Recent reviews by Kentucky Fried Children #FixTF2

18 real life dollars for a pair of kneepads, 14 real life dollars for a pair of gloves and a new paint scheme, 8 real life dollars for a joke a dev made in 5 minutes in 2004.

Screw. You. Microsoft.

You would get more bang for your buck playing with the MegaConstrux figures.

Hey, bro! You must've hit your head really hard. You okay?

Wait, Halo... 4? 5? Infinite? A Halo TV show? What are you talking about? Let's go back inside and play on Blood Gulch!

After really rethinking what I thought about this game, I realize that my expectations were way higher than could EVER be reached by anything.

The game is just okay. I don't like the story, the combat is okay, the new enemies are kinda cool and the new weapons are all over the map.

In truth, Halo 4 is entirely fine as a game. My issue is that it comes after not 1, or 2, or 3, but FIVE of the greatest games EVER made, with rich story, lore, and well thought out world.

Then there is Halo 4. The game is serviceable. But it isn't Halo. It feels like a shallow retread. At least it's better than 5, amiright?

If you don't consider the 343 stuff canon, I honestly don't blame you.

Wow, this little toyline by lego sure is unique!

I sure hope it doesn't eventually evolve into a space opera about the destruction and death of a god-like being trapped inside a massive mechanical structure, that of which encompasses the entirety of a galaxy's worth of creatures and life-forms who all live freely, until the creatures inside are forced to fight for survival and eventually live out their days as nomads, barely scraping by, until one day in which the god-like being is re-awakened and taken over by an evil spirit hell-bent on control and vengance for his half-brother (who is god) performing poorly, until he finds himself on mad-max world and eventually screws up so badly that he kills himself!

Oh wait-

Arzette took what the 2D Legend of Zelda games on the catastrophic failure that was the Philips CDI did wrong (And Hotel Mario as a bonus!), and did them very well. Sure, it isn't a perfect game. I thought that some of the backtracking could be tedious, but I almost feel as if most of this games shortcomings add to the charm. For instance, all of the bosses are complete pushovers, much like in the CDI games. You can literally defeat the final boss in seconds if you traverse right (If you are fully upgraded, that is!)

Getting the Blue magic felt like it came a bit too late, but other than that, the progression was quite good.

Much like those CDI games, easily the best part is the music. Legit, very well composed, very well put together, and fits the game very well. I thought it was great, even at it's worst! I would love to get this OST as a DLC for the game.

Of course, though, the main draw of the game is the cut-scenes. Everyone knows the OGs, everyone loves them, and to this day, I see memes which have "Dinner" and every single Morshu quote in them. This game, once again, doesn't quite reach the heights of the Zelda CDI games, but if you were expecting that, All I can say is that lightening is hard to capture in a bottle once: CDI games managed to do it 3 times if you include Hotel Mario. The cut-scenes are nearly as good, and I really enjoyed watching them. They were awkward, uncanny, and funny as hell.

The gameplay itself is very fun. It controls well, almost like playing as Zero in the Megaman X/Zero games. It's a simple metroidvania, filled with collectables and backtracking. I really enjoyed going back and collecting all of the items, which made a game that started out reletively tricky, into one that was a breeze.

Overall, would recommend if you haven't played it yet! There is more to this than the cut-scenes, which is much better than Zelda CDI to boot!

So please, take your time and buy this game!

Wait, you don't have 20 bucks?

Dear AAA Devs. You will NEVER have a game even a scintilla as good as this one, and that is because you do everything that we don't want in any way, shape or form.

We do NOT want yearly re-releases of the exact same game.
We do NOT want $80+ games.
We do NOT want buggy, unfinished messes that barely work at launch.
We do NOT want lootboxes.
We do NOT want paid season passes.
We do NOT want terrible User Interfaces.
We do NOT want to have awful in-game stores.
We do NOT want day 1 DLC.
We do NOT want games that are 300 TB of space.
We do NOT want to have games be a live service with monthly fees.
We do NOT want graphics that are so high-tech that everything else suffers.
We do NOT want devs who hate their fans.
We do NOT want your terrible anti-cheats which make our games worse, and are also possibly spyware.
We do NOT want your sucky games that nickle and dime their audience while offering a subpar experience year after year.

We DO want good games.
We DO want something that we can enjoy.
We DO want a game that won't try and reach into our pockets every 2 nanoseconds.
We DO yern for the mines.
We DO want to fight aliens.
We DO want a fun game.
We DO want to ROCK. AND. STONE.

Deep Rock Galactic is one of the greatest games ever. An addictive and unique game which takes insperation from Left4Dead, Minecraft, TF2, and dare I say, Fortnite (But only for it's Seasonal gimmicks). With near perfect game-play, great sound design, wonderful and varied missions, engaging character customizing, an addictive loop which keeps people engaged, fantastic personality oozing at every pore, this game is damn near perfect.

AAA studios? I know that you don't wish you could have an experience as unforgettable as this. But you should. Maybe then, people (who aren't the game magazines you pay to suck you off) will actually LIKE your games!

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you put Yume Nikki, Hylics, LSD Dream Emulator, Cruelty Squad, and Off together, combined it with a horrifying Benadryl trip (Minus the phantom cigarettes and hat man) together and threw them into a Biological Chronicle?

Yeah, that's this game. It's super absurd, weird, and completely idiotic. The humor is very meme-heavy and nonsensical, and I found myself thoroughly enjoying the pure insanity on display. Truly a unique game. I like the part where the stick man yelled "GYAAAAAAATT". Yes, that actually happened.

This game caused my divorce.

The only issue is that the swimming controls suck. Also, it's kinda short for the price, but the pure weirdness made me love it too much to pass it up.

"Metal Goya Solid"- er, I mean, Impasto is one of the best indie horror games I have played in recent memory.

Now, let me begin with a forward:

I am a huge fan of weird and unnerving paintings. I have seen many strange ones throughout my life, from ones that you have doubtlessly seen, like "The Scream", to things that you probably haven't seen because of how unnerving they are, such as "Gallowgate Lard". From all of this though, there is one very famous painting that I continuously see brought up on lists of disturbing artworks, which is often credited as being one of the most uncanny paintings of all time. That, of course, being "Saturn Devouring his Son", a painting so incredibly captivating and unnerving that it truly shined a spotlight on one of the greatest artists that most people don't talk about all that often. That being Fransisco De Goya

Goya is one of my favorite artists of all time. The way he painted and crafted the worlds on a canvas was nothing short of impeccable. My mother has one of his artworks in my house, even. Tons of people, even today, love his works, which is astounding for a painter of mostly Spanish Royalty from the 1800s,

Though, that is almost entirely for a series of peculiar, disturbing, and unnerving paintings, known commonly as the "black series".

Made in his 70's, these paintings were made while he was, essentially, watching the walls of his life begin to crumble around him. He was a good christian boy who was watching his values be corrupted for gain, all while suffering from depression, anxiety, hatred of the Spanish Inquisition, growing old and frail, and also having a condition which caused him to go deaf... In the 1820s. In 2024, people still don't take mental health all that seriously, but this is 200 years earlier, a time where the most common remedy was either prayer, or being told "Tough Luck".

But this incredible mixture of heartache, loathing, disdain, and jadedness lead to what is easily one of the most terrifying, captivating, and eerie series of artworks ever made: Black Paintings; Never before has a series of paintings spoken to me on such a level, as someone who suffers from Depression and Anxiety. Every one of them, regardless of if they're full of detail and life (or in some cases, death), or as simple as "The Dog", which focuses solely on the titular dog, every single one of the 14 paintings depict sin, anxiety, frailty, horror and hopelessness near perfectly.

Why do I bring these up? Well, in case you couldn't tell, this game is based off of those.

You play as Goya's grandson, who must enter his house in the dead of night, and must walk through several rooms of terrifying paintings, all of which were painted to the walls. Fun fact, Goya actually did paint them onto the walls of his house... Which is, statistically speaking, the most metal thing you can do. Before too long, you are Isekai'd into a painting, with a nightmare inducing landscape of dark streets, angry old people, and of course, Saturn. (Post son devouring, that is)

The art style and look of the game is absolutely fantastic. It looks like a painting truly came to life, which isn't easy to pull off. Albeit, there is an exception to that art style, which is the re-occurring Spanish inquisition enemies, which look like the "Hat Man" sleep paralysis demon.

The lack of mouth movement was a bit jarring, but I think it added to the uncanny vibe. What I will criticize is that the game does have a few jump-scare moments upon being caught: For the first 4 times, no sound played. The 5th time, I was scared absolutely stiff when it did, so uh... Good job!

My biggest issue is the lack of lighting. I know they're called the "Black Series", but the light is either way too bright or pitch black. That is something that I would change, personally. I also thought that the inability to rebind controls was a bit odd, but since the game is short and sweet, and can be easily beaten in little over an hour, it wasn't a huge deal.

I like how this game isn't just an interactive art gallery; It instead tried it's hardest to portray the feelings of helplessness and disdain towards the Spanish government at the time, by having tall, imposing shadow people dressed like Spanish Inquisition members be your main opponents, making you outlast and outrun them.

Best thing is, this game absolutely doesn't ride off trends. As much as I would wish for more IPad kids to know about 1800's painters, I doubt anyone below the age of 18 knows about Goya by name. 'Tis a sad reality, though we should be thankful that we have never seen "Jumbo Josh devouring Huggy Wuggy" Or whatever kids would be shown these days.

Now, this is a short, but sweet horror game. Because of that, some of Goya's black paintings aren't really portrayed in the main game-play segment. You get to see them at the beginning, but if you thought you were going to see some guy cranking it while two women mock him, then you are going to have to settle for the painting at the beginning.

Personally, for a free, short steam game made as a college project, this is absolutely fantastic. I love the interpretation of the works of Goya in this game.

If you like indie horror, then give this a try. If not, then... Why are you here? It's as simple as that. Personally, I really enjoyed this look into Goya's most famous works!

Cancer on the world of gaming.

She Risin on my Triad till I Ludicrous