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You need to pass the skill checks that you get during dialogues as you increase their affinity for you.
(I failed to save/load to do that before the flirt dialogue starts)
You can look / move away from the person you're talking to get the option to change your outfits mid-conversation.
If that feels too "gamey", if companions bring up the "do you have a minute to talk?" when you can't change your outfit, simply select the "not right now" option and postpone the choice.
Dont even attempt it without level 10.