Scumbag Soldier Mains

A guide that details what Scumbag Soldier Mains are, how to identify one, how to combat them, and of course, how to prevent yourself from becoming one.

All pictures from this guide (barring one) are taken anonymously from the TF2 Soldier Main community, to showcase and maintain credibility. They are not made by me. It is not uncommon one will contract cancer from this guide or the pictures it showcases.
You have been warned.

Preview

This guide will be split into sections for your reading pleasure.

1. What is a Scumbag Soldier Main?

   • A brief explanation

2. How to Identify a Scumbag Soldier Main

   • What they wear
     
   • What they use
     
   • How they act
     
   • Steam profile and social life

3. How to Combat a Scumbag Soldier Main

   • As Scout
     
   • As Demoman
     
   • As Heavy
     
   • As Sniper

4. How to Prevent Yourself From Becoming a Scumbag Soldier Main

   • Introduction to the FloomRide Scumbag Point System™️

5. But I'm Not a Scumbag Soldier Main! Screw You, FloomRide!

   • whatever you say

6. Other Guides by FloomRide

What is a Scumbag Soldier Main?

Frankly, the scum of TF2, terrorizing peaceful pubs and utterly ruining teamplay with their clearly whipped and abused pocket medic girlfriends.

They adhere to everything in this inspiring artwork by yours truly:
http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=563933819

Keep in mind that not all Soldier Mains are of the scumbag variety, and that with this guide to aid you, you can remain a decent human being even if you choose to play the second class.

How to Identify a Scumbag Soldier Main

Scumbag Soldier mains are not uncommon. You'll see one guaranteed at least every other valve pub you visit, and most likely community servers as well. There are several characteristics that define Scumbag Soldier Mains, as described in detail below.

How They Dress

Scumbag Soldier Mains use overrated cosmetics such as the Point and Shoot, Team Captain, Antarctic Parka, Tyrant's Helm, Kringle Collection, ect. Multi-class hats such as the Max's head or All-Father may also be used. They believe with unsettling zeal that these hats are "the best" and "a good hat". Despite frequent accusations of being cancerous or toxic from their peers, Scumbag Soldier Mains will continue to dress this way until they have scammed enough players out of their items to trade up for a more expensive cosmetic. It is not uncommon to see a Scumbag Soldier Main wearing an unusual, and often they do have unusuals, so beware and keep a keen eye for shiny hats.
They may also elect to paint their already questionable hats a rather disgusting color such as the universally dreaded Bitter Taste of Defeat and Lime or Pink as Hell paint cans. They take unhealthy amounts of pride in the fact that their "good" hats are painted.

Choice of Weaponry

Scumbag Soldier Mains can use a variety of crutch weaponry that turns Soldier, a class of already questionable skill floor, into a mindless m1 adventure. Unlike m1 Pyros, however, they'll get plenty of kills using these weapons and feel good about it.

The Scumbag Soldier Main Arsenal

• Beggar's Bazooka
  
• Concheror
  
• Black Box
  
• Australium Rocket Launcher (this can also be used by real, wholesome soldier mains)
  
• Direct Hit

"Direct Hit? I though that was for Pros?"
The Direct Hit is a crutch disguised as a skillful weapon. Although it has a small blast radius, the faster projectile speed makes it far easier to land shots, paired with absurd firepower and very little self-damage at close range.
An example of a Scumbag Soldier Main using the Blackbox, next to a "Pyro"

How They Act

Scumbag Soldier Mains care not for the team or the objective. They'll scream for a Medic until they have one. Their health is always over 210, 230 if using the Battalion's Backup. They will roam the map, looking for noncombat classes to pick off to get the highest killstreak possible. If they are not using the Beggar's, they may rocketjump everywhere to get into the fight, get a kill, then escape and scream for the medic they left when they rocketjumped into the fight. Spawncamping and other rather distasteful acts are frequent.

They often do a taunt (such as laugh or bring a bag of coffee out of their coat) atfer a kill, and always after a Market Gardener kill. Common bind spam such as lennies should be expected.

Social Life

The artist of this is Frying Pan115. His name is here under his request.

Scumbag Soldier Mains act self-important, edgy, and cringey in all regards. Above all they think incredibly highly of themselves, no matter how bad they actually are, and their ego soars at downright unhealthy levels.
Their profile descriptions speak for themselves, with the avatar usually being a poorly-drawn representation or SFM of their soldier striking a dramatic "tough guy" pose such as standing on a rock.

They may also use this profile picture to the left.
Bonus points if they're impersonating someone who uses it.

How to Combat a Scumbag Soldier Main

So, some of you may be thinking right now; "Time to serve some vigilante justice to these cretins!", and you'd be absolutely right. However, Soldier is not an easy class to kill, with the second highest health, very high firepower, and the ability to knock you airborne. Unfortunately, there are only four classes that can consistently take the fight to Soldiers without too much help from their team.

As Scout

Scout is Soldier's most effective soft counter. Soldier, as a generalist class, has no hard counter.

As a scout, use your double-jump to your advantage. Use it to dodge rockets and remain above the Soldier's height, making airshots the only option. Fire down with your scattergun at close range, but don't get too close, because rockets at point blank, escpecially those from a direct hit, can end you fast. If he has a Medic, kill the medic first, because there's no way you'll kill the soldier if he's being healed.

Juicy, a Scout main, has a decent guide on scout movement, good for countering Soldiers.
http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=573565274

As Demoman

There are two things you can do against a Scumbag Soldier Main, depending on if he has a Medic or not.

If he is alone, pelt him with pipes. If you are a skillful player and can land 2 (it's rather easy when they aren't rocketjumping), then he'll be done for and you'll feel very skillful and successful.

If he has a Medic, Spam stickies. There's not much else you can do that will deal enough damage fast enough (pipes take time to aim) to both him and his Medic. Even if you feel like a scummy stickyspammer afterwards, keep in mind you did it for a good cause.

As Heavy

Heavy is a powerful class, capable of incredible firepower at close range. He can take out Scumbag Soldier Mains with some work.

You can usually just deny any lone Soldier that jumps you when your gun is spun up, so keep an eye out and spin up your gun whenever you see an enemy that's in range or could come into range quickly.

Soldiers with Medics is a bigger problem, however. The best way to respond to this would be to aim for the Medic, damage him enough to either kill him or send him into retreat, then retreat yourself. If you have a shotgun, try and slow or discourage his pursuit. Grab a health pack or a Medic of your own, spin up, and mow down the Soldier when he inevitably comes for you (he should be following your retreat).

As Sniper

Before I get into this, I reccomend you pick another class if you're not good at rifle Sniper. Huntsman and Sydney Sleeper Snipers aren't the best for eliminating Soldiers on the battlefield.

It's pretty self-explanatory what you do to kill someone as Sniper. Against soldiers, you can either headshot once then bodyshot or let teammates finish him off, or charge a headshot.

Against a Soldier-Medic pair, you may feel inclined to shoot the Medic first, and on paper it's more beneficial to. However, in pub play it's better to kill the Soldier first, because he's the one who can kill you. The Medic, following his Scumbag Soldier Main pocket as he extends far into enemy terrirtory, will be forced to retreat, and if you're skilled you can headshot him or charge a bodyshot if you have the time.

How to Prevent Yourself From Becoming a Scumbag Soldier Main

This is you (presentation)

"But, what can I do to prevent myself from becoming a Scumbag Soldier Main?", you may be asking.
It's true that not all Soldier Mains are Scumbags, and as a Soldier Main it is your duty to prevent yourself from becoming toxic.

That's where I reveal a new technological advancement in mearsurement, the FloomRide Scumbag Point System™️. It assigns points to certain traits of a Scumbag Soldier Main, and you can recognize what they are and prevent yourself from doing them. Below is a table of how these points are assigned, and below that is what these points mean.

FloomRide Scumbag Point System™️
"Using" refers to only ever equipping said item.
Simply using an item every now and then does not apply.

Characteristic	Points
Maining Soldier	3
Using overrated hats	4
Using Lime Paint	2
Using Pink Paint	3
Using the Beggar's Bazooka	4
Using the Blackbox	2
Using the Concheror	3
Using the Direct Hit	1
Having a Pocket Medic on call	6
You only play on pubs, to pubstomp	4
You take pride in any of the above	5

Rating System

5 points or less -
You're all good.
6 points or more -
Watch yourself, my friend.
10 points or more -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k0SmqbBIpQ20 points or more - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EEeaKhc8WA30 points or more -
At this point you won't even listen to me anymore.

But I'm Not a Scumbag Soldier Main! Screw You, FloomRide!

Dear god why?
I can't even begin to describe this.


















https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-ObB_S_qZo

Other Guides by FloomRide

Take a break from studying cancer.
http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=566827580
http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=277086836
http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=384294734
http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=490622416

[pulse/surreal]

poor engie got triggered

[Beet]

would enjoying the concheror count as taking pride in using it

[Otter Skorzeny]

Fuck you Floom "Incels belong in cells" Ride, I'll treat my Medic girlfriend exactly as deserves to treated. It's not my fault she can't keep up with my sick rocket jump skills. She just needs to get better with a Quickfix and landing those Crusader's Crossbow shots! There's a reason I need my Battalion's Backup and Blackbox equipped at all times! How else do you expect me to survive when I have to play with my dogshit femoid??? And yes, I use the Team Captain and Anarctic Parka, my girlfriend has a military uniform fetish and I'm happy to oblige her and show off to my team that I'M the CENTRAL point of command for our sorties. Don't you forget what I've said and PRAY you don't find me in your games, because if you do. Pray will turn to prey real fast, many such cases!

[UNCLEWOKIAN DANEBOT MIND-VIRUS]

why do you have a "medic gf"

[vahll]

haha yeah im totally not one of those guys. Its not like I have a pocket medic on my ass 24/7, hah yeah I TOTALLY dont use pink paint. Im not a scumbag soldier main I promise!!!!!

[Sanzetti]

I mean this is pretty accurate.

[For Whom The Bee Trolls]

Was enjoying until I saw the brony art. Disgusting.

[Final Badguy]

i dunno

[Nostril]

Why am I still getting hate?

[⟡ Ourple Brat ♡]

A yes tryhard soldier Very good