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You can always Invite him via Steam friends.. have you atleast tried that way?
I've heard about this happening with one of my real life friends, he has to my knowledge yet to have found a solution. You guys arn't alone.
this is good but I would rather not need another program to do lan when the game itself is capable of doing it(or at least it use to and hopefully will again). I read on another post somewhere on Steam that it has something to do with the Steam servers, we can only hope for a fix soon.
Also you cannot use 1 copy of the game for every member of your household, must have separate versions.
Opening ports 7777 and 7778 in the router helped I think, but only 1 pc can use those port numbers at one time, they can be changed in WillowEngine.ini located in C:\Users\USERNAME\Documents\My Games\Borderlands 2\WillowGame\Config.
I'll make sure my brother has hamachi off, firewalls not blocking players, and ports set right.