how to git gud

Tired of being ♥♥♥♥ at CS:GO? Jealous of that one guy in every Comp game that topfrags while you continue to get 3 kills and 24 deaths? Follow this simple guide and you will see improvements immediately!


P.S.: This is satire you ♥♥♥♥, don't read it and expect you to magically play like NiP in game

So, you want to get good at this game, eh?

We'll teach you how to!

First off, you need to know how to shoot that one gun thing that you always spawn with. Press the left mouse key to do so. THEN BULLETS COME OUT ZOMG ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ KATIE LOOK AT THIS!
2nd, you need to know what your gun is good for. Pistols are just secondary guns and will never compare with the 1337-ness of the AWP (the god tier gun). Automatic rifles are for casual noobs, SMGs are for poor people, shotguns are for poor-er people, machine guns are for ♥♥♥♥, so what do you use?
Snipers.
No matter how ♥♥♥♥♥♥ you are, when you hold an AWP or an SSG 08, it's scientifically proven that your skills increase by about 50 percent. With snipers you can also aim down using a scope, just like in those Call of Duty games! You press the right mouse button to use the scope, click it again and ZOMG IT GOES FURTHER IN OMG U NEED TO SEE THIS KELLY!

What are weapon skins?

some gay microtransaction ♥♥♥♥ valve added to get more jew money
Weapon skins are things that make your gun look different. There are many kinds of weapon skins, like those ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ones that sell for 4 cents that you always get from drops on Dust II, and the best ones that you get from opening a case that almost no one gets ever!
It's a fact [[i]citation needed[/i]] that gun skins are needed to make yourself a professional at CS:GO. People with a stock AWP were shown to perform 76 percent worse than people with a factory new AWP Asiimov.
The more expensive the gun skin, the better it is. For example, a M4A4 Tornado is utter trash compared to a Howl! If you use skins like Tornado or that one Sand Dune one that, like, every ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ gun has, people will laugh at you and call you a poor idiot!

What map is the be-

Dust II if you're 1337, anything else is for LOOOOOOOOSERS

I don't actually think this is a comphrehensive guid-

SHUT UP YOU ASS THIS IS THE BEST GUIDE EVER YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHIN

So what do I do now?

Join a competitive game and play, you glorious bastard! You'll get out of Silver I in no time if you follow this guide!

[nothing_here]

best guit ever m8 i luv u

[P. Snake]

i r8 this b8 8/8 m8 it was gr8

[Sasington ✰]

Thank you so much! Im ready to go pwn some n00bz with mah 1337 sk33lz