THE ULTIMATE MAX CINEMATIC NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY EXPERIMENT 999999/10

bro i swear to god i opened this game to play an mmorpg with my friends not to watch a full length hbo max tv show about garlean fascist politics and why gaius van baelsor thinks his shiny golden armor makes him the ultimate supreme alpha sigma male of the realm like literally i queued for this main scenario roulette right before making dinner and by the time the first 30 minute unskippable cutscene ended i already cooked a 3 course meal did the dishes paid my taxes went to college got a degree got married raised three kids bought a house and adopted a golden retriever and guess what?? GAIUS IS STILL STANDING ON THE ELEVATOR TALKING ABOUT TELL ME FOR WHOM DO YOU FIGHT like my brother in holy christ i fight for the tomestones and the daily XP bonus to level up my dancer please just let me skip the cutscene i am begging you on my knees my party members are already doing pushups in the chat the tank is playing league of legends on his second monitor the black mage is literally asleep on his keyboard typing zzzzzzzzz in party chat and the healer left the house to go buy groceries 40 minutes ago

if you love unskippable cutscenes where characters walk in slow motion for no reason at all and explain their evil monologue plans for the 500th time while your character just stands there looking like a mute brainless idiot nodding your head in your ridiculous neon pink chocobo suit glamor outfit with a giant moogle staff then this dungeon is for you 100/10 best movie theater simulator on steam btw cid is cool but please stop blowing up every single elevator we use like bro do you have a phobia of stairs or what why do we need explosives for a 2 floor drop thank you and dont even get me started on the magitek armor part where everyone spends 5 minutes running around trying to click the authorization panel because the targeting system in this game is an absolute joke and then you just ride the robot and spam one single button to shoot photon lasers at trash mobs truly peak gameplay mechanic right there square enix game design of the century

then you finally reach nero and he starts throwing a massive childish temper tantrum because cid daddy didnt love him enough and gave him no attention when they were kids like bro i do not care about your childhood trauma your daddy issues or your giant red glowing hammer i just want my poetics tomestones to buy ironworks gear please stop talking and let me hit you but noooo we have to wait for him to finish his dramatic high school theater monologue while my food is getting cold and then you finally fight the giant golden trash can gaius and he starts screaming SUCH DEVASTATION THIS WAS NOT MY INTENTION like bro you built a giant ultimate omega weapon powered by primordial gods what did you think was gonna happen??? did you think it was gonna bake chocolate chip cookies for eorzea?? how is creeping destiny your goal but devastation is not please make it make sense gaius van boomer how did you pass military tactics class

and just when you think its finally over lahabrea shows up with his goofy red floating mask talking about the dark lord and the hydaelyn parasite for another 25 minutes while i am alt tabbed watching 4k lore videos on youtube and eating chips i have memorized every single line of this dungeon against my own free will i can recite gaius monologue in my sleep my family thinks i am losing my mind because they heard me mumbling speak for yourself and creepin destiny while taking a shower yesterday please send medical help or give us a skip button i am begging you yoshi p i have watched this movie more times than my favorite childhood films combined and i still have to do it again tomorrow at 5am for the roulette reset absolute masterpiece of psychological torture 1111/10 would watch gaius explain fascism and meritocracy while standing in a circle for the 4000th time today