♥♥. I'll be a smooth 10 feet away from an enemy and still take physical damage. Other times I'll watch my sword go through an enemy's mesh but they take no damage. ALL of the side quests are fetch quests, with three exceptions, and those are just as boring.

"But the story is a masterpiece!"

You should go to jail for having this opinion. The story is full of plot holes (just like the anime spin-off). YoRHa androids REGULARLY sync with the server in the bunker. This isn't conjecture on my part, it is stated multiple times throughout the game. It's even a crucial plot point later in the game. Every single bad thing that happens in the second half of the game is because YoRHa androids regularly sync with the bunker. So WHY are we pretending it's a tragedy when 9S dies in the intro? He's losing, what, maybe a day's worth of memories? Who ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cares?!?!?!?!?!?

Major spoilers ahead but who cares.

Later, YoRHa androids are attacking you because they're infected with a virus. They all got this virus from the bunker at the same time because like I said before: YoRHA androids sync with the bunker server regularly. 2B and 9S get swarmed and have to detonate their black boxes, killing both 2B and 9S and sending them back to their bunkers with their memory in tact.

So... either 9S had plenty of time to upload his memories during the prologue and that dramatic scene was for nothing, or 2B and 9S should NOT have had their memories when they got back to the bunker. Also, when they returned to the bunker and inevitably retrieved their memories from the server, they didn't get the virus, even though that's how everyone single YoRHa android (all of them, every single ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ one) got the virus. Weird! It's either a major plot hole or both main characters have impenetrable plot armor. You decide.

It's also never explained why 2B and 9S like each other so much. I guess you could make the argument that 9S is unfamiliar with 2B because he lost his memories (even though he regularly syncs with the server and remembers everything about everyone else) but that doesn't explain why 2B doesn't know his nickname and treats him like a foreign entity. Yet, 30 minutes later, she's crying over his corpse like they've been lovers for years. What the ♥♥♥♥ is happening? Their relationship hardly develops throughout the story, too. It's all just implied that you should care about this romance but I don't care at all. The writers are trying way too hard to ship those two as a couple and it doesn't make any sense.