CSGO SERIES WITH A HEARTBREAK

More than a year with depression as a result of a heartbreak from the woman I wanted to marry and have children, this guide covers how Counter Strike saved my life.

You were the light when everything fell apart

After four years with the woman I loved the most, the one I shared the most with, the woman who motivated me to enter university and move forward in life—after she left me, moved on, and replaced me with someone else—I fell into the abyss. And this game gave me light in all the darkness.
At first, this game made me angry for many reasons—teammates, hackers, I didn’t understand the recoil of the weapons, and it all seemed absurd. But with every match, I loved it more. Every second spent in this game was one less second crying, one less second wondering why I wasn’t enough for the woman I loved so much…
You might think it’s an exaggeration to create a full guide just because of this, but the pain I feel is still too much for me, even though two years have passed since our breakup. She was my first in everything—my first kiss, my first “I love you,” my first promise. She was special to me, and it breaks my heart to know that after so much love, things ended this way.

You were the easiest "hello" but the most complicated "goodbye Valeria:c"

I think I remember you. I think I remember our calls during quarantine, watching anime or Disney movies together, going out and kissing. I remember your laughter and your deep gaze with your little brown eyes. I don’t know what happened to us, but it hurts that it ended this way.

Missing u

I really miss you. I miss you at night, but I miss you even more while I study, remembering your "I wish you luck" or in the mornings with your "Good morning, my love."

But what can I do, Val, without you?
Im scared..
Jamás olvidaré tus “te amito”

I miss you a lot

I think I’ve seen you, you were dressed just as I remember, wide gray pants, a Sanrio bag, Converse sneakers just like the ones you used to wear with me, long black hair, and glasses. It could have been you, or not, I felt a lot of anxiety and I wanted to look my best to make sure, but I’m not sure. You walked away with that guy in the distance. I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and it’s painful to know you’re no longer by my side. It might not even have been you, maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me with a girl who looked like you. But Valeria, I want you to know that I still remember you, I still remember your kisses and your love. Maybe I’ll forget you soon, and it hurts to think about this, but you’ve been gone for two years, and I’m just remembering a person who doesn’t exist. You’re not who you were anymore, the person I miss no longer exists, and the person who exists no longer misses me. Take care, Valeria López, the woman who stole my heart for four long years. I hope you’re happy.
It’s strange, just wanting to run and hug you like before. I feel like if I saw you again, that’s what I would think. But like you told me the last time we saw each other, "Let me go, Juan." Two years ago
It's terrifying to imagine a life without you. It was my fault, you know, it was my fault that we're not together. I still remember your tears and your sad gaze, only asking for me. I don’t know why I reacted that way, I should have never let you go, and when I realized my mistake, you weren’t the same anymore. You completely changed, you became a woman I never thought you’d be, but it was entirely my fault. I don’t know how I’ll forgive myself for that. Even when I walk down the street, I still smell your scent and feel like crying. I just want to wake up and have it be a long dream, and simply wake up by your side and hear you say, “Good morning, my beautiful fiancé.” I just wish for that.

Why am I so broken and why did this game help me survive?

I feel completely guilty for everything that happened, absolutely everything. I hurt the person I loved the most, and at the same time, she hurt me. And that’s okay; life is basically that, right? Learning from mistakes. But because of those mistakes, I don’t have you by my side, when you’re the light of my life. At the same time, I thought I wouldn’t survive, but CSGO gave me a reason to exist. I don’t mean that I became addicted to get better, but that I could spend time without overthinking, without crying, without seeing pictures of her profile with someone else, wanting to die. I could spend hours without thinking about anything other than whether my teammate was going to plant the bomb. SJDJDJDA. This game really was a light when everything was falling apart, and I’m so grateful for that. I still haven’t gotten over my ex-wife, but I’m not as bad as before. I still dream about her.

That’s why, guys, I write so much about this. I really love reading your advice, it doesn’t make me feel alone. I feel like I have to write about every game that has helped me progress, as a way to thank them. Video games, who would have thought, saved my life. I still have a lot to overcome and heal, but I know I’ll make it, sooner or later. But at the same time, just thinking about her with someone else demotivates me. But that’s life, right?

The art of video games for letting go and overcoming.

In this case, CSGO was fundamental in my process—a truly painful one. I remember that in the first few days after finding out she already had a new partner, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep—I just cried. I started playing CSGO, and little by little, there came a moment when the game helped me focus on other things and stop overthinking. It was essential.

That’s why I believe video games can be lifelines in many situations. They're not a permanent solution, because you still have to work on yourself—fight for yourself and because of yourself—but video games are truly a great tool.

I remember how awful I felt when I realized she had a new partner—seeing her pictures and saying to myself, “Despite everything, I still love you. You're beautiful, Val.” Truly the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, and my partner for four long years.

It's painful—an indescribable feeling—to know that what you want most in the world is something you can’t have. I should’ve given you more kisses and hugs, but all of that is in the past now… I have to grow and keep living, just like you did, Valeria.

I realized that I really enjoy writing thanks to this painful heartbreak. I hope one day I’ll be okay. But life is like a rollercoaster—some days I’m fine, and other days I’m terribly broken.

THANK YOU, CSGO, FOR BEING AN ESCAPE FROM REALITY...

HOW TO GET BETTER AT CSGO

Master the basics

Spray patterns and recoil control for weapons
WEBSITE: Learn Spray csgo2[leetify.com] (Thats a great website to learn spray patterns)
Understand game mechanics like hitboxes, and movement.

Aim Training

Practice daily on aimlabs (15 minutes per day its fine)
Aim is obviously important, but in CS:GO, 90% of aiming is about how you use the space around you and how you position your crosshair before taking a fight. Good aim isn't really about pulling off insane 90° flicks and landing headshots—it's about understanding your position and anticipating where your opponent is likely to appear.

Crosshair Placement

Use your crosshair intelligently—position it where enemies are likely to appear and always keep it at head level. This reduces your reaction time and gives you a significant advantage in every fight.
GUIDE FOR CROSSHAIR PLACEMENT[dignitas.gg]

Map Knowledge

Watch pro matches to understand rotations and positioning, hiding spots and learn how to play each bombsite

Utility Usage

Practice throwing smokes, flashes, and molotovs.
And finally, don’t burn yourself out—enjoy the process. Improvement comes little by little, and one day you’ll realize how far you’ve come.
By the time you’re a pro, you’ll know it… because you’ll start speaking Russian automatically, hahaha.

my val...

Thank you, Val, for being the love of my life for four years. I hope that one day I’ll be able to move on from you. You are so incredible, and I truly hope another man takes care of you and loves you the way I couldn’t.

You were really important to me—those countless nights talking and loving each other for years, watching series together, going out and kissing, giving each other gifts and letters… you were even the first person to give me flowers, and I’m the guy.

I’m so scared of forgetting you, just like you forgot me. I hope you're happy for all eternity. And as I write this with tears in my eyes, I just want to say:

Thank you for giving me those long, yet somehow short years.
I love you, and I will miss you so much—
my little cloud, my princess,
the love of my eternal youth.

This is the goodbye I was never able to give you or say out loud.

[Kazehayaaa]

maybe :(

[M3R<URY<3]

you sound like you need a hug