How to play the bm_sts map and not be completely useless

So you're playing sven coop with your friends, having fun and ♥♥♥♥. Suddenly, you server changes maps to bm_sts. Cue 30 minutes of boring headcrabs battles and ♥♥♥♥♥♥ whining from your friends with the ocassional zombie in there. You and your friends vow to never choose this map again, because its so ♥♥♥♥. But you're wrong. Its not ♥♥♥♥. And you know why ?

BECAUSE NONE OF YOU PRICKS KNOW HOW TO PLAY THIS DAMN MAP!!!

But do not worry, because this simple yet insulting guide will help your to overcome your incopetence and actually enjoy this map

SO LETS BEGIN!!!

Step 1: The beginning

So you spawn inside a hallway. Since you're smart, you probably notice that you dont have weapons. Thats because you dont need them.

Now if you run around a bit, you will find a huge room with some scientists in, talking about ties and ♥♥♥♥, who also have some stupid names and ludicrous amounts of health. Never mind them, focus on the big ass screen in the middles of the room. It has the instructions for the game mode. But of course you wont read them because:
1)You're an idiot
2)You're a moron
3)You're ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ both

So instead look a bit down. There is a button with the word "START". You can figure out the next step.

So after you did the last step, a vote appears. Its will ask you how many teams you want (either 4 or 2, 4 means a bigger ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in the arena, while 2 means a bigger mess in general), how many rounds you want (min is 4, max is 16) and how many research points you want (Either 4 or 80. I'll explain in the next step).

So after all that, the boring as ♥♥♥♥, text-to-speach map announcer says "Choose teams". Whats that, my intellectually challenged friends? You don't know how to choose teams? Well, its a simple matter of doing the super advanced tactical manouver of jumping down choosing between Green, Red, Blue and Yellow.

So you choose your teams and suddenly and you're teleported to the next and the most important part of the map

THE LABORATORY

Step 2: THE LABORATORY

So here we are, THE LABORATORY!!!. This is where the magic happens. Or atleast SUPPOSED to happen, but you know. The average demographic seems to be russian 9-year olds. For me, anyway.

So, if you bothered to look up from your ♥♥♥♥, the first thing you would probably noticed are some blue, shining eggs. These eggs are your babies, your spawn, the little happy accidents that your parents hid in your basement because they were conceived by the unholy coitus between your dad and your sister with a little bit of dog on the side. Or to put it simply: They are the main game mechanic of the map.

These eggs dictate what monsters appear in the arena. If you mouse over the egg you will see the following:

Type:monster_headcrab (monster type, self explanetory)
Rarity:Common (How good your monster is. the levels are Common/Rare/Legendary/Godlike/Awesome)
Strenght:1 (How many monsters spawn from your egg. Max is 3)
Techlevel:0 (Current Techlevel. goes from 0 to 5)

As you can see. Its complete ♥♥♥♥. But not to worry, I will show you have to improve them.

The next thing you see is a machine. This machine upgrades your eggs and changes the monsters. That is a good thing.

Near the machine, on the right, you have a big screen telling you how many RESEARCH POINTS you have. RESEARCH POINTS are the currency of this map. You use it for 2 things. Upgrading your eggs to the next techlevel and gambling for better monsters.

To upgrade to the next techlevel, you use the right side hole of the machine. You push the egg in, and if you have enough research points, the egg changes color and breaks some magic glass. This is a great, but expensive thing. (lvl 1 costs 8/ 2-12/3-18/4-24/5-30). To unlock the next techlevel, you need to upgrade ALL THE EGGS to the current techlevel

To gamble for monsters, you push the UPGRADED egg to the left side hole. This hole randomises the eggs monster, rarity and strenght. The absolute best you can get is an awesome monster with strenght level 3, while the worst is a common with a strenght level 1. Not to mention the type of monster it is (Compare a zombie to Barney). Each gamble is random and costs 1 research point. So be prepared to give Lady Luck some favours.

Now after all that is done you do the last step. Push the eggs into the four holes on the left side of the room and pull a switch on the upgrade machine and wait for the other teams to finish and do the same.

And now we move on to step 3

THE ARENA AND MINIGAMES

Step 3: ARENA AND MINIGAMES

So all the teams got there monsters in and pulled the lever. And now the fun begins

All players are teleported to a random map. More specifically, the maps skybox. On the ground you see the battle arena where the monsters fight. Here you enjoy the hard work of your labor competing against the enemys. Possibilities are limitless. You can see an army of zombies fighting Grunts. a group of Barneys wearing jump packs against Demonic looking bullsquids and more. The monsters are uncontrollable, so you have to rely on the AI for victory (The AI is suprisingly good tbh).

So after a round, there is a chance that you all be teleported to a MINIGAME. Minigames are a great way to earn research points. So far I expierenced a capture the flag minigame, survival minigame where you have to survive against perpetually spawning Gargantuas and an underwaters escape minigame. Everytime your team wins, you get 10 research points. A great bonus if you're having a loosing streak.

Conclussion

So here we are. You are now part of the elite group of people who know how to play this map. Now go out there and Be awesome and make papa Pissman happy.

Also recommend this guide to other players.

GOOD LUCK AND HAVE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ FUN!!!

[julius]

strop swearing so much dog

[NUA Little Water]

isn't max strenght 4 ?

[Alucard]

the only "incopetence" is your atrocious spelling.

[girl , and. Sniper Learner.]

dude the map just sucks

[Stormblades]

Are the screens on bm_sts still misaligned?

[Gravelord Lych]

Tape, tech just means the level of your crystal/egg. 0's can only use headcrabs and zombies, while 3's can use shocktroops and assassins. Higher tech level, stronger monsters

[Flex_Tape467]

What's tech level?

[Shrimp]

When I play with only one friend in the two team mode and get ready, the game doesn't start. Do we need at least 4 players to play?

[Tergative]

El Nino Viejo YES! I just finished remaking bm_sts for Gmod, you can find it here:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2422776877

You can play it with 2-4 teams, so 3 would work

[patocongonorrea2]

Does anybody know a way to play this map with only 3 teams?