The Polite Terrorist Cow
Gudder Obber McDinkinson   Canada
 
 
Frog: "Wanna see a magic trick? I can make your virginity disappear."
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Devote: "OOOOH I caught a catshark MEOW!!!"
Devote: "Ahhh Fuck! Son of a Bitch!" *pause* "Well that was interesting." *Everyone in TS* "What?" Devote: "I just fucking fell out of my chair."
Devote: "Is that another mosquito? I swear that guy is doing a fucking driveby."
Skye: "Oh my God your brother plays League? What a fucking loser."

*Screaming in Penguin's mic* Caleb: "WHAT?! YOU WANT SOME WATER?! WHAT DO YOU THINK, I'M YOUR SLAVE BOY?! HUH!?! THATS WHAT I THOUGHT, FOOL!"

*Frog turns on his voice-changer to high-pitch settings* Frog: "Hey guys!" Skye: "Oh my fucking god! Its so fucking CUTE!!"

*Devote's snake falls out of its cage* Devote: "You stupid bitch! The fuck are you doing?!" *Picks the snake up* "Dumbass".
Devote: "Hey Penguin is an Indian. He has the nose of one" *TS Explodes*
Devote: "Wait, the little mosquitos can bite?" Pride: "Yeah" Devote: "Oh fuck. Come here buddy, I'm gonna fuck you raw."

*Jack had a dream* Jack: "So anyways, I was A-Sexual and had to defend the Nike socks from all the straight people who were trying to kill the socks..."

Pride: "Its like a pedophile on a plane" Cow: "Samuel L. Jackson is back for more!" Pride: "Get these muthafukin pedos off my muthafuckin plane!"

Jack: "Pride, are you having flashbacks of Vietnam again?" Devote: "Shut the fuck up Jack".
Penguin: "Tell your boss that I have a condom if she needs it cuz I sure as hell am not gonna use it.... my life is depressing"
Cody: "Oh God they said GG they must be hacking"
*Cody wins a super ugly clutch* Cody: "God dude, I think my balls went into my fucking throat right then", Supreme: "Dude, I swear I felt your balls in my fucking throat" *akward laughing* ... *silence*
Sunny: "csgo? 4/5 =D" Cow: "not atm" Sunny: "okays xD" Cow: "busy fucking a radish" Sunny: "............................... o_O"
Balsac ft. CSGO: "Jase, buy an AWP. Everyone else ...... fuck em' up"
Pride: "You know who you remind me of? Stiffler." Devote: "From..." Cow: "American Pie? Thats a compliment there Devote." Devote: "Yeah man! But that means someone has to fuck my Mom" Pride: "I'll fuck your Dad" Devote: "Sure, but he's got back problems so you gotta go light on him" Pride: "Its fine, I have back problems too so we'll be like "Ow, Ow! Ow, OW!"

*Frog starts laughing super hard and emitts a high pitch squeak* Pride: "Holy Shit are we in Jurrasic Park?!" *Cow promptly dies laughing*
*Cody is doing maths* Cody: "Holy shit, I got some Inception shit going on right here."
*Playing CSGO* Blake: "I'm back on the bottom where I belong..." Cody: "God Eeyore, be quiet!"
Will: "Who the fuck uses Instagram?! That is the deadest app ever!" Blake: "Bro, ever heard of MySpace?" *TS Explodes*
Skye: "Oh, it just went in my mouth" *silence after a really uncomfortable gag* "OK, time to clean up!"
*Gunrat gets a gay kill in H1Z1* Gunrat: "Get one pumped faggot OOOHHHH!!!"
*Talking about random shit* Skye: "I like the fact that I'm inbetween both of you" *REALLY akward silence* Gunrat: "Alt-F10! Shadowplay get over here!"
Will: "Bro where are you from? Fucking Nigeria?!" Random: "Columbus" Cody: "SAME SHITHOLE!"
Cody: "Oilers? What the fuck is that? Some Canadian frisby golf sports shit?"
Cody: "When I imagine Putin I imagine him in a brothel with a 16 inch slammer just hanging from his waist"

url=http://prntscr.com/cbb1vc ]"Froge uh... drew a picture..."[/url]
<3 [imgur.com]
<3 [i.imgur.com]
<3 [i.imgur.com]
Currently Offline
Last Online 1 hrs, 17 mins ago
Screenshot Showcase
If autism looked badass
Inspiring Quotes From Inspiring People:
"It comes down to rip" - Penguin2k15
"I dont care if I get banned hacking, its about the fucking principle!!" - xCodeinE
"If it looks like a fish and it smells like a fish, it sure as FUCK is not a chicken!" - xCodeinE ft. CS:GO Hacking Conversation
"I'm going to hell then because this girl is hot" - Penguin2k15
"Why the FUCK haven't I ranked up yet?!" - ★f0rtY fivE★
"You're supposed to dodge them? I thought you were supposed to hit them!!" - Ninja Frog
"He's going to moo in you" - ✪ William0k
"Hey, can I loot her washer...?" - Penguin2k15 ft. Borderlands 2
Cow: "Do you want to play the gayest game of CS ever?" Denty: "Why, are you in it?"
Denty: "We have to go see that bitch, or as I call her, Cow's mom"
"If your brain was on a scale of 1 to 10 it'd be a 9/11" - ✪ William0k
"There are no fucking penguins in the US!" - ✪ William0k
Will: "Let me change my ping." *Gets accept button* King Cunt: "Is it because you changed it to 9.11?"
Will: "How much, on a scale of 1 to..." Cow: "NOPE!"
Random: "He's hiding behind site!"
*Cody looks at a link in ts. Awkward Silence...* Cody: "How do I look at it?"
Penguin: "His forhead was massive". Cody: "Which one?"
Luci: "Its programmed for dick", Me: "It understands dick" Luci: ... "Speaking of dick..." *silence*
Klitz: "I'LL DO IT MY FUCKING SELF!!!" - Ft. CS:GO
CodeinE: "Osama Bin Laden could have been chillin in Canada and you guys would have been like 'Fuck, free continental breakfast'".
CodeinE: "I mean, Penguin does sound like a guy with downs." Penguin: "And Cody sounds like a fat whore with a neckbeard"
M 0 l2 1 7 5 U N 3: "I'd spend it on blow and hookers" uspenguin: "Its hookers and blow you illiterate fuck!"
"...and it suddenly busts out of your pants and starts flopping around on your keyboard so you can't tywrtjudfgjktuil tiuly8ruedjtgfncvb" - Nade (online anon)
gregzorz: "This guy is like, wearing one earbud... in his mouth."
gregzorz: "You guys know how VAC works, right?" xCodeinE: "Yeah, it doesn't."
uspenguin: "I mean, I'd be down for some AIDS."
Ninja_Frog: *Changes from 16:9 to 4:3* "Oh my gosh my hands are HUGE!!!"
Cody: "So you're from like, US of Canada then, right?"
Paradox: *Talking about Geography stuff* "Cody, have you ever heard of geometry?" *Teamspeak explodes*
midget2k: "hey dick". Ninja_Froge: "Hey, You say hi to my dick before me?" midget2k: "oh shit. Sorry".
*Frog makes a noise* Cody: "Whats up Cow, I mean Penguin, I mean FUCK... FROG! Its one of you fucking animals!"
Penguin: "Yeah, we just killed a *voice crack* guy" Cow: "Did you kill him with that voice crack?"
Cow: "Even cody's daughter is calling him out." Cody: "Right? She's like, 'Dad! Get your fucking worthless peice of shit fat ass out the fucking door!'"
“Cow, what is that picture?! I hate you. Can't even.” - uspenguin
"I've done way too much cocaine in my life... But at least I still have my headset." - Cody
"Can anyone spare a little change? Thanks, I'm sure I'll try to not kill anything with it." - Supremacy ft. CSGO
"Cody: Shut up Cow. I talk to bitches and get them all day..." Penguin: "Over the phone."
Penguin: "I wish I was good at something when I was twelve, aside from beating off."
"He's right over there!" - Sparkie 2k16
*Supremacy gets stuck on a wall* "What the fuck?! What is stopping me?!" *Looks at wall; unloads a full AK47 clip* "Fuck you, you fucking peice of shit!"
*Talking about mobile games* Cody: "Its a game for telephones".
"This song sounds like two anorexic bitches finger-fucking eachother inside a bag of doritos." - Cody 2k16
Jase: "Thats the Nemo from finding Shark!" Cody: "I swear you have fucking downs some days..."
*Directed to Will* Penguin: "Let me go take a piss while he turns on his brain."
Cow: "But yeah, I'm straight." Penguin: "Sure. In the meantime you can hit Cow up at Pornhub(dot)com/sparklerainbowfaggot69"
*Addressing a CSGO God 1v1 player* "Wait, how are you doing that?! ... An ability? What is this; Skyrim?!" - Penguin
Penguin: "This mod though... I can't finger it out." Supreme: "You can't finger it out?" Penguin: "Nope, I cunt finger it out".
Cody: "How many times do you think Supremacy washes his beard?" Paradox: "Twice." Cody: "Twice?" Paradox: "Yeah. Once on New Years and once on New Years Eve."
Mamma Penguin: "He's grounded because he's getting an F in a language that he fucking grew up speaking!"
Penguin: "See, I'm pressing a button and moving. Its called intuition!"
Cody: "Tell your stepdad that I'll fight for your mom right now."
Mamma Penguin: *To Penguin* "I think you need to find real friends. Maybe you could get out and meet a nice girl."
Penguin: "Mom, you're not getting grandkids from me! Rely on Aspen instead. She'll go out and meet people and give you your grandkids, by accident, but still..."
Cody: "OMG Sparkie you have 1 fucking bullet fucking re-fucking-load!!" *1 round later* Cody: "Sparkie, get back on the fucking site!" *2 rounds later* Cody: "I'm the Jesus!!"
Cody: "Yeah, my mom is gonna be home soon too, so I should probably go clean up... *akward silence* And by my mom I mean my wife."
Cody: "Penguin, you have no place to talk. You'd probably walk into the heart of fucking Ethiopia and bang 25 bitches." Penguin: "Dude, I'm down for the Hiv. Go to STD(dot)com and you find a fine one and keep her. You win some you lose some."
Cody: "Calam punching someone in the face... he'd have a better chance spotting a unicorn in the fucking desert."
Penguin: "I'm a bad influence on myself... dammit."
Cody: *Looks at Sparkie's irl name* "...Holy shit, your parents fucked you."
Cody: *Talking to his kid* "You'd better not be getting any tattoos kid. I'll whoop that ass harder than its ever been whipped" Cody's Kid: *with sass* "Too late."
FourtyFive: "Cody!? Wanna get gay man?"
*Will is playing Dark Souls 3* Will: "OOOOH!!! Aids are falling from the sky!" Penguin: "Nades are falling from the sky?" Will: "Yes. Nades."
Solar: "What was the last time the US actually did anything of use?" Will: "Hiroshima"...
Penguin: "Welcome to the bathroom Cow!" Caleb *Giggles like a perv* "Where all the magic happens"
Caleb *Streching his arms across Penguin's closet* "Yeah, I've got some long wingspan". Penguin: "Its armspan you retard. Does it look like we have wings?"
*Penguin is giving a skype tour of his house* ; *Hops on his bed and proceeds to make violently rampant love to Cow* Penguin: "COW!!! OH COW!!! OOOHH COOOOWW!!!"
Penguin: *Talking to Sparkie* "My face is SOOOOOOOO open right now."
Penguin: "I have like, half a drink left... more like 4/8ths maybe."
Pride: "Penguin, you can't just text her and be like "I'm gonna wreck you"" *Penguin takes a picture of his tongue out and sends it to a girl* Penguin's Text: "I'm gonna wreck you"
Pride: "No, trust me, I'd bend him over and fuck him so hard that he'd be screaming 'faggot'"
Will: "Dude, there's a boob in my nipple" Cow: "Right ..."
Penguin: "Caleb, guess where I was tonight?" Caleb: "A girls house?" Penguin: "No." Caleb: "Your friends house how to get butt-raped?" *Teamspeak explodes*
*Penguin comes up to Cow in a stupid car in Scrap Mechanic* Cow: "Now see Penguin, that's not friction. That's Bullshit"
*Penguin is taking a shit over mic* Penguin: "Oooooooooooh, I'm pushing!!" Cow: "You gotta push!" Penguin: "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH" *plop in background* Penguin: "Oooh, its green".
Jack: "Are you a beat-boxer?" Devote: "Nah man" *pause* Devote: "Jigga-whip-whip" Pride: "Jigga-whip-whip?" Devote: "Yeah man. Unce Jigga-whip-whip".
Frog: "Its like Tank Sex" Penguin: "You're not allowed to say that word!" Cow: "So what is he supposed to say?" ... Pride: "Doing the Diggity".
*A chicken is outside our base in Rust* Penguin: "Roger Tango Six-Niner we have a hostile chicken outside the base. *pause* Affirmative Oscar Mango, the hostile has a sharp object on its head"

Rest in Peace CS:GO :8bitheart:
Review Showcase
PUBG
------------------------
While PLAYERUNKNOWN'S BATTLEGROUNDS can occasionally be an obscene amount of fun with friends, this game has so many issues that it borders on the unbelievable and in many cases it walks a fine line that teeters on the unacceptable. This review is far too long and blocky in text, so for those who like TDLRs, theres a non-specific and "short" summary. On the other hand, for those who are OK with reading into this game's issues, I'll go into some standout specifics from Developer conduct to this game's notorious plethora of technical issues and shortcomings, alongside some more casual observations made from someone who has put way WAY too much time into this trainwreck of a game that I just absolutely love to hate...

TLDR: PUBG is not very good!
*GASP*! some may say!
"But its a bestseller on Steam! It has broken records for the most concurrent players on a Steam title! It is played by literally millions every day! Surely its not terrible!" others may say!
And to be frank, this game is, at first, really something else to experience! Its tense! Its thrilling! It encourages teamplay, coordination and callouts in duos and squads in ways many games simply dont! And cooking your first, second, fifth and twentieth chicken dinners can make for a truly memorable time! However, after the initial 'honeymoon' phase is over, the game starts to show its true colors and the tape and glue that are used to hold together this mess of a game only become more and more transparent with time. If you and a group of friends want to play together, and you have a PC that can run it (basically 3+GB of VRAM w/ ~10+GB of system RAM; CPU isn't as huge a factor with this game), then you may find enjoyment with PUBG until the aformentioned honeymoon phase passes. If you want to play it but may not have others to play it with and don't need to scratch at that Arena-Style 'Battle Royale' itch, then I'd look elsewhere.

Either way, should you choose to pick it up, chances are you will likely find yourself getting frusterated with the game more often than not once that blissful phase of elated innocence passes and the bad really starts to poke out from this mangled heap of broken mechanics peiced sloppily together with duct-tape and glue...

The Devs...
As for the specifics, lets start with the devs backing PUBG ("Bluehole Ginno Games", or more specifically, their newly expanded subsidiary known as "PUBG Corp") who have made some pretty questionable decisions and statements throughout their games' time in Early Access. Such statements and decisions include the likes of:
  • The (frankly) asinine statement they made regarding the 'Battle Royale' mode in Epic's game 'Fortnite'.
  • The way they initially and continue to handle user banning within the community when it comes to abiding by their self-proclaimed "Rules Of Conduct".
  • The controversy related to the partnering with a Chinese VPN service, in-turn forcing a large part of their Chinese playerbase to pay to use servers that were more localized.
  • More recent developments surrounding the news of publishing agreement between 'PUBG Corp' and 'Tencent' and all the associated controversies relating to all that.
  • Loot boxes and market items!
    (despite the creator stating that this wouldn't happen in early access)[www.gamasutra.com]...
Suffice it to say the devs have had plenty of issues with their darling of a game and certainly haven't done much to make most consumers flock to their side. While consumers (that means you!) ought to know if the devs of a game do stuff that could be considered in violation of basic pro-consumer ideologies, none of this dictates the playability of the game, which we are going to dive into right about now!

Technicalities: How PUBG swallows RAM & VRAM alive...
This game is an absolute mess, technically speaking. Lets get the blunt and obvious out of the way. If you have 2GB VRAM or 8GB system RAM or lower, you should seriously look into buying a different game, or at the very least, read up on the issues this game has ('buildings don't load' is the short of it) when it comes to not having enough RAM / VRAM. As for other technical issues, here's what 400+hrs of my own personal gametime alongside experiences shared with friends has equated to:

  • This game will crash, a lot. If it crashes in Fullscreen, it can sometimes lock up your PC entirely forcing a hard-reboot.
  • The servers may, at complete random, crash, disconnect you, rubberband or simply drop your framerate to levels that even Powerpoint would look at with slighted disapproval.
  • Unless a dev cares to say otherwise, your framerate is tied to the server, which is capped at 144fps
  • The servers being capped doesn't much matter when my GTX 980 struggles to get this game (on the lowest settings) above 80fps in most areas
  • Hitreg, hitboxes and percieved damage outputs are inconsistent and vague at the best of times
  • Shotguns are still broken
  • Loot still spawns in late. Sometimes it will even spawn in front of your very eyes! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • The game's sounds may randomly flip from your right-to-left ear and vice versa
  • Occasionally sounds will entirely fail to play for effects
  • Some sounds (buggy, boat & rain maps especially) are far louder than anything else in the game for no reason
  • The bombing zones will sometimes cause clipping/overlapping audio. They can also cause the game to spontaneously crash
  • The jumping and upcoming vaulting "systems" will make you appreciate the joys in being glued to the ground 24/7.

Conclusion:
Its been nearly a year since this game was put up on Early Access. As others have said, seeing PUBG go the way of games like H1Z1 & DayZ is not too far-fetched at this point, especially given the suprising lack of talk beyond PUBG's "1.0" release, which kind of feels like the last big thing this game may see. And that sort of breaks my heart, because despite PUBG being an absolute mess that is barely being held together, there are some moments this game has given me that no other game can rival. But between the devs and their actions, and the countless bugs and crashes I've endured, I can not recommend this game to anyone right now. It may be worth looking at when they exit Early Access sometime in the upcoming months, but until then, consider staying clear, especially if you have a budget PC.

Recent Activity

591 hrs on record
last played on Aug 19
220 hrs on record
last played on Aug 4
3.2 hrs on record
last played on Jul 30
‹Starworshippзr› Mar 16 @ 9:28pm 
-rep

You ♥♥♥♥ing suck at PUBG, lmao.

Sent by /profiles/76561198201789651
kaleq Jan 28 @ 11:02am 
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Madara Uchiha Dec 20, 2017 @ 6:34pm 
NOT REAL in Anonymous Member....
AcemaZe Dec 20, 2017 @ 3:15pm 
That was a really good review of PuBG and the fact that you still play it shows that you care about the game. Csgo is in beta since 2012 and i play it everyday for the last 3 years :P
AUSTINTACIOUS Dec 20, 2017 @ 12:09pm 
It's refreshing to see a well written review on Steam. Well done. Don't worry about the cretins on here. They all hate and I have racked up over 100 hours on No Man's Sky, knew what to expect and thoroughly enjoyed the majority of it......so ♥♥♥♥ you all! :) I wasn't thinking of getting PUBG, I certainly won't now. Thanks
P-P-P-P-PEPSI MAN Dec 19, 2017 @ 12:51pm 
-rep