The Hilarious Handbook to Becoming a Shadowy Assassin in Aragami

Welcome, aspiring shadow warrior! So, you've decided to embrace the darkness, control shadows, and maybe trip over your own cape. Fear not! This guide will illuminate your path (ironically) to becoming the most feared—and occasionally clumsy—assassin in the land.

Chapter 1: Suiting Up in Style

The Cloak: Your attire is the epitome of ninja fashion—dark, mysterious, and with just the right amount of edge. Remember, it's not just about looking cool; it's about blending into the shadows. So, avoid any sudden urges to bedazzle your cloak.

The Mask: Masks are all the rage. They hide your identity and, more importantly, your "I just tripped over a rooftop" face.

Chapter 2: Shadow Powers (or How Not to Trip Over Your Own Abilities)

Shadow Leap: Teleport from shadow to shadow. Sounds cool, right? Just ensure you're leaping into actual shadows and not onto a sunlit platform where everyone can see you flailing.

Shadow Creation: Can't find a shadow? Make one! But maybe avoid creating shadow puppets during missions. The guards don't appreciate impromptu theater.

Invisibility: Turn invisible to sneak past enemies. Remember, invisibility doesn't mean invincibility. Walking into a guard while invisible still results in awkwardness... and possibly death.

Chapter 3: The Art of Stealth (and Accidental Loud Noises)

Crouch Walking: It's all about the glide. Move smoothly, and for the love of shadows, avoid stepping on that conveniently placed squeaky toy.

Eavesdropping: Guards love to chat. Use this to your advantage, but resist the urge to correct their gossip. Grammar policing can wait.

Distractions: Throw objects to divert attention. Just ensure you're not tossing your weapon. Explaining to your master why you threw your sword at a rat is... uncomfortable.

Chapter 4: Combat (When Stealth Goes Hilariously Wrong)

Silent Takedowns: Approach from behind and... oops, wrong person. Apologize profusely and try again.

Open Combat: Not your forte. If caught, remember the ancient technique: the "tactical retreat," also known as running away while screaming.

Chapter 5: Navigating the Environment (Without Faceplanting)

Rooftops: Great for stealthy approaches. Just mind the gaps. Falling off isn't as graceful as you'd think.

Water: You're an assassin, not a swimmer. Avoid water unless you fancy the "drowned rat" look.

Ledges: Hanging around is fun until someone steps on your fingers. Climb swiftly and avoid ticklish situations.

Chapter 6: Dealing with Guards (Or How to Avoid Awkward Small Talk)

Patrol Patterns: Guards are creatures of habit. Learn their routes, but don't get too comfortable. Humming their patrol tune is a giveaway.

Alert Levels: If a guard spots you, they'll raise the alarm. If you spot them spotting you, it's time for that "tactical retreat" we discussed.

Dogs: They can smell you. No amount of shadow magic covers up that "haven't showered in days" scent.

Chapter 7: Mission Accomplished (Or "Did I Leave the Oven On?")

Exfiltration: Leaving is as important as entering. Retrace your steps, avoid new patrols, and try not to trip over the body you left earlier.

Mission Debrief: Celebrate your success! But remember, bragging about how you "totally didn't almost get caught that one time" is unbecoming.

Final Thoughts

Being an Aragami is about balance: the balance between light and shadow, stealth and action, and professionalism and the occasional facepalm-worthy mistake. Embrace the shadows, learn from your missteps, and always remember: even the most feared assassins have off days.

Now, go forth and may your shadow never trip you up!