Recent reviews by Face McStabby

TL:DR: "Good ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lord, my Walmart "Air Hogs" toy with no pitch/roll controls flies better than this pile of actual ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. " -Me, after crashing multiple times in the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tutorial.

The best way to fly the Dragonfly in my humble opinion, is to fly the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ kestrel instead. Sure the Dragonfly's radar is neat, and two-seater shenanigans with friends is fun no matter what, but PRACTICALLY speaking, there isnt a damn thing this thing can do that the Kestrel cant.

Wanna lob AGM's from far away because sam launchers are ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥? Kestrel has you covered.

Wanna swat enemy fighters out of the sky with sidewinders? Kestrel can do that.

Wanna turn on Free Bird and dump a bunch of hydra pods at static/convoy targets because waiting for AGMs to splash is boring? Kestrel has you covered.

Wanna role play as a helicopter boss and do close-in chin-gun-runs on enemy infantry? The Kestrel can do that.

Wanna land/take off vertically? The Kestrel can not only do that, but it also has the fringe benefit of NOT THROWING ITSELF INTO A BEYBLADE TAIL SPIN ONCE YOU LIFT OFF.

Now I know the first thing someone is going to say is "Just trim it before takeoff and You'll be fine!" and my response is "Damn thats crazy dude, you know what I have to do in the Kestrel before take-off? Not ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that." You'd think making trim adjustments mid-flight would be the worst of my gripes but NO, the worst is just how touchy and chaotically random the controls are when airborne.

Now we aren't talking touchy as in "Oh I better drive like there's an egg under the gas pedal." touchy, this is a "My brother in Christ, I am fighting my controls more than I am fighting the literal warships in the harbor actively yeeting all aspect missiles at me." levels of touchy.

To the point where I'm almost afraid to go evasive when literal attack jets are lighting me up with 30mm rotory autocanons meant for TANKS, because any sudden evasive movement on the stick could result in a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ death-wobble where my helicopter decides to dip its nose down, pitch up, or roll super hard for no rhyme or reason and no mater how hard I try to compensate for these movements, my control systems just look at me like "TF you expect US to do about this?" before we inevitably crash.

The UI isnt any better either. Whereas the Kestrel has 3 MFD's front and center, the pilot's seat only has two plus a glorified speedometer above them.

Startup isnt any better. Despite having two whole engines driving the main/tail rotors you have to start them ONE AT A TIME, (In the chat-Kestrel you can start both at once.) set your yaw trim and pray to whatever god you believe in that you dont go into a "LET IT RIP" tail spin once you so much as BREATH on the collective. ("LMAO imagine having to be trimmed before takeoff" -The Kestrel probably.)

Maybe Im missing something here. Maybe I'm just dumb. But I honestly dont see a point in flying this chopper unless you have friends together and you feel like LARPing as an Apache crew in desert storm, only with uglier apaches that handle worse than a rusted out VW micro bus with the steering wheel replaced with with a set of channel locks biting down on the main wheel nut.

I cant get enough of this game. It's a great hack-n-slash side scrolling game with a warm and comfy color pallet, and the fact that its a PORN GAME is just icing on the cake. That said;

(Your honor, I wish to retract my previous statement regarding control binds.)

Also the story sure exists. Thats about all I can say there.

My brother in Christ, this is the battle of mid-way with modern equipment. You're going to DIE.

How in the rhyme of the ainceint ♥♥♥♥ do I get my guns to fire?

Firstly, Credit where credit is due. I had fun playing this game w/my friends. But.. Do you know what I had fun doing? I had fun: Getting my whole team to talk like cavemen, talking like a pirate with my friends while using a tank, making a hand-full of friends across the world by getting mildly drunk and making small talk w/squadmates, executing a team-leader while roleplaying as a commisar (Because team/squadleaders were useless in the previous match), talking like shaggy from scooby-doo, and finally... helping win a match entirely through MORTARS.

Do you know what I DIDNT have fun doing? Playing the objective, engaging this game's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥/onesided firefights, tard wrangling my squad as a Squad Leader, trying co-ordinate with other squadleaders, and trying the drive tanks like ya'know, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TANKS.

The traction is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ for armored vehicles, and dont even get me STARTED on how janky vehicles are in general. The gun play... GOOD GOD, THE GUN PLAY. I'm sorry, but when I, as an untrained Red-neck can reload an AR-platform rifle FASTER than a professionally trained soldier in a video game, THE GAME IS WRONG AND YOU NEED TO FIX IT POST-HASTE.

But I can take or leave janky vehicles and put up with gimped gun-fighting (I mean, come on. I have over a thousand hours in warthunder as of writing this.)

But the one thing, the kicker, the reason I'm even writing this review (in this much detail no less), the moment that stands out the most, the reason I uninstalled this game without looking back: is the community. This is the only ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game where I saw a blatant aim-bot'er/wall hacker try to kill me through a mound of dirt before we ever even saw eachother, and when I called him out on blatant cheating, I was told "l0L GeT gUd". Say what you will about other shooter's and their fanbases. But when games like TF2 and Warzone have blatant cheaters, at least the players respond accordingly and report/votekick them. Squad players cant even be bothered to do that.

TL;DR This Janky mess of a game and it's community of A*tistic Sovietwomble-wannabe r*tards can kiss my ass.