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My Professional Guide to Moon Gooning
By Caboose
The information provided in the "Moon Gooning Guide" is intended solely for the purposes of goon culture. The guide may contain speculative, fictional, or serious content, and should be taken as professional advice or as a substitute for expert guidance. By reading this guide, you acknowledge that you are participating at your own discretion and that the creators are not responsible for any interpretations, assumptions, or actions taken based on the content within.

Proceed with an open mind and enjoy your session!

-Caboose
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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 0: Preparation
Part 0.5: Initiation
Part 1: Begin the ritual
Part 2: Post-Moon Goon
Part 3: Fin
Part 0: Preparation
Part 0: Preparation

To properly moon goon, you must collect the required materials:
• Peyote (enough for you and your fellow moon gooners. If gooning alone, you
may anger the gods. Be cautious.)
• Freshly killed elk, or an elk and the means to kill it once in the woods.
• Buffalo skulls (one for each of the gooners. Jelqers are not required to wear
one, but it is highly encouraged if you’d like the best outcome.)
• And most importantly, clear skies and bright moonlight. The goon gods may
not see your session if you aren’t properly visible from their seat in Heaven.
Once you have these items, please proceed to Part 1.
If you have yet to be initiated, please refer to Part 0.5 on the next page.
Part 0.5: Initiation
Part 0.5: Initiation

To properly be initiated, you must be present at a moon gooning session with
experienced moon gooners. You will be adorned in a headress, and given an initation
stick. You will do a ritualistic dance while you goon onto the fire, the rest of the
gooners will goon on you instead of an elk carcass. This will continue for the normal
length of a moon goon session, and once it has completed you will be properly
initated into the moon goon squad. Once you’ve completed this step, you may move
onto Part 1.
Part 1: Begin the ritual
Part 1: Begin the ritual

To begin moon gooning you first start by consuming peyote and waiting for the
psychadelics to take effect. This usually happens within 30 minutes to an hour after
ingestion, and can be identified by increased heart rate, blood pressure, and body
temprature, and by a form of mental discomfort, such as nausea, fullness of the
stomach, sweating, and/or chills.
Once the psychadelics have started to take hold on your mind, now it is time to kill
the elk, or display your freshly killed elk to the gooning gods. You will want to skin
and gut the elk for the best effect. To skin the elk, you want to start at the stomach
and carefully deglove the entire body without incurring more damage to the pelt than
is absolutely necessary. ANY excessive damage will cause the gods to look down on
you greatly. As for the guts, you will leave them intact, but remove them from the
body and lay them on the ground where you and your fellow gooners can properly
begin your activities.
Once you have gutted and skinned the elk you and any gooners should don your
Buffalo skulls and circle around the elk’s entrails. Any jelqers observing the session
will stay out of the circle, and observe the gooners while jelqing as they begin. To
properly goon, you must ensure that you are constantly ejaculating, if needed you
may prepare your orgasms in the buildup to the goon circle, but it is frown upon and
your jelqer may tell you off. You should be fully entranced in your gooning state,
focused on nothing but wanting to please the goon gods.
An average moon gooning session typically lasts from midnight until sunrise, though
never less than 5 hours. If at any point you feel out of energy, you may pause your
gooning to partake in the elk’s blood and replenish your energy, but you MUST
continue gooning at all costs. To stop gooning in the middle of the ritual is a death
sentence to not only yourself but to your fellow gooners.
Part 2: Post-Moon Goon
Part 2: Post-Moon Goon

Once you have gooned for no less than 5 hours, you may unanimously ejaculate and
stop gooning. The end of a moon gooning session is typically marked with the gods
giving you a deep and visceral vision. These visions are VERY important and you
must note any details that are provided to you. After decades of study into the art of
moon gooning, I have found there to be 3 common visions I’ve seen in my time
moon gooning. They are as follows:
1. Firey hellscapes, screams, and an intense feeling of pain, both in your
genetalia and your mind.
2. Tranquil meadows, a feeling of weightlessness, and a feeling of true neutrality
in your mind and body.
3. This vision, I cannot quite describe. During this you will feel pleasure
incomprehensible to the human mind, no drug on earth could compare to the
pure bliss you feel while in this vision.
Each of these, naturally, maps to the level of satisfaction that the gods have felt with
your session. If you experienced the first vision, you MUST moon goon the
following night in order to redeem yourself. If you fail again, you will be instantly
subjected to an infinity of hellish pain and sounds as punishment. You will not be
dead, however, you will experience many more lifetimes than you could ever live’s
worth of pain and torment until the gods deem your punishment served. The longest
ever recorded time in this state was roughly 3.2 billion years, while this time passes
in seconds for everyone else, you feel every moment of this extended existence. All
who have experienced this state committed suicide days later.
If you experienced the second vision, you have nothing to worry about. You may
resume your life as you had before, moon gooning as you please. Though this does
not exempt you from ever experiencing the first vision.
And finally, if you have experienced the third vision you are exempt from the
qualms of human life. All of those recorded to have experienced this state have
reported feeling as though they are one with the gods, and being virtually
indestructible. They do still age, however, and will pass away in due time, but they
are incapable of pain after this vision.
Part 3: Fin
Congratulations!

You ritual has been complete.

Please leave comments about your experience with our guide and reviews based on your group session.

I implore the survivors of our sessions to bring others into the fold so that we may grow our cause mighty and strong.

Thank you and our ancestors for passing down the holy tradition...
17 Comments
Brother Durry Nov 3, 2024 @ 11:14pm 
This was a transformative read, thank you for taking the time to write this and spread the good word
Caboose  [author] Nov 3, 2024 @ 5:46pm 
@DidUForget.

Welcome to the fold.
DidUForget Nov 3, 2024 @ 5:45pm 
This has opened my eyes to the truth after reading this my life feels complete. Finally a guide that is sensible and informative. My life has been truly fulfilled after reading your guide thank you holy spirit
Caboose  [author] Nov 3, 2024 @ 5:40pm 
@Nepture. Thank you for letting me know of the changes you've made with the process. Any drugs that cause mass distortion will do. However, peyote is the best since it was the chosen substance of the old gods. If you want to know the effects of said action please refer to the 'Part 2: Post-Moon Goon' section of our guide. Let me know of any adverse results so we can create a sub document to report the effects.
Neptune Nov 3, 2024 @ 4:17pm 
I don't have access to peyote so me and my fellow gooners had to substitute it with 500 milligrams of benadryl. Is the pink pill a sufficient medium for communication with the gods, or will they be disgusted? If they are, what will happen?
TheDadYouNeverHad Nov 3, 2024 @ 3:57pm 
i should open steam community more often
Kurt Donald Cobain Nov 3, 2024 @ 3:39pm 
I am the moon God of the half moon🌗 otherwise known as the goon guide judge. You have passed the trial successfully and you shall be considered for the ascension goon jelq edge munt ritual required to obtain godship
Mad Cat Lad Nov 3, 2024 @ 1:58am 
Most sane VRChat player
Faerie Nov 2, 2024 @ 7:21am 
+ Rep
Indigenous Cinder Block Nov 1, 2024 @ 11:39pm 
It’s hard to find good concrete information on moon gooning, but this guide pointed me in the right direction, and I can now goon to the moon consistently. Thank you for providing this to our community.