Recent reviews by auritech

hi, this is my review of marvel rivals.

they finally did it. they made me hate spider-man.

on a scale of big rigs over the road racing to dark souls iii, i give this game a cautiously optimistic yet addictive "marvel rivals."

that is all. i love you.

hi, this is my review of far cry 5.

while i enjoy the idea of shooting loony cultists, the far cry people can't tell good stories. they just can't, they always do a bad job of it and leave you strapped to your chair and iv feed you silly nonsense while you do fun stuff like take a squirrel suit over a cliff face or fish. granted, there's a lot of fun stuff to do (the flying mechanics are great) and a lot of space to roam, and they generally outweigh the little things like the gunplay not being all that great and the collect-a-thons coming straight out of european amiga platformers.

that ending tho... that ending can go eat a discarded cigarette that's been stepped on by shoes with sewer grime from victorian england. suffice it to say, i will not be purchasing "new dawn."

on a scale of big rigs over the road racing to dark souls iii, i give this game a disappointed, yet satisfied "far cry 5."

that is all. i love you.

hi, this is my review of vampire survivors.

it's the best game about vampires. very true to life. it has a lot of real life events, like what happens if you are stuck in a milk factory, delicious recipes for floor chicken, and coffins with the wrong people in them. i met a guy named "antonio" in real life and he is a nice guy. italy is cool.

anyway, if you start this game, you will think "ok, i'll play for 15 minutes." one blink later, it's 3am and you haven't even unlocked any secrets yet. but you're almost there. almost. one more time. you'll get it. i believe in you.

on a scale of big rigs over the road racing to dark souls iii, i give this game a hearty, resounding "vampire survivors."

that is all. i love you.

hi, this is my review for dark souls iii.

i like it.

on a scale of big rigs over the road racing to dark souls iii, i give this game a incomprehensibly effusive "dark souls iii."

that is all. i love you.

hi, this is my review of the cycle: frontier.

i played it for 90 minutes and i thought it was ok. then i left to do other things after exiting the game, came back to check on steam a few hours later and found the app was still running in the background. thus my "5 hour" play time. nope. even if you fix stuff later, i don't tolerate games that lie.

on a scale of big rigs over the road racing to dark souls iii, i give this game a disappointing "the cycle: frontier."

that is all. i love you.

hi this is my review of 'akane'

i actually know an akane in real life but as far as i know she doesn't have a sword or a gun or wicked kicks but i think she might smoke. so this game lets me imagine what her life must be like. it is the kind of game i really like to sink hours into: wave based, old school, limitless waves of enemies, and it encourages you to get better and rewards you when you do. the visuals mix the 2d retro look with lots and lots of bright colors, reminding you what shibuya was like before the "thing." unless you're reading this after the "thing" in which case that's what shibuya is like. the sword slanging is fun, the gunplay is simple and to the point, the specials are awesome to pull off, and most importantly, though you do need to learn a bit about the controls, they stick with you and if you put this down, they come right back to mind once you pick it up again. if i had one complaint about the game, it's that the linux version (i'm bi-os, i use windows and linux) has some sort of issue where the graphics won't display, but i'm not sure if this game was developed with linux in mind or is just proton unfriendly so don't worry about that if you are a windows user.

all in all, this is super duper fun time for those who just like jumping into a game and doin' some slaughter, so if what appeals to me also appeals to you, do not hesitate and get this game. on a scale of ghostbusters 2016 to geometry wars 2, i give this game a very stellar 'akane.'

thanks for your time. i love you

hi this is my review of bullet witch. i've already beaten the game on xbox 360 so i feel qualified to give my thoughts on this port. it's not a good port of not a good game. it seems like they straight up took the code and assets and just dumped it on pc. perhaps they were inspired by the well-received port of bayonetta to pc and thought "hey, our shooty witch game came first!!! let's make it a pc game too!" it is true, bullet witch predates bayonetta by a few years, but bullet witch was a budget game released in north america and europe by atari (the re-skinned infogrames atari, not the real one). so i am not recommending this game to you, dear reader, because you wouldn't like it. however! i do like it. i like its janky charm, its weird post-apocalyptic, zombie soldier killing setting, and the protagonista herself is pretty cool if she were in a better game. the core game plays competently if completely awkwardly (and is even more awkward due to the fact that they almost literally slapped the xbox 360 ui into the game irrespective of being on pc now). on the other hand, the port is totally broken because you cannot play it without it stuttering all the time unless you plug in a controller. how they haven't patched that is beyond me but hey, whatevs. the launcher fails ui 101, and has very few decent options for customization, so fire up your nvidia control panel or radeon adrenalin and force the anti-aliasing and anisotropic filtering there because you can't do it in game. anyway, this is a super lazy port and i'm thumbing it down for that reason but i kinda like the game a lot, it's more fun than you'd think it'd be. that's all for now. i love you

hi, this is my review.
blade kitten is an average but somewhat enjoyable action platforming game with some awkward combat mechanics that you get used to. you can buy stuff and upgrade your character. the story is saturday morning cartoon quality (sorry, i'm old, they used to have cartoons on saturday mornings in america). but it's ok. it's almost like pandemonium with a knife fetish but not quite. there are cute things in the game. i'm fine with that. there's a lot of hopping and jumping. the other downsides other than the awkward controls are that it's still a bit buggy even though i've heard it was cleaned up from its original release and the music is garbage. i turned off the music and listened to meshuggah's obZen album instead and even though jens kidman's voice breaks the vibe a bit during cutscenes it's way better than whatever honks and farts they recorded and put into this game. anyways it shouldn't offend your sensibilities and also i recommend it to people who like catgirls even though that is not what i'm into (i swear). also it was developed by an australian studio and they need all the help they can get so tip my hat to those blokes this arvo. on a scale of big rigs over the road racing to half-life 2 i give it a resounding blade kitten. thanks for your time.