How to complete the TF2 Offline Training Course

My name is Cleveland Brown and I am proud to be
right back in my hometown with my new family.
There's old friends and new friends and even a bear.
Through good times and bad times it's true love we share.
And so I found a place
Where everyone will know
My happy mustache face
This is The Cleveland Show! Haha!

Starting Training

When you open Team Fortress 2, close it and go outside for an hour, then come back when you're really ready to begin training. When you re-open Team Fortress 2, wait for it to load into the main menu, then select the button saying "FIND A GAME" in the top-right.
You will see 6 categories, but since you're too poor to play MvM and too smart to play competitive matchmaking, there are only 4 - Casual, Community Servers, Training and Create Server.
Today we will be going into the Training section. Select the category, then you will be prompted with two options - Basic Training or Offline Practice.
Select Basic Training and you will be brought to another screen with 4 classes to train on. Select Soldier then press Start Training to begin.

Soldier Training

Once you start, you will be brought to a very bland, small and unfinished map that was made in less than an hour by Valve employees on weekend hours. You may notice you have weapons other than a rocket launcher, but they're simply an illusion. Nothing is real. You will be restricted to the Rocket Launcher for the duration of the training course. Instructions are provided along the way. You may proceed with training.

In case you ignored the instructions or monkey brain cannot interpret them:
PRESS 1 = ROCKET GUN
PRESS 2 = MANY BULLET
PRESS 3 = SPADE
PRESS W A S D SPACE = MOVE
Thank you for your cooperation.

Demoman Training

just spam stickies

Spy Training

There is an idea of a Spy, some kind of Frenchman, but there is no real one, only an entity, something illusory, and though it can hide its cold gaze and you can shake its hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense its lifestyle and yours are probably comparable: it simply is not there. It is hard for it to make sense on any given level. Spy is fabricated, an aberration. Spy is a noncontingent human being. Its personality is sketchy and unformed, its heartlessness goes deep and is persistent. Its conscience, its pity, its hopes disappeared a long time ago (probably in France) if they ever did exist. There are no more barriers for it to cross. All it has in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem it have caused and its utter indifference toward it, it has now surpassed. It still, though, holds on to one single bleak truth: no one is safe, nothing is redeemed. Yet it is blameless. Each model of human behavior must be assumed to have some validity. Is evil something you are? Or is it something you do? Its pain is constant and sharp and it does not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, it wants its pain to be inflicted on others. It wants no one to escape. But even after admitting this—and it has countless times, in just about every act it's committed—and coming face-to-face with these truths, there is no catharsis. It gains no deeper knowledge about itself, no new understanding can be extracted from its telling. There has been no reason for it to tell you any of this. This confession has meant nothing.

Engineer Training

The Engineer is a defensive powerhouse of a class that can cause stalemates and turn the tide of any match. The training course will teach you on how to most effectively use this class and all its weapons, along with all of its sidegrades.

Just kidding, TF2's training sucks.

[Waffentrager]

could you please release cpl adrian shephard from the custody?

[Weeks]

i shat myself