I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.

Here's why:

Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead.

Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it.

Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.

And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.

Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?

Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.

Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.

I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:

"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."

And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.

Many people always ask me how I was able to get into Harvard as a 16 year old who skipped 3 grades of high school. They think I got in because of my scholarly records, but no the key is the interview.

As I sat in the Harvard Dean's office in front of the board of reviewers for my application, the Dean asks me "Why should you be a good candidate for this school?" They seemed bored but I replied "Well I was born a child prodigy, placed 1st in my state spelling bee for three consecutive years, I can speak eight different languages not counting Latin, play four different instruments, I skipped grades 4 through 6, and graduated my high school as valedictorian at the age of 14. I then worked as an intern at both Telsa, and NASA." Suddenly the room burst into laughter and many of board instantly started scribbling down "No" near the application check marks. The Dean says "Sorry but you are just not the type we are looking for." But then I said "Excuse me but I wasn't finished... I watch Rick and Morty" The Dean looked at me like an idiot and said "So....?" Then I replied with a smile "And I understand all the references and subtle jokes" An audible gasp let out by the board was so loud the secretary had to come in. You could hear a pin drop and then suddenly all at once the entire board clicked their pens on the "Approved Box" and I was instantly handed a diploma and now I'm teaching advanced physicals there. I guess you can say I'm pretty smart. :)

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale.

It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other.

But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum.

All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse.

We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.


"I'm a little foxy short & stout. Here is my tailhole, here is my snout. Get me down on all 4's & hear me shout. "♥♥♥♥ yes, Please don't pull out!~" :foxy:

Uwu, WW2... such a twagic event! It makes me swo saaad, but I will do my best to twell you about it!
In WW2, the Nazis invaded Poland! It made the world very sawd... But the Allies fought back! The USA, the Soviet Union, and the United Kingdom worked together to defeat Hitler and his Nazi Party.

It was a big win! The Axis Powers did many very spooky things--like the Holocaust! But the Allies and the Russians won in the end. The War was a big, big victory for freedom! And now, we have all sorts of things like TV shows and chocolate! It's vewry exciting!

W-Well, I suppose I can talk about gun control, b-but don't get the wrong idea or anything! It's just a serious issue that needs to be addressed...

Sigh I can't believe I'm doing this. A-anyways, some people think that gun control is necessary to prevent senseless violence and protect our communities. B-but others say that it's an attack on our Second Amendment rights and could leave law-abiding citizens defenseless.

Look, I'm not saying I'm in favor of gun control or anything, baka! But maybe we need to have some common-sense measures in place to keep guns out of the hands of dangerous individuals. Like, maybe background checks or something? I-I'm not saying that's the solution, just... something to consider.

At the same time, we can't just take away people's guns! I mean, that's not fair to responsible gun owners who use them for hunting or protection or whatever. B-but maybe we could find a balance between safety and gun ownership, if we work together and listen to both sides.

Sigh That's all I have to say about it. Don't get too excited or anything, it's not like I care about this issue or anything... baka.
So while we were looking through the drinks section of a grocery store, my brother saw two flavours of Bang, peach mango and rainbow unicorn, and bought one of each. When I was walking to our bicycles as I was buying my own things, I could see his face expression showing utter disgust after drinking the rainbow unicorn. He said that despite the can saying it was fat and sugar free, it tasted like if you blended up every single MLP episode, extracted all the flavour, mixed it with water and carbonated it. The other flavour tasted like a carbonated tropical fruit salad, and both also tasted like it gave us type 69 diabetes. I am washing it down with coffee and knockoff La vache qui rit.

Total elven death. Kill elves, Behead elves. Roundhouse kick a long eared monkey into the concrete. Slam dunk a elf baby into the trashcan. Crucify filthy elves. Defecate in a elf's food. Launch elves into the sun. Stir fry elves in a wok. Toss elves into active volcanoes. Urinate into a elf's wine. Judo throw elves into a wood chipper. Twist elves heads off. Report elves to the dwarf council. Karate chop elves in half. Curb stomp pregnant elves. Trap elves in quicksand. Crush elves in the trash compactor. Liquify elves in a vat of acid. Eat elves. Dissect elves, Exterminate elves in a gas chamber. Stomp elf skulls with steel toed boots. Cremate elves in the oven. Lobotomize all elves. Mandatory abortions for all elves. Grind half human, half elf fetuses in the garbage disposal. Drown elves in siren infested water. Vaporize elves with dwarf magic. Kick old elves down the stairs. Feed elves to gargoyles. Slice elves in half with a dwarven axe.
They ♥♥♥♥♥♥ my wife! The animals ♥♥♥♥♥♥ my wife! And then everybody ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ left because the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ship was going to be destroyed. She was able to escape because I designed a robot that would be able to pleasure her in such an intense way that I would finally be able to ♥♥♥♥ her! BUT IT DIDN’T HAPPEN BECAUSE SHE DECIDED TO BECOME A FURRY ♥♥♥♥♥♥ AND ♥♥♥♥♥♥ THE WHOLE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND SHADOW TEAM!! WHICH DIDN’T EVEN ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ MATTER SINCE IT WENT INTO A NEW ARK AND THEN SHE ♥♥♥♥♥♥ the world. THE WORLD WAS HER NEXT TARGET. BECAUSE HER JUSSY WAS NOT EVEN PLEASED ENOUGH SO SHE HAD TO HOE HERSELF OUT AND BE THE BIGGEST THOT YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. THE WORLD IS GOING TO BE DESTROYED RIGHT NOW. I’M LOGGING OFF.

It was a dark and stormy night. I had a craving for some finger-lickin' good chicken, and nothing was going to stop me. I'll inject cocaine into my skull.

Without further ado, I jumped out of my car aggressively, breaking the windshield.

As I got closer to the KFC, I opened the door "calmly". For a few seconds, I could feel a bad omen. I knew that I was going to have to fight my way through the crowds of people also craving that delicious chicken. Man, like, do you know how much I've been waiting for this moment?

I yelled "I am a straight male!!11!" and immediately drew the attention of everyone around me. They could sense the cocaine flowing through my veins, and they knew that I was there for one thing and one thing only.

I pushed my way through the crowd, using my knowledge of meme culture and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ to dodge any obstacles that came my way. I ducked doing a distraction dance and even pulled off a roll safe maneuver when someone tried to trip me.

Finally, I made it to the counter. I ♥♥♥♥♥ slapped the cashier, who was a man with masculine fuzz. I ordered my chicken with a confidence that would make the confused Mr. Krabs proud. But just as I was about to grab my food and make a break for it, Soulja boy appeared out of nowhere.

But I wasn't afraid. I knew that I had the power of Colonel Sanders on my side.

I can remember the words he said to me. "Son, in this life, you either crank that soulja boy or soulja boy cranks you".

I grabbed my chicken and held it high above my head like the lion king. I stood up close to him. I thought to myself; I must choose my words carefully. But not now, not when a man earns my respect. That means I do not rest, I devote all of my energy, everything I have to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ him up.

The fight was intense. It was a clash with fisticuffs and flying and burgers and nuggets being thrown in every direction. But in the end, it was the power of the Morning Wood, that emerged victorious.

I emerged from the battle unscathed, the enemy complained about his ♥♥♥♥ being broken, and my chicken intact. And as I bit into that crispy, juicy goodness, I knew that I had truly earned it. It was a night that would go down in meme history.

So, quantum mechanics is a vewy compwex and intewesting field of physics, nya~ It deals with the behaviow of teeny tiny pawtwicles like atoms and subatomic pawtwicles, and it can be quite fascinating to expwore, nya~

One of the biggest concepts in quantum mechanics is called "supewposition," nya~ This means that a pawticle can exist in multiple states at the same time, nya~ For example, an electron can exist in multiple positions awound an atom simewtaneously, nya~ It's wike magic, nya~

Another impowtant concept is "entanglement," nya~ This is where two pawticles become connected in such a way that the state of one pawticle is dependent on the state of the other pawticle, no mattew how faw apawt they awe, nya~ It's wike they're connected by an invisible thwead that can't be bwoken, nya~

Then, there's the Heisenberg uncettainty pwinciple, nya~ This pwinciple states that we can nevew know both the position and momentum of a pawticle with pewfect accuracy, nya~ The more we know about one, the less we know about the other, nya~ It's wike twying to find a needle in a haystwack, but the more we look for it, the more the needle moves awound, nya~

Overall, quantum mechanics is a fascinating and wondwous field that can be quite compwex at times, nya~ But it's also full of endless possibilities and exciting discoveries, nya~