How 2 be MLG @csgo

How 2 be Mlg you ask, this guild is all you need. Forget learning new skillz and tactics. I’m going to make you look good without you being good. Just follow all these step and you’ll be hail a God by small kids and boyz pretending to be girls.

learn 2 aim and stuff

First things first.
You must be able to hit your target once out of 100 glock shots on a non moving target
If you get over 10 shots then you dont need to play csgo, you should move on to play cod cause your so good

If you are in between 1 - 9 shots, then you are perfect at csgo, even get_right admires you!

Pro tip: Moving and shooting hurts your accuracy, but its not like you need it or anything, right?

Look good before you play good

On the 4th day Gabe created csgo,
And on the 6th he created weapon skins.
The 7th, he gave up on us.

You need weapon skins to impress all them kiddos
The more money you spend on the gun the better youll be.
this is fact


To obtain the cash for these weapons, youll have to steal ur mom's credit card.
I did not tell you this, i do not promote anyone doing any bad things

your Profile

You need a name
XxxMlgquickscoper_420xx is pretty good as a start but youll need to move on
A name should define you.
Example: BOOM HEADSHOT!!!! is a pretty good name of yourself.

Setting up your profile
Make it as appealing as possible, tell your story of how you killed the evil CTs and you may include your csgo fanfics and how you hate ponies
Dont insult other people
Lol make sure it’s as offensive as possible
Make sure it isnt private and open your profile to the world.


This is right


This is wrong

your bp

Weapon skins are csgo's prime ranking system
liek tf2, hats are skills. and without hats you are nothing
same thing applies to Dota2 and csgo



To be better, youll need named weapons
Like all cod experts know, the name is what makes the player
Get_right isnt named get_wrong, simply because he makes the right moves 60% of the time
-take note of that

Name all your guns


You are doing it right


All bp images r of my bp
Take notes, this is how you become bad good like me

understand the map

lakehouse - A house with a huge-ass sewers connection. Lots of camping, as there is almost no space to move anywhere, without getting shot in seconds.
Militia - never a good map
cs_office - A map for edgy teens saying f*k the police on t side, until the team switch where youll see the same kids on ct side, however they will be crying because of your auto
Italy - no pasta = bad map, its like volvo doesnt love us
de_dust - e-Sports loved this one
de_dust2 - when Lord Gaben the All powerful created this map, he created the most overplayed, overrated and soulless map of all time. Picture of the map below


Nuke - A good map, with no nuke killstreak?
Aztec- reenact the fun the spanish had when they destroyed the natives
de_train - Shooting feet under the trains, 24/7 and getting sniped at the worst possible view angle. Probably the most unforgiving map ever made.
de_inferno - bells, chickens and 1 dog.
de_vertigo - the best map, no questions asked

the smrufs

ur ded kiddo

How to deal with smurfs?
pro tip: you cant

Weapons

Heres what youll be needing to pew pew at other people

Handguns
The little thing that you start off with since you already lost your dignity
Nothing else is worth noting besides the Deagle, which is a mini-awp that requires 1337 ski11z

Shotguns
Not worth noting

Sub-Machine Guns
Not worth noting

Assault Rifles
AK-47 - The only rifle any Terrorist ever uses.
M4A1 or the loud M4A4 - The only rifle any Counter-fun people use.


Machine Guns
Negev- Think of Rambo while listening to Giga Pudding Puddi Puddi Song

Grenades and other stuff
Defuse Kit- No kit no life
Knife - The best thing to kill other things with. You'll need this to be MLG
Kevlar- You dont need this
High Explosive Grenade - a rock
Smoke Grenade - Throw it in front of teammates
Flash McBang - See Smoke Grenade

Sniper Rifles
Autosnipers = kids yelling
See next line for the only weapon worth using

The AWP

"Please stop using that weapon, its so f*ckin' overpowered, stop please. (5 Seconds later) F*CKKKKKKK" - everyone but you


The AWP is the worse best weapon in a game. Killing people with an AWP is like crushing hopes and dreams, and you would like that, would you?. Getting headshot with said AWP, will create a MLG montages and youll be famous. If someone kills you while holding this weapon they are using hack, no questions asked.


Youll need 2 mlg

The mlg touch

Thanks to Senpai Kush who enlighted me

finally its done

Last and the least, youll need to trash talk, but since i have no social life since i live in best Korea, I cant help you. However your Mlg if you read this whole thing.
Now go off and prove what you have learned

And Im a ♥♥♥
im also an attention ♥♥♥♥♥, pls rate



GLHF

[Mariya Takeuchi]

I got global with skin!!!!!!!

[𝑭𝑳𝑼𝑶𝑹𝑰𝑫𝑬]

this guide has made me go into severe debt and now i have to move int oa mobile home, but im Global Elite now so yeah im a god next tier be COD

[nerfexus]

i give 11/9 thx now i'm such mlg to my life

[Poisonplague]

tx, iam global now

[Altonian]

10/10 would read again "XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD made be a better player in 420 days"

[Squirrel]

OMG IM GLOBAL SILVER NOW

[derive]

I ranked up from silver 3 to dmg using this guide

[JaxD]

best guide 2015

[76561198075137353]

very helpful

[Mєxα ♥ Prima]

gr8 turtorial m8 i r8 8/8 ez money ez skins ez global ez life ez bitches