Dark Souls 3 - A guide to playing.

A guide for Beginners and Masters alike. Telling them how they should be playing the game, and how they were playing it wrong.

Section A. Beginners.

So you think you wanna play Dark Souls 3? Well thats kinda not ok. You have to at least go through the other 2 games once for the lore. LORE. Yeah Lore is pretty good. You gotta read every item description too, so you can get that JUICY LORE. The games you have to run through before this souls game? Dark souls 1 and Bloodborne. Yeah not Dark Souls 2, it's a widely known fact that Dark Souls 2, is pretty bad. So go ahead and go back to Dark Souls 1 and get all the fashion and lore you can!





Remember. FASHION and LORE above all else. Even if it means losing those souls you worked so hard to collect! You just gotta read all the lore on those items you picked up while running away from those STUPID BONE WHEEL SKELETONS.

Now you are probably asking, "Why do I have to run through Bloodborne if I wanna play dark souls 3?". Such a simple answer, cause you have to play something instead of dark souls 2, and it might as well be a good FromSoftware game. No seriously, don't play Dark Souls 2. Even if your just playing it to be ironic, it's bad.

Section B. The Dark Souls Speed Runner

Look, you think you're good now. You've run through the game at least 400 times looking for the fastest path possible in the game. And you managed to beat the game in under an hours time!

But alas, the glitch where Weeaboo from firelink is gone and you need help doing the dancer in 5 minutes. Well look no further!


If you wanna beat the dancer real fast you gotta go full Vitality! Don't you know if you have more health you'll last longer in bed and in fights? You'll last so long the dancer won't know what to do! Now with this Supreme Knowledge, I want you to go into the world and speed run that dancers bloody little head off.

Oh yeah and a sidenote? If anyone invades you ever just use Seed of a Giant. No one ever expects that. Or just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ go into offline mode.

Section C. The Master Dark Souls Player

And now for our final subject. You. You are the ultimate Dark Souls player aren't you. You've played through this game at least 40 times. You've even played through Dark Souls 1 and 2 50 times each! Even though we all know Dark Souls 2 was bad. You were the one guy who thought, "This games bad but, I have to play it. It's dark souls!"

Now thats ok, but we both know what you did. You played every type of class and got all the fashion. Even the secret spooky hidden fashions in Dark Souls 2. And that's pretty good. But you never went to the level of doing the OP things people were doing in any of the games.


Dark Souls 1? "Yeah I never touched Wraith of the Gods in that game, way too OP!"
Dark Souls 2? "Yeah I would never ever use a hex build, thats boring gameplay!"
Bloodborne? "yeah I would NEVER use Ludwig's Noob Blade, that ruins the experience!"
And finally Dark Souls 3. "I am not a dex user! Dex is for losers who don't know how to play this game, and people who use bleed builds are absolute losers!"

And that is your downfall. You never used the cheeky builds, so now you aren't really a master. You gotta go back to all the games and use the absolute CHEEKIEST and EASIEST builds in the game to be a true master.


I mean, how else would you know the Lore on the spectacular carthus curved sword that you hate so much, if you never even picked it up.




And of course you musn't forget the no hud run. If I even hear about you having a hud enabled once in the game, I'm going to revoke your master card. And then you'll have to just speed run the game and NEVER play pvp again.

Section D. Parrying

Have you ever sat there, spamming the ♥♥♥♥ out of your R1 button with your underleveled rapier and buckler, and thought to yourself "gee, i wonder what happens if I click the left trigger!" and then it happens. Your whole world gets flipped upside down and f*cked by sheer amount of amazement you feel as you watch your buckler swing gracefully through the wind. You know what you must do, you have found a new path and no fire-linking lore BULLSH*T is going to stop you from doing what you BORN to do. YOU ARE GOING TO BECOME A PARRY GOD!

Parrying is a very simple concept that can be quite difficult to master but, once you've become obtained full parry potential you can finally leave the realm of the foolish magic-♥♥♥♥ and ASCEND TO GODHOOD.


Once you've parried succesfully in Dark Souls it will become your life, you eat, sleep, and die for the parry. one more parry you say, this time I'll parry Pontiff, just one more parry. we are born of the parry, made men by the parry, undone by the parry.

You no longer will have any use for your friends and family, you will begin to parry the air around you out of habit, you will PARRY THEM ALL

Section E. Customization of your character

You should always make a beautful looking character in this game of course. If you do, you'll have a chance to make it onto one of the most famous of londors magazines! I mean if you have a character and it isn't beautiful then you'll regret it for the whole play through of the game!
Things you can do to make your character more beautiful?
1. Make the color of their skin as different as possible!
2. Make their nose stick out!
3. Even make their eyes look different for those close up shots!



Now that you've made a great looking character, have become the best parrying man, and world record holder for speed running this game, you'll wanna go back over your character names.

Are they names that are generic? Like maybe you named your first character after yourself, and thats ok and all but you shouldn't have. Cause now people know what your real name is, and what are you going to do to protect yourself? That's right, parry.

But of course you could've simply avoided abusing your power as parry god and named your character something magical. Name your character something that strikes fear in to your opponents eyes.

Things that strike fear in Opponents eyes
1. Naming your character lore wise
Example: Dave of Londor
2. Naming your character something spooky
Example: Skeletal Bro
3. Naming your character after your build
Example: FULLBLEEDBUILD#129

See these are all things that are pretty spooky, and if I saw, I would immediately roll off the edge in fear!

Now go on champ and name your character something amazing!

[Naughtius_Maximus]

Dark souls 2 got me into the series.

[ase]

hiroshima was a blessing

[Jakno]

@Lex Dark souls 2 had some of the nicest looking areas, like the shrine of anime (amana). But over all it just wasn't good.

[Domaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

dark soul 2 was fun. best fun for pvp honestly, had a blast. everything else not so good
except the areas were pretty neat

[TwistedHumor]

10/10

[Jupiterjumper2]

@Neptune [Purple Heart] Pranked you good

[Remicalane]

I accidentally ate your cat.

[Jakno]

@neptune [Purple Heart] You dare thumb me down? I am basically a pope of dark souls! To denounce my words is to denounce dark souls itself!

[Ezra Nobleheart]

-> Claims Dark Souls II is bad. *thumbs down*

[Jupiterjumper2]

@Charles Vane also like 30 out of the 40+ bosses in dark souls 2 were garbage.