How to be a Hoovy. [May require P2P]

Well, first some disclaimers!

1. Let's get this out of the way: being a Hoovy is NOT EASY.
2. You will be killed by many P2P's and F2P's alike.
3. If you invest in some Hoovy cosmetics, but quit being a Hoovy soon after, don't blame me.
4. This is my first guide ever, so feedback would be appreciated!

The Basics

The basic philosiphy's of a Hoovy.
Now, while giving sandwiches and healing cold-hearted killers sounds fun, it will take a while to get used too. You will have to throw out everything you have learned in tf2, and just think, "I am a human dispenser, that can only heal, but I am not a medic." This is the basic mindset of a simple Hoovy. Some warm-hearted people also sometimes even convert to a Hoovy to befriend you. But be aware, as if a stranger attacks you, you will unfortunately have to retaliate. But don't do this immediately, usually only if they start dominating you, because then they are just plain old ♥♥♥♥♥.

The Hoovy's Cosmetics!

Gibus-Vision
This gibus heavy is a perfect example of what NOT to do as a Hoovy.
Unfortunately, these types of Hoovies are the ones who get trampled on the most, as they are usually too new to comprehend the ability of running away, or, they may get too angry even though the person shot them on accident. So all in all, the gibusvision combo is not great.

The Tough Guy's Toque+Other Friendly Looking Cosmetics.
Ah, a classic!
The Tough Guy's Toque is one of the hats that really represent a true Hoovy. Also, the hat is quite cheap. Only 1 refined and a reclaimed. So when you get a chance, pick one up from outpost/bazaar/whatever the hell traders use and wear it with pride! Basically, if you want to just be Hoovy, pick one up, and I am 76% sure you will be satisfied!

The Pretty Princess (Entire Set)
Yes, Heavy, is in fact, made of Sugar Plums.
With this stuningly arousing outfit, you are sure to attract anyone to your sandvich-y goodness! The main awesome thing about it is when pressing C, then 2, you will say one of the Heavy Princess' awesome quotes!
List of quotes when pressing C+2 (Default Keybinds):
"Heavy is PRETTY PRINCESS."
"Heavy is fairy tale, come to life!"
"Heavy IS MADE OF SUGAR PLUMS"
"Everyone! Friendship is stupid magic!"
Yes, I know, these quotes are awesome, thank me later. Also, unfornuately, the set is Halloween exclusive. But on the upside, the whole set is only like 5.66 ref :D.

The BirdHeavy!
Ooooh, quite the expensive taste!
While being a Halloween exclusive item, it's still quite pricey, all the way up to an entire key just for Halloween hat! Well that sounds like a rip off, you will be the pinnacle of all the hoovies on the server, cause you will probably be the only with a flippin' bird head! This heavy head also gets special quotes (only from dominations):
"As promised, Heavy will now lay egg in your mouth."
"Now Bird Heavy will vomit worms down your throat."
And as you probably know, the cosmetic is based off the Red army Robin cosmetic, also for Heavy. So if you wear both, it will look pretty cool!

The Santa Hoovy!
Ho ho ho! (Thank you PTSD filled war veteran for reminding me about this outfit)
This outfit consists of the B.M.O.C (Big Man of Christmas), and the all-father. Using these 2 comsetics with a festive sandvich and the Holiday Punch will turn you in to a fat, red guy who goes in to people's homes once a year and gives them presents! Although, some people don't have access to the B.M.O.C, as the hat on it's own is about 4 keys! However, a good replacement would be the "Old Man Frost" cosmetic, for Heavy.

The Bear Hoovy!
No, Heavy is not a cosplayer (ok, he might be). Thank you Azazel for reminding me about this special Hoovy!
Now the Bear Hoovy is quite unique. Instead of looking friendly, he looks like a bear! Using the hat known as the "Bear Necessities". Also, to go with the costume even more, you can use the steak sandvich and the warrior's spirit. The steak sandvich gives the same amount of health a regular sandvich does, so that's good. While the Warrior's Spirit gives you 20 less health, it just goes so well with the outfit. And a final note, POOTIS.

The Loadout!

The real final step to being a Hoovy, after learning the mindset, how to act, and what cosmetics to wear, finally, the most important step, which even the poor gibus-vision Hoovy can do, the loadout! First of all, you will need the...Sandvich!
The origin of the Hoovy, the reason they are not extinct, the main reason they exist, the Sandvich. Considered by many Hoovy ecologists and Archaeologists to be an ancestral recipe, dating all the way back to the developement of TFC. It was a faithful lunch break for poor Gabe. He was just eating a Sammich and said, "Ya know what, we should totally put sammiches is TFC!" But everyone knew he was crazy and just moved on. But one day, during a millenium later, in the 2008 "Heavy Update", the sammich was created. But seriously, this is a pocket health kit, for strangers or for yourself, and should 99% of the time be used on people mashing their "E" key.

Substitute for the Sandvich: The sandviches retarded cousin, chocolate in Russian spelled backwards.
While yes, it does recharge quicker, it's only a small health kit, and only adds a 50 health buff if you eat it yourself. All in all, just use the sandvich. The health total from it is extremely better than this fat-filled, non-nutritious candy bar.

The Hoovies Primary: (ONLY TO BE USED FOR SELF-DEFENSE):While yes, as a Hoovy you probably shouldn't be shooting a gun much, you may be forced to in the case of an unfortunate domination, or just some jerk being mean to you, or a guy harrassing you for sandvich, even though it's recharging. The reason most Hoovies use this wep is because of the faster spin-up time, as you never know who or when you may get shot.

The Hoovies melee:These adorable gloves+any of the cosmetic sets from earlier are sure to make your patient/friend's heart melt. You will look so cute! Also, insted of brutaly murdering them you can just tickle them and warn them in chat! It's a weapon valve made literally just for Hoovie's!

Conclusion and Sources!

Thank you for taking time out of your wonderful days for reading this awesome guide! I have been working on it for about and hour and a half, and comments, ratings, and things I missed would greatly be aprecciated! Also, if you'd like to help me in making this guide better, just send me a friend request! Have a good day.

Gibus heavy image: http://images.akamai.steamusercontent.com/ugc/46502145228577913/E1FCBF4B5ED55C9E3F83C01A50310EF17CCC482C/

First Image in "The Basics": https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/7/74/Tough_Guy's_Toque.png/250px-Tough_Guy's_Toque.png?t=20140519215520

Tough guy's Toque Hoovy: http://images.akamai.steamusercontent.com/ugc/920149851456771156/69B07D1B21EDCF45AA10672272D367C85B71A647/?interpolation=lanczos-none&output-format=jpeg&output-quality=95&fit=inside%7C1024:936&composite-to=*,*%7C1024:936&background-color=black

Heavy Fairy: https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/6/69/Grand_Duchess_Tiara.png/250px-Grand_Duchess_Tiara.png?t=20121114233938

Chicken Kiev (Chicken Head): https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/6/67/Chicken_Kiev.png/250px-Chicken_Kiev.png?t=20140827191905

Santa Hoovy:
http://pre07.deviantart.net/7a98/th/pre/f/2014/319/6/f/santa_heavy_loves_sandviches_by_erikmora-d86ka01.jpg

Sandvich: http://media.steampowered.com/apps/440/icons/c_sandwich_large.c80afc8889ca66c4d029ce426af5286a8fb289bc.png

Dalokohs Bar: http://media.steampowered.com/apps/440/icons/c_chocolate_large.e737c290b16907b685572d588ddb1ab48ca5addc.png

Tomislav: https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/3/37/Tomislav.PNG/250px-Tomislav.PNG?t=20110624024456

Holiday Punch: https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/6/6e/RED_Holiday_Punch.png/250px-RED_Holiday_Punch.png?t=20120124221645

[(CKTE) Sani the item collector]

Im a certified hoovy player now

[unclebricked]

*Pootis*

nom nom nom, nom, nom nom.

[spy from team fort the second]

pootis POW haha *gets destroyed by a literal "hand gun"*

[Flipper Flounder]

nom nom nom om om

[Radio Guy]

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▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█░░░░░░░░░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▌ POOTIS POW!!!
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[Goofy Ahh Gamer]

Very cool
Tells the new hoovies how to do play hoovy very nice

[skywal001]

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[Leafbox_]

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▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█░░░░░░░░▓ Pootis Cannon Pow!
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[The Political Cow]

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▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█░░░░░░░░░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▌ POOTIS POW !!!
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[Jake]

Awesome guide XD