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I've had 1 griefer join a game so far (guy blew up my base. No big, I kept going and actually rebuilt it a lot faster and better than I thought I'd be able to). Most have been others just looking around and the like - seeing how others are playing and what not.
I have no real concerns about thefts or the like being as I start the game with a set of fists and I really don't need much more than that to rebuild. Your privacy while relearning though is something I can relate too.
Keep in mind friends can also join your private game if there is no password despite the game being set to private.
I never met any of these people before and a griefer (the guy literally blew my house up - the upper floors hung in mid air with no support afterwards and killed both me and himself as hew blew it up - note: It didn't kill me resing back but that was close. My bed was set almost 5 stories up and it dropped me to half health when I came back in game and fell into the crater from where my bed had been on the second floor. Trust me - that's not a "friend" of mine.).
From my stance, it's not a big issue and kind of cool when I share stuff I've learned that they don't know and they share what I don't know (my "fun find" - 'used' wood spikes are *GREAT* fuel for a forge. I replace them every couple days and toss the old ones into the forge so it's a win-win - defense then making stuff.)
I've been running a private server for weeks now and never has there been anyone apart me and a mate playing on it.
Make sure a password is set and that the server is not public, that should be all you need to do. Well, apart from restarting the server after making the config changes and saving the config, that is.