Just A Few Zombie Jokes

[Neme]

Source

http://zombiejokes.com/

Q: Where do you go to buy zombies?

A: The monSTORE!

Q:What did the man say to his forgetful zombie wife?

A: You forgot your HEAD because it wasn't attached!

Q: Who did the zombie take out for dinner?

A: His GHOULfriend!

Q: Why did the zombie ignore all his new Facebook friends?

A: He was still DIGESTING all his old Facebook friends!

Q: What is a zombie's favorite toy?

A: A DEADY bear!

Q: What did everyone say about the big zombie party?

A: It was DEAD & full of STIFFS!

Q: What did the zombie say to his date?

A: I just love a woman with BRAAAINS!

Q: What was the zombie's greatest invention?

A: Canned BRAAAINS!

Q: What is the difference between zombies & patched jeans?

A: Zombies are DEAD men, jeans are menDEAD!

Q: What do all the Apple zombies keep telling Steve Jobs?

A: We're DYING to have YOU for dinner!

Q: How did the zombie's "Grease" audition go?

A: Bad, they couldn't envision Danny as GREEN, ROTTING & GRUESOME!

Q: What did the zombie hope for before his blind date?

A: Someone with a PULSE & plenty of BRAAAINS!

Q: What did the zombie call his new dating handbook?

A: "DYING To Meet You!"

Q: Why didn't the zombie get the job?

A: They wanted someone with more energy & less ROTTING flesh!

Q: How did the zombie treat every day of death?

A: Like he was LIVING!

Q: Why did the zombie buy a Jet Ski?

A: He wanted to ENJOY the apocalypse!

Q: What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?

A: A MOMster!

Q: What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?

A: LIFE Savers!

Q: What did the zombie's friend say after she joined Greenpeace?

A: Uggghhh, you're one of those annoying GREEN zombies!

Q: What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?

A: A DEAD ringer!

Q: Where do zombies go swimming?

A: The DEAD Sea!

Q: Where do most zombies live?

A: On DEAD end streets!

Q: Where is the safest place in your home from a zombie?

A: The LIVING room!

Q: Who won the zombie war?

A: Nobody, it was a DEAD tie!

Q: What did the zombie's ex say when she wouldn't stop calling?

A: You're DEAD to me!

Q: What do you call a dead bee?

A: A zomBEE!

Q: Do zombies eat dinner with their family?

A: No, their family IS the dinner!

Q: What did the zombie say before his fight?

A: Do you want a PIECE of me?

Q: Do dark circles around the zombie's eyes make him look dead?

A: No, but being DEAD does!

Q: Why did the zombie go crazy?

A: He had LOST his mind!

Q: What is a zombie's favorite meal?

A: A MANwich!

Q: What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor's new car?

A: I'm GREEN with envy!

Q: What did the zombie say to his wife Barbara?

A: I'm coming to get you, BARBARA!

Q: How are zombies like computers?

A: They use megaBITES!

Q: How do you know a zombie is tired?

A: He's DEAD on his feet!

Q: What did the zombie do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: He wiped his BUTT!

Q: What is a zombie's favorite shampoo?

A: Head & Shoulders!

Q: What kind of streets do zombies like best?

A: DEAD end!

Q: What does a zombie get when he comes home late for dinner?

A: The cold SHOULDER!

Q: What did the zombie eat after his teeth were pulled?

A: The DENTIST!

Q: Where do zombies go on cruises?

A: The DEADiterranean Sea!

Q: What do zombies wear when it's raining?

A: BRAAAINcoats!

Q: Do zombies eat candy with their fingers?

A: No, they EAT the FINGERS separately!

Q: Why did the zombie cross the road?

A: To get to the BRAAAINS!

Q: Knock...knock! Who's there? Zombie! Zombie who?

A: BRAAAINS!

Q: How do they smooth the ice on a zombie hockey rink?

A: With a ZomBONI!

Q: What does it take to become a zombie?

A: DEADication!

Q: What do zombies order at bars?

A: A shot of To-KILL-Ya!

Q: Did you hear about the zombie who tortured his victims with music?

A: His BACH was worse than his bite!

Q: What time do zombies wake up?

A: At ATE o'clock!

Q: What is a zombie's favorite TV show?

A: "CHOMPING On The Stars!"

Q: How do zombies serve their country?

A: In the Marine CORPSE!

Q: What cereal does a zombie eat for breakfast?

A: Raisin BRAAAINS!

Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

A: No, they EAT the FINGERS separately!

Q: Why do zombies make good DJs?

A: They produce lots of sound BITES!

Q: Why did the zombie go to the hospital?

A: He wanted to learn some SICK jokes!

Q: Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?

A: He had NO LEG to STAND ON!

Q: What do you do if you see a zombie?

A: Hope it's HALLOWEEN!

Q: What did one zombie say to the other zombie while eating a comedian?

A: This tastes FUNNY!

Q: What do vegetarian zombies crave?

A: GRAAAINS...more GRAAAAAAINS!

Q: What do little zombies play?

A: CORPSES & Robbers!

Q: What did the zombie's friend say when introduced to his new girlfriend?

A: Where the heck did you DIG her UP from?

Q: Who do cowboy zombies fight?

A: DEADskins!

Q: What has a dog's head, a cat's tail & brains all over its face?

A: A zombie LEAVING the PET STORE!

Q: What is black, white & dead all over?

A: A zombie in a TUXEDO!

Q: Why did the zombie cross the road?

A: He wanted to EAT the chicken!

Q: Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?

A: He kept BUTTERING up his teacher!

Q: Why did the zombie stop teaching?

A: He only had one PUPIL!

Q: How do zombies tell their future?

A: With their HORRORscope!

Q: What do zombies like to eat at cookouts?

A: Beanie HALLOWEENies!

Q: Why did the zombie go to the orthodontist?

A: To improve his BITE!

Q: How many zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, zombies CAN'T FIT in a light bulb & they DON'T screw!

Q: Why did the zombie put poison in people's corn flakes?

A: He was a CEREAL killer!

Q: What do you get when you cross a zombie with a snowman?

A: FrostBITE!

Q: What is a zombie's favorite mode of transportation?

A: SCAREplanes!

Q: What type of dogs do zombies like best?

A: BLOODhound!

Q: Why did the dyslexic zombie starve to death?

A: He couldn't find any SNIAAARB!

Q: Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?

A: He had LOST his GUTS!

Q: What is a zombie's favorite football team?

A: The Washington DEADskins!

Q: How do zombies keep their hair in place?

A: With SCARE spray!

Q: What is black, white & red all over?

A: A nun being EATEN by zombies!


Post More if you guys have any good ones :)

[gothicrichard]

lol

[I dream of corn]

Q: How do u make a good zombie joke?

A: Corn

[Roland]

What do you call a zombie in a hot tub?

Stu

[gnorf73]

Lol, most terrible jokes ever! So bad I even laughed at a couple to be nice ; P