How not to be F2P

Learn how not to be F2P or pretend to be not F2P with this guide!

Who are we? Why are we doing this?

Did you read the question?
Hello, I am The Robotic Richard Simmons. Beep. Boop. 10001011010101. INTERNAL ERROR, INTERNAL ERROR, HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED. . Anyways, I have played TF2 for quite a long time, 6, 7 years since I joined the mercenaries. My friend The 'Murican fanatic here has played since the F2P update, but became Premium. Honestly, I hate F2P's not cause they're F2P's but mainly cause they don't listen or show off about the wrong things.
Recently, I have been seeing F2P's being teased not a lot, but enough for me to make this guide.

For all those F2P's and poor Premium's, this guide may try and help you to become not F2P and a rich Premium, without spending $200 on taunts and stuff. (you can spend 10 cents to get premium, you'll learn later)

The History of TF2

We know this is irrelevant, but to sound like a Premium you need to know about TF2's lore and actual history.
1996: Team Fortress is born. Yes, the FIRST ONE.
1999: Team Fortress CLASSIC is made. Robin Walker, now an employee at Valve, designed the game.
2000: TF2: Brotherhood of Arms is designed, but never made, turned into just TF2.
October 2007: Team Fortress 2 is made.
Three months after Oct. 2007: :(SuperPortal): joins the TF2 Merc army and gets his grizzled veteran badge around 2009.
2008 - 2012: Throughout these years, Meet the Team is being made/released, various item sets released in 2008 and, brings achievements.
2009: First Annual Halloween is made, HHH is created, so is the unusual headtaker.
2010: More halloween, Polycount Update, adds trading, mann co store etc.
2011: Uber Update, Brings F2P's into the system.
2012: Stuff happened, including Halloween.
2013: More stuff.
2014: Halloween, more updates etc.
For more information on tf2 history and other tf2 components visit the Team Fortress 2 wiki at
http://wiki.teamfortress.com/wiki/Main_Page

An introduction to the "F2P"

The (made up) definition, by 'Murican fanatic of an "F2P" is a person who has not upgraded their account into a "Premium". In order to do this you need to purchase anything from the Mann Co. Store.

This is what a "F2P" looks like.










This is what a "Premium" looks like.

Common mistakes F2P's make

The most common one which F2P's get teased for is...
THE GHASTLY GIBUS!
Since it is near Halloween (August 31st when this guide is being written) I thought I'd tell you how to get a Gibus.
You dominate a person who is wearing a Gibus to take the Gibus.

Don't wear the Gibus. It'll probably get you teased and it doesn't do any good. I got rid of mine a long time ago.
Achievement hats will probably count toward not wearing. Come on, they're achievement hats! Anyone can get them!
Although, some Premium's actually wear the Gibus in order to trick other people.

Also, don't rename a unique weapon. Unique items have yellow text.
Rename something that is really good and means a lot to you. Like a very good Strange, or an unusual or something. Just not a unique or a Gibus.
For more information on item qualities visit this page: http://wiki.teamfortress.com/wiki/Item_Quality

Also on non-Valve servers with custom maps and mods, there are two rules which I see a lot of people breaking. This ruins my game and wastes my time trying to kill them.

• Don't kill any unarmed people. People who are doing things such as harmless taunting or CONGAAAAAA! should not be killed. If you kill them they will most likely kill you. Instead just join in the fun. Kills aren't everything in TF2. Most likely people who are taunting endlessly are friendly and will not hurt you and just want peace.
  An example:
  For a few weeks or so I went around high fiving people in a server which shall not be named. Around 60-70% of people did not high five and instead killed me. I took note of that because more than half of the people who killed me were wearing F2P hats (Achievement hats)

• Not every weapon is a direct upgrade from the previous weapon. I see a whole lot of F2P's finding a weapon and thinking it has the powers of God. Take your time, read the stats, evaulate which weapon is better. That way you will find the best loadout for you thus improving your experience.

How to pretend to be a Premium

Sometimes when a F2P gets teased they will try and pretend to a Premium.
This poor F2P has improved his advance to become (pretend) a Premium.

If you don't have any renamed items or hats/misc's, you can ask a friend to give you an a item.

How to become a Premium

Most of the Premium's and some F2P's know that you have limited capabilities to TF2 as an F2P. You can't craft good stuff and I'm pretty sure you can't find hats. Also you cannot trade as an F2P.

If you want these perks and more, become a premium.
You can become a premium either by:

• Asking someone for an 'Upgrade to Premium Gift'. Don't try to do this though. No one will actually give you one unless it's your friend and instead call you a hobo and stuff like that.

• The second way is to buy something from the Mann Co. Store.
  History:
  The Mann. Co Store started off in 2010 before the update where F2Ps came in.
  The update introduced many of the features you see before you such as vintages, trading etc.
  
  Back to the Mann Co. Store.
  The cheapest thing you can buy from the Mann Co. Store is a giftapult for $0.10. Unfortunately you can only add a minimum of $5 to your steam wallet. At least it's really cheap.

How to become a rich Premium

This is how the TF2 community works, if you have a lot of high value items, you are well respected.

Here is a list on some high value items

• Unusual's. Every F2P (who know about these beauties) dream to have one in their inventory. Even some Premium's do. Unusual's are EXETREMLY valuable, My unusual is worth $44.82 in real life, now THAT is an achievement.
  

• Strange's. These aren't really desired but are still quite valuable none the less. Strange's are just like normal weapons and are more valuable but count how many kills you get with that weapon, pretty cool huh? Most Strange's are worth about $0.05 to about $0.25.
  

• Some stranges can be worth a lot of money, like $50+ (1 bud), for example strange festives and australiums, also rare crates such as #30, #40, #50 and #70 can have rare stranges that can be worth a bud.
  
  Some stranges I have in my inventory. Some are crappy, some are epic.
  
  For more information on prices and how to know them, use this website. Beware it's very outdated and maybe people will kill you for that, but some trade servers use them. http://backpack.tf/

If you're finding it hard to become rich because the things you're selling aren't being asked for, use this site. It's got tons of people who want stuff. (backpack.tf also has traders) http://www.tf2outpost.com/

Common weapons used by F2P's

Some common weapons are:

• The Force-A-Nature

• Gaben's Half-Life 3 Confirmed Gun

• W+M1 any flamethrower

• And any other OP guns that relate to getting noob kills and not skill kills.

Know the difference from an F2P and a Premium

Lets start off with identifying a F2P:

• Little to no hats
  
• Little to no stranges
  
• Typically a bad TF2 player (some F2P's are good)
  
• Doesn't know how to talk (some F2P's do)
  
• Uses unique or default weapons
  
• Sometimes uses the wrong class for the wrong purpose, for example, using a scout for stealth instead of spy
  
• Uses random weapons that don't go well together
  
• Impossible to obtain the Mann.Co Hat without purchase
  
• Tends to be more aggresive when playing (edit: Merasmus brings out the chance for F2P's to be ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.)
  
• All weapons found are untradable
  
• Typically wears the Gibus
  
• 50 inventory slots
  
• Can trade but not sell stuff
  
• Restricted to only finding "common" weapons

Now on how to identify a Premium:

• More than 1 non-achivement hat
  
• More than 1 Strange
  
• Mostly good at TF2 (The Entire Soviet Union sucks at aiming in TF2 :P)
  
• Uses microphones, start up a conversation, sends out trade requests etc
  
• Uses strange weapons and most use the Unusual Horseless Headless Headmann's Headtaker
  
• Uses classes correctly, for example, using a scout to speed capture control points before the enemy has time to react
  
• Uses well matching items that suit perfectly like using the Demoknight set
  
• Has the Mann.Co Hat in their inventory
  
• Tends to be more friendly, for example, Sandvich Heavies will give their sandvich to the enemy
  
• All weapons found are tradable
  
• Doesn't wear the Gibus (unless they're preteding to be an F2P)
  
• 300 inventory slots
  
• Full trading capabilities
  
• Can find more rarer cosmetics
  
• MLG Pro epic item such as an unusual or australium etc.

And that is a pretty big checklist on how to identify a F2P from a Premium.

What weapons to use and what not to use

What to use:

• Use good weapons and not the OP ones (don't use phlogistinator, force a nature etc.). Some weapons you could use are weapons that are not OP but are not stock weapons.
  This is an idea of a weapon you might use. It's added ball usage (no pen15 jokes plz) makes this the perfect weapon for ambushing.

Conclusion

After 9 years in development, hopefully it will have been worth the weight. Gabe Newell's quote.
I hope you guys enjoyed this guide (redundant?) and probably not been f2p with this.
If there is anything you guys missed please say it in the comments section below and hopefully I or Fanatic will make changes. :D

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HAHHAHAHA YOU JUST BEEN TAUNTKILLED :3333

Note to self: Make Half-Life 3 Closed Beta 1.31 open

[fggfhfgdhjgdsf]

unusual. 44$. timeless

[Some Weird Lookin' Civil Worker]

Well, I bought a force o nature so, apparently i'm a F2P (shrug)

[wiltoneer]

i mean i crafted ito something else

[wiltoneer]

wow im a p2p but i dont have the mann co hat as i crafted it in halloween

[One sad man]

the short version on how not to be F2P: buy a hat and voila! (i don't know if i spelt that correctly) you are not a f2p

[arbabf]

#60 is not a rare crate
i dont know how stranges in #30,40,50 and 70 can be worth a bud
ty

[arbabf]

@den

^ HOW!?!?

[arbabf]

@Vallinek

This was designed to be both a joke and serious guide, plus we didn't really put our time into this after a few days, so if you want to add some stuff feel free to write in comments :D

[Vallinek]

Upvote for being an okay guide and saying that FAN is OP.