144 people found this review helpful
67 people found this review funny
5
Recommended
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 28.4 hrs on record
Posted: Jul 10, 2017 @ 3:38pm

I'd like to start off this review by saying I played this game for 28.4 hours. I know it says that on this review already BUT I NEED TO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ STRESS I. PLAYED. THIS. GAME. FOR. 28.4 HOURS. This isn't hyperbole. This isn't some "minimIze the game and cheese it" ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I played this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game. I PLAYED IT. Why for that long you ask? Am I a monogloid? Well...yes. But that is besides the point. I decided to do a "no hint" run. What would posess me to do such a thing? What sane fat streamer would ever undertake such a stressful situation onto his already failing heart? Me. I would. I'm an idiot.

As I sat there watching the putrid credits roll...it hit me. This game accomplished exactly what it set out to accomplish. To make the player feel as though they've wasted their time. I feel nothing. As I recall the scantily clad Marianna and her useless conversations...my pants don't even move. Flaccid as a limp noodle I sit here. My sexual drive is gone. I'm an A-sexual now. All the color has left my face. I guessed every single ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ person before I figured out who did it. I'm a failure as a detective and as a doctor. Bryce's ♥♥♥♥ of an accent is all I hear in my ear. "I'm a gravedigger and I'm coming for you next."

Sleep is something of the past. I've been awake for the last 72 hours. The weird ass shadow girl that randomly shows up in this dumpsterfire of a narrative caught me looking at questionable hentai on my computer yesterday. I think she is gonna tell my mom. I'm unhinged. A shell of a man. A piece of pathetic meat waiting for my demise. This game has broken me. I will give one warning to whoever sets out to complete this game using no hints.

DON'T.

P.S. WHY THE ♥♥♥♥ ARE THERE MORE ACHIEVEMENTS FOR USING HINTS IN THIS GAME THAN FOR NOT USING HINTS IS THIS REAL LIFE?

P.S.S.S. Check out my live stream at twitch.tv/mrfrost231

P.S.S.S.S. I was Global Elite in CSGO until the rank shift and now I'm silver II and it's so toxic it's impossible to climb.
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29 Comments
msb Jan 15 @ 9:05pm 
I started playing without hints, I too wanted to play this game without hints. It was awful. I tried tons of sentences, then tons of words, nothing worked, all I'd get was "I don't know about that", "no idea". Then I decided, "ok, I'll just take a peek at the hints". And boy, at that moment I realized what a waste of time would be to keep trying to play the game without the hints. They had the same things I had already asked, just worded differently. And they would have things I would never think of asking, that seemed pretty much disconnected to everything else.
So yeah, kudos to you for finishing this game in 28 hours without hints. Even with hints I don't think I'll complete the game in that time or less. I like FMV, I like the premise and lovecraft references, I like the creators of this game (I've played other games from them that I enjoyed)... but this game is pretty much like you said, it tries to kill you on the inside, makes you feel like you've wasted your time.
Gamehorder Oct 16, 2019 @ 3:40pm 
seek help
ameri Jul 11, 2017 @ 1:24pm 
This game is excellent. The story line makes me engrossed into the game. I have to say, if you are into gameplay, you probably wouldn't want to play. You sometimes get times to walk and fight, but most of the time, you are pressing keys that appear on the screen to perform an action. But for me, that is okay.
Deaf Gaming (legally deaf) Jul 11, 2017 @ 7:51am 
You will never get those 28.4 hours back. Play contradiction u fat frick XD
dookie Jul 10, 2017 @ 5:13pm 
aplfisher on xbox live
eco Jul 10, 2017 @ 5:03pm 
All the small things
True care truth brings
I'll take one lift
Your ride best trip
Always I know
You'll be at my show
Watching, waiting, commiserating

Say it ain't so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Late night, come home
Work sucks, I know
She left me roses by the stairs
Surprises let me know she cares

Say it ain't so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Say it ain't so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Keep your head still, I'll be your thrill
The night will go on, my little windmill

Say it ain't so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Keep your head still, I'll be your thrill
The night will go on
The night will go on
My little windmill
gigglingrasputin Jul 10, 2017 @ 3:58pm 
This game gave my fat pop, Scottpop, a receding hairline. =(
proph. || 気を付けて Jul 10, 2017 @ 3:44pm 
I've played this game for almost 69 hours now WITH hints to only get 420% completion, but now I realize without hints is MUCH QUICKER to plow through this game like Marinara's bootycheeks, thanks Bro! (:
Frozen Jul 10, 2017 @ 3:43pm 
"Never Gonna Give You Up"

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching, but
You're too shy to say it
Inside, we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you