Am I a jerk if I don't want to play co-op with others?

[Nightweaver20xx]

(ISSUE RESOLVED. MODERATOR PLEASE LOCK THREAD.)

I'm getting this more and more... "Play Stardew Valley with me," "Play Terraria with me," etc. I don't like playing with others, I just don't. I just don't feel comfortable with other people in my game. I feel like I have to entertain them, babysit them, do STUFF with them. I don't like others causing me to screw up, or taking loot and drops that I consider to be mine. If I screw up at a game, I want to screw up on my own terms. If I get stuff in a game, I want it to be MY stuff.

So am I a jerk for feeling this way, for turning down all these offers to play co-op with others?

[cSg|mc-Hotsauce]

Nope.

[StickyPawz]

It's no big deal.

[mimizukari]

Nah, I stopped accepting game requests when my friends list went over 50 people. at 600+ people i tell them I don't accept invites at all and to please stop inviting, and when they keep doing it I just remove them.

Otherwise whenever I'm in a multiplayer game if any of my friends are playing they can just meet up w/ me or something in there.

[cinedine]

Well, depends who is asking you.
BFF or significant other? Yes.
Good friend? Kinda.
Random internet friend? Nope.
Completely random people? Actually, they are the jerks.

[mimizukari]

Originally posted by cinedine:

Well, depends who is asking you.
BFF or significant other? Yes.
Good friend? Kinda.
Random internet friend? Nope.
Completely random people? Actually, they are the jerks.

this mentality is why significant others are terrible people and you should roll solo your whole life.

[Teksura]

When it comes to playing games together, the jerk is the person who doesn't respect the feelings of the other person.

If you don't want to play, you shouldn't have to be pressured into doing something you won't enjoy. It doesn't matter if it's some random stranger or your best friend. You are under no obligation to do something you won't enjoy.


In the case of your best friend, I'd suggest being open with them. Just say you don't like playing multiplayer in general. That really should be all you need to say. If they don't accept that and insist you do something you don't enjoy for their entertainment, they are being a jerk.

[Morphic]

Originally posted by Nightweaver20xx:

I feel like I have to entertain them, babysit them, do STUFF with them.

That mentality makes you a jerk. Why are you automatically assuming you need to entertain them(isn't that what the game is for?), babysit them(What, are they little kids or horrible at games?) ... and isn't the point of Co-Op to do "stuff" together?

That said, if it's just the random internet friends people often accumulate that are asking you to play... then No. It isn't being a jerk to refuse their requests as you basically are strangers. If it were "actual" friends and close friends/family; then it kinda is being a jerk to refuse them since they clearly want to do something together or spend time with you. Maybe try finding something the both of you can enjoy.

Granted I'm a mostly Singleplayer ever since I dropped StarCraft 2 years ago. I often enjoy doing my own thing and prefer to be left alone. However I won't refuse to play with friends because of this. Instead I tell them up front about my habits and deny playing based on the game they want to play. E.g. something like Terraria or ARK I don't mind since then I'll just mine stuff or build stuff on my own or for others. Most of the time we end up swapping roles when the other gets bored and team up only for Bosses or hard encounters. However, if the game is an RTS, then I'll refuse as I'm biased and often times need to "carry" them.

[Scrotum Scratcher]

refusing to play with others doesn't make you a jerk, but as others said, your mentality makes it seem that you're not a very friendly or enjoyable person to hang out with and thus leads you to seem like you're a 'jerk' which is probably why you asked

refusing to share items and blaming your own failures because you had a friend with you for example. that mentality is making you seem like a jerk, not the fact that you declined to play co-op

[NS Plover]

no - absolutely not - no one should feel forced to play a game offered as "single player" to play it as "multi player".

[Ogami]

Nope. I dont do co-op or multiplayer. EVER.
Its just not my thing, never liked it, will never like it.
I prefer my games solo.
If someone adds me and asks to play with me its the first thing i tell them.
Its not personal, nothing to do with them but i just dont enjoy multiplayer/co-op games.
If they added me just for that they are of course free to remove me again from their friendlist.

But people are usually very cool about it. Sometimes i get a invitation from someone already on my friedlist and i just remind them i dont do co-op or multi.
And thats pretty much it. Never had anyone freak out about it.

[NS Plover]

Actually this should be changed around - anyone trying to force someone into multi-player when they just want single player mode IS the jerk!

[WhiteKnight]

I tried playing Borderlands 2 with someone and i did not enjoy it. I prefer going solo so i can play the game at my own pace.

[Nightweaver20xx]

I appreciate all the comments and thoughts. I think I should add a little background to what I said originally. I'm pretty notorious around the Internet as being one of the biggest jerks and trolls in the few fandoms I'm a part of. I'm an older guy, been around online since 1997, and have seen a LOT of stuff. Over time online and IRL, I have become increasingly jaded toward others because of various reasons. The Nightweaver20xx of 2020 is a much colder and more selfish person than the one from the late 1990s or even the early 2000s. At some point I kind of stopped caring about others and turned inward. People became kind of an inconvenience I endured with gritted teeth so that I could get to the activities I really enjoyed, I.E. gaming by myself.

I have no friends IRL, no girlfriend, and very very little family. I likely have strong social anxiety and possibly am lightly autistic, or maybe a mild sociopath. That's why I react so strongly whenever someone wants to play games with me, because I start to panic and don't know how to interact with others. I don't want to piss anybody off, but I also want to enjoy the time I have by myself without being bothered. I have a total of 11 friends on Steam, and that's accumulated over nine years. NINE. And most of those are recent. Nobody really likes me, and honestly, I don't really like others.

I almost want to apologize for being this way, but I've been alone and bitter for so long that all I want to do is play my games in peace and tell the rest of the world to bugger off.

[TheTycoon]

"Unofficial Stardew Valley guru, brony, furry and middle-aged gamer."

Yup

[Nightweaver20xx]

Hey, no fair going to my Steam profile to find out just what a loser I am! All right, that's right, everybody start dumping on Nightweaver. Go ahead, I deserve it. I'm a total loser and I deserve all your mockery because I like different things than you do. Go ahead, do it. DO IT.