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Whilst I hate to displease someone with a BG avatar and a Super Troopers quote for a name I did just get drunk and cave, and ho boy is it better. The lag is gone, the zombies are delightful, I'm a happy chap.
It's sad that the Xbox version hasn't had the investment because it really shines on a controller and is perfect sofa gaming; however I guess this is why god gave us the ability to connect Xbox controllers via Bluetooth. 😃