A strain guide for when your brain don’t do math no more

🧊 Ice Cream Cake
Indica — Brain says "We’re chillin’" while body forgets how bones work.

Tastes like: frozen dessert and low expectations.

Hits like: a massage from a ghost.

Effects: couchlock, bliss, being too high to explain what “vibes” are.

🚀 Skywalker OG
Indica — May the zzz’s be with you.

Tastes like: Yoda’s vape pen.

Hits like: hyperspace to the inside of your own skull.

Effects: floating, sedation, thinking about your ex in a weirdly forgiving way.

🥶 Slurricane
Indica — What if a smoothie had anxiety?

Tastes like: grape cough syrup and thunder.

Hits like: being carried to bed by sentient fog.

Effects: calm, heavy, contemplating the end of time while petting your knee.

🧙‍♂️ Alaskan ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Sativa — Gandalf smoked this before the Balrog fight.

Tastes like: winter, spice, and sexual tension.

Hits like: an avalanche with opinions.

Effects: energetic, euphoric, suddenly talking like a philosophy major.

🪐 Purple Haze
Sativa — Hendrix heard this strain playing before he made it.

Tastes like: purple? Don’t question it. Just feel it.

Hits like: guitar solo to the amygdala.

Effects: creative rush, synesthesia, believing in chakras for 12 minutes.

🌋 God’s Gift
Indica — Delivered directly from heaven to cancel your day.

Tastes like: holy incense and wet plums.

Hits like: getting hugged by the void.

Effects: sleepy, grateful, one with the couch, phone 18% more confusing.

🐉 Dragon’s Breath
Hybrid — Raw power with mild hallucinations of responsibility.

Tastes like: spicy fruit, medieval guilt.

Hits like: a fireball spell cast at your to-do list.

Effects: alert but stupid. Perfect for games. Bad for emails.

💀 Zombie Kush
Indica — Your limbs might move but your willpower clocked out.

Tastes like: funeral potpourri.

Hits like: NyQuil if it had a mixtape.

Effects: body melt, deep thoughts, accidentally watching 14 hours of aquarium videos.

🛸 Alien OG
Hybrid — Why is the sky laughing at me?

Tastes like: space citrus and paranoid pickle.

Hits like: getting abducted, but consensually.

Effects: stoned AF, maybe psychic, could solve string theory if not distracted by chips.


Name: 🌿 Brainrot Kush
Type: Hybrid (50/50 Indica/Sativa)
Origin: Grown in a forgotten corner of the internet behind a cursed Discord server.
Rarity: Legendary | ✨Ultra Dank Tier✨

🎮 Effect Stats:
🎯 Focus: -32

⚔️ Reflexes: +10 if the music slaps

💭 Thoughts Per Second: 666

🍟 Munchie Drive: MAX

🧠 Memory Recall: What was the question again?

🧪 Flavor Notes:
Used vape pen from 2018

Grape soda spilled on an RGB keyboard

Late-night existential dread with a side of Cool Ranch

☣️ Side Effects:
Reading lore instead of playing

7-hour YouTube rabbit holes

Mistaking NPCs for real friends

Typing “lmao” in chat and meaning it spiritually

🔮 Steam Presence (while smoking):
🟢 Online — in the launcher
🟡 Away — watching Skyrim modding tutorials
🔴 Busy — 3 tabs deep into conspiracy theories
🟣 Snooze — passed out mid-boss fight with chips on chest

🎧 Recommended Pairing:
Soundtrack: Lo-fi beats to forget your KD ratio to

Game: Anything with fishing mechanics

Mood: "I could absolutely take a dragon in hand-to-hand combat"