What is the Ham Mafia?

You're most likely here because you've seen someone with |Ham Mafia| in their name. Seems rather harmless at first glance.

The Ham Mafia is a group with an infamous history that not many know about, or even are bothered enough to research. Yes there are many illusions, or rumors, or broad spectrums as to what the group is. Most of it is a façade, and something a lot more sinister is part of this organization. If you want to know what the Ham Mafia is, or god forbid - even join the Organization yourself, do keep on reading.

Introduction

From what I can gather about the Ham Mafia, on the surface they are a group originally based in the hit game Team Fortress 2. They were founded on September 30th, 2018, and grew a loyal following of ham shank users immediately. Those who join are provided a complementary ham shank in exchange for their loyalty. They have developed their own unique culture with traditions, customs, and values. These values seem to fluctuate, but broadly remain the same below:

They are primarily based upon one item which is the ham shank. The Ham Shank is a TF2 Multi-Class Stock Melee Reskin, similar to the frying pan or the conscientious objector. It is a ham that jiggles on a bone.

They have grown a large disdain for other melee items. One of the main ideals of their organization is that the Ham Shank is superior to all. The creation of the Ham Mafia has led directly to the creation of rival Melee Groups and Factions to counter the Ham Mafia, along with attracting various other forms of controversy.

Purpose

The Ham Mafia's purpose historically fluctuates a lot, almost as if it has a mind of its own. Their values can land anywhere from kindness to world domination. Some even contradictory such as their motto, "Nothing personal, just personal business." But other than the ham, there seems to be two primary objectives of the Ham Mafia that never changes.

Gain Power and Inflict Psychological Damage


They have been often referred to as the SIGMAS of TF2, whether this is ironic or unironic - I have no idea. You will have to determine that yourself.

This is their "Hamtillionaire Grindset" routine I managed to find:

Average Ham Mafia SIGMA Male Hamtillionaire Grindset
2:00 am - wake up, take a sh*t, recruit 50 members
3:00 am - get out of bed
3:00am-6:00am - workout, bench 315 for reps
6:15am - breakfast: prosciutto ham, 50mg of Adderall, 10 grams of caffeine, 12 eggs
6:30am-7:30am - practice Italian on duo lingo (hardest difficulty)
7:30am-8:30am - troll pan handler spies in #soldier-initiation
8:30am-12pm - put pan handlers on suicide watch
12pm-2pm - prank call the suicide hotline
2pm-2:30pm - lunch: pan-handler souls, gabagool sandwich, begin steroid cycle
2:45pm-5:30pm - workout, bench 315 for reps
5:30pm-5:45pm - have sex with multiple women at once
5:45pm-6:00pm - gamble away social security check
6:00pm - dinner: duck eggs, chicken, brown rice, broccoli, and cannoli
7:00pm - mail pipebomb to Pan of Doom's mailbox
7:05pm-8:30pm - smoke a fat cuban, recruit 50 members
8:30pm-9:00pm - bathe in neighbor's pool
9:00pm - reply "coping or seething" to King Iron's youtube comment section
9:30pm - enlist in war
9:45pm-10pm - go ham shank shopping, crash the tf2 economy
10:00pm-12:00pm - 1000 pushups, 1000 pullups, 1000 shoulder shrugs with two 45 pound plates stored in pockets
12:00pm-1:00am - climb Mount Everest (a little late night cardio)
1:00am-1:30am - extort local mayor, file no taxes
1:30am - overdose on creatine and ketamine
1:40am-1:58am - coma
1:59am - wake up in ER, tip the doctor, recruit hospital staff to Ham Mafia, go back to bed

The Hamberg / Ham Mafia Lore

Ontop of this routine, there is some additional Ham Mafia lore. I have retrieved an Iceberg Chart found in the Ham Mafia posted by a random associate. To name a few Ham Mafia Lore canonical statements:
1. The Ham Shank is made of pan handler flesh, and the bone is the Bat Out of Hell
2. The Ham Cooks Pan
3. The Golden Ham exists but is so rare, nobody has found it yet.
4. The Frying Pan contains patches of grease and rust
5. The Ham Mafia Bosses Know All



This is too much for me to breakdown in a single guide, I have no damn idea how much of this sh*t is true, or what most of it is. But that's not what's important, allow me to further break the Ham Mafia down in a way a normal person could understand.

The Mafia Aspect

When it comes down to the Mafia aspect, there are too many levels of irony to analyze. The Ham Mafia seems to have a unique division and crossover of a genuine Mafia aspect and a welcoming community to it. It is ran like an actual Mafia, including utilizing the structure of the Cosa Nostra into its ranking system. The information at the top is high level, and to be promoted to high levels requires absurd quantities of loyalty and merit. They even require an Oath to take to be an official member, and an Oath to be instated as a Caporegime and Boss.













Some people believe it is larping the Ham Mafia practices, but at times can truly be indistinguishable. Any normal larping group would not go to the extensions they do to break the barrier of unironic Mafia larping, and ironic Mafia larping. We cannot tell if it is a sh*tpost, if they're serious, or they're so serious about it that it makes it funny. There are even rumors of actual crimes and traces of power the Ham Mafia has in various communities. This goes into the Infamy.

The Infamy

There is little evidence to prove these allegations, either it has been covered up by the Ham Mafia or they are just allegations. They could also just been rumors perpetuated by the Ham Mafia to boost their infamy at this point.

THE ALLEGATIONS:
Server Nuking Rival Groups
Account wiping
Doxing
Stalking
Spreading Misinformation Online
Market Manipulation
Bot Creation
Prank Calling the Suicide Hotline
Gaslighting Rival Group Leaders

All the witnesses to these allegations have chosen to remain anonymous, or are no longer contactable shortly after publication. Details remain disclosed and the trail has gone cold.

Rival Groups / Enemies

Enemies of the Ham Mafia in terms of public record are: The Pan Militia, The Pan Clan, The Pan Mafia, The Fish Gang, The Fish Armed Forces, Sign Squad, The Potato Mafia, The Iron Demoknights and itself.

The Pan Militia - The main ex-rival of the Ham Mafia. Founded months after the formation of the Ham Mafia as a direct response to represent the frying pan. Group was also infamous for having extremely far right and racist memes posted in its Discord. They managed to take on the Ham Mafia on a race to 1000, but ultimately lost near the end. Coincidentally, the Discord was wiped and taken down by TOS (rumored to be the Ham Mafia).

The Pan Clan - Not an official group, but more of a loose category for what the Ham Mafia calls "pan handlers" (a play on words for homeless men and frying pan users). Any known associates with the Pan Clan tag have historically been wiped out by the Ham Mafia.

The Pan Mafia - There are no records of the Pan Mafia, but there are countless reports of people insisting that it exists. Either was squashed by Ham Mafia, or really does not exist.



The Fish Gang - A loose category for holy mackerel users, often encountered by Ham Mafia users. There have been no records of Fish Gang members winning in in-game combat with Ham Mafia members.

The Fish Armed Forces - A splinter federation of Fish Gang users formed to take on both the Ham Mafia and the Pan Militia. Died after reaching 50 members due to Civil War (rumored to have been sabotaged by the Ham Mafia by bribing a rebellion force).

Sign Squad - Small group formed by disloyal ex-Ham Mafia Capos and Bosses, backed by the leader of the Pan Militia. The leader of the Sign Squad was allegedly doxxed, and visited by Ham Mafia Bosses in person. Shortly after the group died with no other word heard from again.


The Potato Mafia - Ham Mafia splinter wannabe group that formed under the backing of the Iron Demoknights, and the remnants of the Pan Militia. While laughed at by both the Iron Demoknights and the Pan Militia, tries to take on the Ham Mafia in its own territory but remains outresourced in comparison. Allegedly its creation was prompted due to the Potato Mafia having its server nuked by a Ham Mafia associate "Aces"

o.W.n. - According to another steam user, "Our World Now. A bunch of edgy tryhards that formed a group based on a SFM movie/series about a black team overthrowing RED and BLU because muh anarchy." There is an alleged connection to the owner Empress Hellfire to the Donfather, not much else is known. Whatever it was, the Ham Mafia has outshined o.W.n. by far.







The Iron Demoknights - A demoknight group that has ties to the leader of the Pan Militia long before the creation of either groups. Often referred to by the TF2 community as "medieval larpers who have no lives", and to the Ham Mafia as "The Iron Demoshites". There are rumors the Ham Mafia has the ip address of every single active Iron Demoknight member.

Itself (The Ham Mafia) - Like all Mafias, the Ham Mafia from what I've seen has went through multiple phases of rebellions, civil wars, and mob wars. The Ham Mafia has many enemies, a lot of which are old Caporegimes/Bosses that were disloyal to the Organization and its ideals. Some have escaped the Ham Mafia, others have had their life drastically shattered according to them.

The Bosses, Enforcers, High-Ranking Members

The Ham Mafia Bosses consist of a few high valued individuals, and contacts they rely on. From what I've gathered, this an accumulation of rumored codenames, identities, profiles, and users associated with the Ham Mafia. These may not even be all of them.

BOSSES
The Donfather - Boss of the family, started the organization - wears a 45th President mask and a Charcoal 2 piece suit with shades and a hat. Not much else is known about him, other than he lives in Washington (could be DC or State).

Hamford Pauliotardo/Ham Cabone - The online enterprise manager and primary Underboss enforcement. 2nd in command, rumored to be extremely homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, and hates everything with a burning passion. Is known as the Ham Mafia's "Human Resources Department", often compared to the Bermuda Triangle. He allegedly once started a Rebellion just by refusing to use somebody's preferred pronouns.

Emperorbob - Infamous Consigiliere (Advisor) to the Ham Mafia. has over 8000 hours in Team Fortress 2 and mains engineer. Allegedly has deep connections to the TF2 hacking community, and has developed a reputation from destroying other communities from the inside out using social engineering.


Fist Full O' Spam - The Ham Mafia's primary instigator and sh*t-stirrer. Has started multiple wars and conflicts with Rival Factions and Group Leaders just through trolling and baiting. Nicknamed "The Heat Sponge", leads a group of loyal soldiers called "The Cleanup Crew." Only joy in life is laughing at other's expenses.

Right Ham Man - The Manager of Ham Circulation (the Ham Mafia's complementary ham shanks). Does not talk much, silent but infamous. Allegedly stores ip addresses, massive quantities of gore, and other legally questionable activities. Has a database for alternative accounts used gmails, discord, and YouTube.


Chessplayer - Statistics and Bookmaker of the Ham Mafia, considered to be a Jack of All Trades. Good with numbers, runs all the data analysis of the Ham Mafia - both inner and abroad. Has analyzed the data of not just the Ham Mafia, but also rival groups.


Hamslinger - He's new, I don't know much about him.

ENFORCERS

The Commission - Not a person, but a broad spectrum of contacts from either Hamford or the Don. Could be individuals, or just the same person under multiple aliases. The names under The Commission are notorious for manipulating rival organizations and users for doing favors or sabotaging themselves for the Ham Mafia. Methods have ranged from bribery, subtle manipulation, threats, and impersonation.

Vito - Has had multiple names. Could be Vito Prosciutto, Vito Hamante,or just "VITO". Is an Icon of the Hamily Business, rumored to weigh over 300 pounds at 6'5. Is considered the primary Muscle of the Ham Mafia. He is considered the boogeyman of the Mafia.

The Magician - Supposedly named the Magician for making people disappear. Their name in the Mafia is often referred to as Carmine, but could also just be an alias. There is a saying in the Ham Mafia about him, "Now you see him, now you're on the list". A lot of the people who have been DMed directly by The Magician have actually had their accounts deleted, or ceased any public online communications weeks after that encounter. Could be a coincidence.

The Prosciutto Brothers - Actual brothers in real life, both lift weights and are amateur bodybuilders. Are known for playing the TF2 Class "HEAVY" together with their iconic loadouts. Primarily sh*tposters, and interchangeably go by the names "Professional Autist" and "Professional R*tard"

Aces - I'm not sure who Aces is, all I know is when a server gets nuked, usually the only words that come out of the Ham Mafia prior is "Aces, pull the plug."

The Confather -

Recruitment / How To Join

As mentioned prior, its structure follows the Cosa Nostra structure. It looks something like this, with extra steps.

Any and all people who join the Ham Mafia steam group, or join the Discord are considered Associates until they qualify and take the "Oath of Prosciutto." Soldiers are referred to as "Ham-Made Men" or wise guys after they take the Oath. After that they choose a regime to join, sort of like a sub division, led by a Caporegime. One of the requirements of being a soldier is the |Ham Mafia| tag - they consider it to be a badge of testosterone and fear.

You also need a ham shank to become an official member, which you can obtain from their Ham circulation.
https://steamcommunity.com/groups/ham_mafia/discussions/3/2479690531130900100/

They have multiple methods to rack in members, the most common appears to be Ham Raids - where they raid a community, casual, or public server (usually Team Fortress 2) in order to spread the word of the Ham Mafia. These are usually led by Caporegime or high-ranking Ham Mafia members.



Climbing the ranks up the Ham Mafia becomes exponentially more difficult after reaching soldier, as all promotions appear to be based on a meritocracy. Caporegimes are selected under very extreme circumstances, such as a position opening or a rebellion. Additionally, they "open the books" for Caporegime on average once every 6-12 months.

If you have the balls to get involved with the Ham Mafia, these are the gateways to the Organization:
https://steamcommunity.com/groups/ham_mafia
https://discord.gg/nAVSQncgbc
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxOy-_HoWUkpiXGmUG4rNqA

Yes, they even have a youtube channel. Their content remains relatively Team Fortress 2 and community-based, who knows if that will ever change (or if it's a front).

Conclusion

Despite me having this exclusive information, the Ham Mafia remains a mysterious organization. Nobody really would know the answers besides their Bosses, which canonically know everything worth knowing.

What you choose to do with this information I have provided is up to your discretion. Whether they are good, bad, evil, neutral, chaotic, professional, ironic, unironic, or just a tremendous sh*tpost is not up to me.

Whatever they are, I would only advise treading lightly. Take care, and I appreciate your time reading.