How To Be Toxic Like Dafran

Have you ever been kept awake at night wondering how you can reach Dafran levels of toxicity? When you finally get to sleep do you dream of being banished from competitive Overwatch? Are you a firm believer that any publicity is good publicity? Then this is the guide for you! Join me as we explore social theories on toxicity, the art of toxicity, and finally how you (yes, even you) can be toxic just like Dafran!

Obtaining the game.

1) First things first, load up that Battlenet client. What the frick is a Battlenet you ask? Good thing there are other morons like you out there and someone felt the need to make this video:

2) Get it downloaded successfully? Lets move on to the next step! (if you did not get it downloaded successfully please re-watch the video until it works) Open up that fancy new client and whip out your credit card it's time to buy Overwatch. If you're a jew you will probably purchase the Standard edition for 39.99$, but for all the non-jews reading this, you have multiple options. You can either purchase the Game of The Year edition from Blizzard directly for 59.99 or you can go to a third party key seller and get yourself a shiny copy of the Origins edition containing some neato exclusive skins.

3) DOWNLOAD THAT S H I T.

Picking a character.

You've made it this far and I am proud of you, lets get into the important stuff.

1) If you're going to be anywhere near Dafran levels of toxic you're going to need to pick characters that make people angry as soon as they are selected at the start of the match. Mercy looks hot and aryan, right? WRONG. Zarya seems like a great pro-LGBTQ choice, right? WRONG. Lucio is ending the race war one speed boost at a time, right? WRONG. None of these characters will put you on the team's hate radar fast enough.

2) Here are your top tier cancer choices:
Tracer.
Genji.
Windowmaker.
Torbjorn.

Playing your character.

Looks like you've made your choice, now lets get into how your character should be played.

Tracer:
Aside from crushing millions of male fans' hearts when Blizzard confirmed she is indeed a lesbian, Tracer is by far one of the most hated characters in the game for many reasons. While your team may not want to vomit at the sight of your selection, you can change that with a few simple steps once the match starts. If you're on a payload map make sure you are NEVER near the payload, the same distance protesters are required to keep between them and the abortion clinic should suffice.
NEVER target the other teams healers. Does their Mercy look like she is about to rezz? Be sure to let your team know while doing absolutely nothing about it. Your teammates don't need their kill credit, be sure to get the last hit in on as many of their opponents as possible, you don't want them to forget you exist. Is the match about to go into overtime? Stand just far enough away from the payload that the clock depletes.

Genji:
If this was your selection chances are your team is already writing a heart-felt letter to Jeff Kaplan about how the next feature needs to be a vote kick system. If your team has a healer stay out of their healing range/sight and spam the "Need Healing" command. Genji is mostly the same as Tracer, stay far away from all objectives and don't give the overtime clock a second thought. Genji's ult can be very useful. Be sure to only use it for a solo kill.

Widowmaker:
This one is simple. Find a high ground and practice your quick scoping. Same as the other two, never set foot on the objective. If your team tells you to switch quickly assure them that you will switch when you die. Keep dying, never switch.

Torbjorn:
Place your turret outside of spawn. Throw your armor packs off the map. Remember, Torb is a sniper and the best one in the game.

Reaching level 25.

You're going to need to hit that hard Quick Play/Arcade grind until you can play competitive at level 25. Use this time to hone your skills and come up with new ways to irritate team members into rage quitting.

Creating a Twitch Channel.

You need people to witness your growth, you need a Twitch Channel.
Create one Here[help.twitch.tv]

Joining Competitive.

After all that hard work you're finally here, you can finally play competitive and reach your full toxicity potential. Give yourself a gold star.

By now I assume you are fairly confident in your play style and ability to make your team angry with little effort, but this is competitive and this is a whole new world. A world you will rule with a toxic fist.
If you have not done so yet, refer to the previous step and create a Twitch channel.

You like some dank tunes right? Surely your team will too! Go ahead and blast those tunes through your mic to boost morale. Team doesn't like your taste in music? Clearly they are wrong.

Do you have a squeaker on your team? Don't worry, this happens sometimes. Make friendly conversation with him about his school life, bed times, and what is and is not legal for him to do at his age.

Teams need a leader and that's you! Step up and lead your team with commands like "I need healing!" "Can someone please kill this Pharah?" "Why isnt this turret/Bastion dead?" "Stop taking my health packs" "Do we have a healer?" "You need to pocket heal me" "Being a healer is the easiest role in the game" "Support takes no skill" "Get off the objective and go kill them" "I have more golds than -blank- role, do your job" "We don't need two tanks/healers"

End of the match is for reporting not commendation! Be sure to encourage all players in the match to report your least favorite person.

Utilizing your Twitch following.

Starting to get some views on Twitch? Encourage them to join your game and learn from your new play style!
Have a dance off outside of spawn, spawn camp your opponents, disregard the objectives and hunt down your opponents in a pack! Go wild!

Receiving your first ban.

If all went well by this point you should have received your first suspension or ban! I bet your parents are proud.
Be sure to blog all about this, don't apologize for anything. Apologies are for nerds.
Rally your followers and prepare for when the ban is lifted, this is just the first adventure of many on your road to being as toxic as Dafran.

**BONUS POINTS**

-Get suspended/banned from a tournament.
-Get suspended/banned across several accounts
-Get reported by every player in a match
-Log over 100 hours on one of the mentioned characters and no one other than those characters.

[1bryy]

amazing

[eren]

Still waiting for the sequel

[Niku]

God damn it lux