X2: Hello? Hello!

X1: Hello?

X2: Who's this?

X1: Who's THIS?

X2: I'm asking the questions, I called you.

X1: No, I called you, and you sound like the ugliest ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I ever heard.

X2: You sound like the physical manifestation of some loser's inner demons.

X1: Well, you sound like some total ♥♥♥♥♥'s inability to confront the reality of his past actions.

X2: If I ever get your stinky mug in my line of sight, I swear to Chekhov I'll ♥♥♥♥ your clock off.

X1: Well, I'm going to be the bigger man and hang up fir-

X2: hangs up first

X1: Dammit. Listen, we don't cotton to freaks around these parts. Scram, weirdo!

X2: Oh yeah? I don't poly-cotton to coping tropes, even my own, so why don't you split?

X1: Looks like I already did. You're the sad figment of my twisted psyche's tragic dividend. You're the un-me, I'm the real me. You wanna be me?

X2: Kiddo, I was the real me when you were still in my short pants.

X1: Hate to break it to you, but I wore them first. Me bequeathed thee the psycho-pathological hand-you-downs.

X2: So you're the one who stained them.

X1: Whoever found it browned it.

X2: You'd like me to be you, wouldn't me? But it's too late, you snoze, you loze.

X1: You sleept, you weept.

X2: You nappah, you get slappah.

X1: You slumber, a cucumber.

X2: You catch up on some zeds, you get outta my heads!

X1: You slumber... hamBURGER Idontwannatalkaboutnothinelse HA (ha ha ha). X2: Listen, this psyche is not big enough for two metaphysical seekers.

X1: You couldn't SEEK your way out of a CARDBOARD BAG.

X2: Yeah, I know, cuz it would be an EGG.

X1: OOO, this guy might be better than me.

X2: You're right, I am better than me.

X1: Look, buddy, know when you're defeated. Accept your defecation.

X2: No, thanks, I'm full cuz I eat ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ like you for breakfast.

X1: Look at you, you look so superficial, you probably judge things by their physical appearance.

X2: Oh yeah? Your mom is so shallow, she probably thinks this quip is about her.

X1: You're about as deep as a bowl of soup, and your tongue as sharp as a soup spoon.

X2: Hey, say what you want about me, but lay off the soup.

X1: If you love soup so much, why don't you marry soup?

X2: Because I'm already married, to justice.

X1: Yeah, only a blind girl would marry you.

X2: I know everything you're gonna-

X1: Say. And I know everything you're gonna-

X2: Don't.

X1: Oh yeah? Well, when God was passing out insight you thought he said that when God was passing out holy prophets, you thought he said oily faucets cuz your soul has diarrhea...of the mouth...faucet.

X2: Are you so dumb, you even answer rhetorical questions?

X1: I don't know, do you?

X2: We can play this game all night.

X1: First of all, it's daytime. And this, is no game.

X2: Check mate.

X1: Oh! So you admit you were checking me out and you wanna mate.

X2: OOO, you got a license to sell those hotdogs, chico man?

X1: No, they wouldn't give it to me because when I was filling out the application, my penis was sticking out.

X2: Oh yeah? You only got one peen-eye? Let me see it.

X1: See with your eyes, not with your mouth.

X2: I'll call your bluff. I'll see your penis with your mouth and I raise you with my hand.

X1: Ante up.

X2: OOO, dammit!

X1: What's wrong?

X2: I crapped out, but I'm tough, I can suck it up. OOO

X1: Okay, on count of three, we show what's under the loincloth. Wiener take all (take all take all take all).

Xaviers: 1, 2, 3!

X2: I guess there's only one way to settle this. Xaviers: A shakashuri blowdown!

X2: I assume you're familiar with St. Louis rules?

X1: Fine, we'll blow...to the death (death death death).

X2: Okay, ladies first. 16 hours later

X1: Hnnnngh FINE. I'll blow first.