Posted: March 25
So, here we are. Duke Nukem Forever. I picked this one up really late because honestly I avoided it a lot, and after all this time, after the dust has settled, lets just see how this game truly is.
First of all, prior to writing this review I decided to investigate a bit in the 15 years it took this game to be developed and the whopping 20-30 milion dollars invested in this (Wikipedia source: While the game neared completion, the funding began to dry up. Having spent more than $20 million of their own money, Broussard and Miller asked Take-Two for $6 million to complete the game. According to Broussard and Miller, Take-Two initially agreed, but then only offered $2.5 million. Take-Two maintained that they offered $2.5 million up front and another $2.5 million on completion. Broussard rejected the counteroffer, and on May 6, 2009, suspended all development.")
Holy ♥♥♥♥. All that money, all that hype, all the promise, all those expectations....all for nothing.
Duke Nukem Forever starts things off fairly sily, with the endgame boss battle from D3D recreated here, the game starts you off in your penthouse doing...nothing. It starts out guns blazing, fighting the Cycloid Emperor, but then things start to slow down, drasticaly. Why? Wtf. Also, the first joke in the game, literally the first line of the game is the only funny one "After twelve ♥♥♥♥ing years it better be good". They knew they ♥♥♥♥ed up. They ♥♥♥♥ed up so royaly they could never, ever live up to the hype and expectations. Especially with a game that looks and plays like this. This is the main problem, this is what SUCKS. You start the game, walking like a jackass, looking at backgrounds that look so ♥♥♥♥ing horrible, even the 2001 demo had a better looking Las Vegas, you wait for people to move out of the way, listen through boring dialogue, you walk, you walk, you wait for the President to talk to you about some ♥♥♥♥ that you don't care anyway, you punch a few aliens and FINALLY you get a gun. Wow, talk about a slow start, about 30-40 minutes without any action. And after the "action" kick in, you realize something. Hey, wait a minute, why do the guns feel so lame? Why don't enemies react better to my shots? Why is there such a low ammo cap? Why am I regenerating health? Why is there NO GOOD MUSIC IN THIS ♥♥♥♥ING GAME? AND WHY IN THE HOLY MOTHER OF ♥♥♥♥ AM I DOING PLATFORMING AND DRIVING SEQUENCES IN A ♥♥♥♥ING DUKE NUKEM GAME? No, there is no excuse for this mess. No wonder 3D Realms collapsed after this, they invested 20 milion dollars in a game that was announced in 1997, 1998, 2001, 2007 and released in 2011. They pissed on their fans. "When it's done" ♥♥♥♥ you, seriously, worst thing about this whole fiasco is that Duke Nukem is probably DEAD FOREVER. This may have been the final nail in the coffin. But I could rant about this for hours and for pages, let's just break things down into what I enjoyed and what I disliked and give it a personal rating.
- Interactive enviroment
- Fairly decent alien design
- The shotgun is really fun to use
- Some, not all Duke jokes are "fun" to say the least
That's it, I can't think of more, honestly.
- Recycled jokes/enemies,guns - No real new additions to the formula
- Linear corridor levels set on predetermined paths
- Visuals that represent the original release date planned for 2006-2007
- Long, boring and ♥♥♥♥♥♥ platforming, driving and puzzle solving sections that drag on way too long
- Lack of variation with enemy ecounters
- Lame boss battles
- Limited ammo cap
- Regenerating health
- ♥♥♥♥ plot
- ♥♥♥♥ voice acting(aside from Duke)
- 0 enviromental story telling, 0 characters to be remembered
- Lack of a kick ♥♥♥ soundtrack
- Boring overall to play
For the 6 bucks I spent on this, through all the frustrating moments, this game is downright Boring to play. It's just not worth it, I had to try it out for myself to see exactly all it's flaws, but man, does it suck big time. No reedeming factors here. I was expecting a bit more fan service to say the least, but nope. It's just a linear, ♥♥♥♥♥♥, corridor shooter that makes fun of other "modern games" but plays exactly like one. The irony is amazing. ♥♥♥♥ this game, ♥♥♥♥ 3D Realms, ♥♥♥♥ Gearbox and ♥♥♥♥ this game. 3/10