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Basically, you need to be just slightly to the right of center - so your left arm is right behind the target, and close but not touching.
Find an enemy you can easily sneak up behind and practice it. Pretty soon you'll be giving them a surprise up the bum on a regular basis!
Their idle animations can also make them not stand in line with the back of the capsule which is also misleading. Usually aligning yourself a bit to the right or left off the center of their back is the spot that works.
Backstab works best as a surprise attack, which is reinforced by that gift which dampens your footsteps. In combat, try parrying. It can be quite difficult, especially with enemies who wield heavy weapons cuz some of their starting attacks are much faster than others. Or you could do it like me and try to backstab them so much that they end up dying from so many hits 🤷🏻♂️
Step 2 - Make sure you are near one of their buttcheeks.
Step 3 - Make sure you are not moving when you click the attack button.
Step 4 - Violate me harder daddy.
Backstabbing is Easy.
Few tips for activating them - most of them are honestly interchangeable with techniques from Dark Souls in this respect:
- Recognize the difference between the enemy's "visual" back, and their "actual" back. What I mean by this is that an enemy might be aiming an attack in a specific direction (i.e. their left hand forward, right hand behind them, standing sideways). What you'd want to aim for in this situation isn't the enemy's anatomical back, because that's actually their game object's side. instead you'd be going for their right-hand.
- Time attacks. You can't activate a backstab from combo-hits. Usually when I'm going for a backstab drain I'm spacing out my attacks to hit about twice every second or so, long enough to return to neutral stance after each hit.
Enemies sometimes can resist backstab attempts if they're in the middle of an attack. I've also had times where I've seen my character 'prepare' the backstab animation but not actually start it, in which case I just keep mashing the attack button and it eventually works once the enemy's in a valid position.
So it does feel broken/hidden/difficult to grasp, but honestly if it were any easier to use it, the game would be stupidly easy - already as is, it's granting you I-frames as its animation plays out (while your ally beats up other enemies), increased Ichor, Ichor restoration, stuns the attacked enemy, gives you an opportunity to escape... As is, I already feel like I'm horrendously exploiting the game when I use it, to the point I had to toggle off the drain-attack cutscenes simply because I was doing backstabs so often that I felt like I was wasting more time watching these things.