Plant Sentience

Where guides go to die.


Lunch Lady Laquita: "Here's your steak, and side of carrots."

Vegan: "Oh, keep the steak. I only eat things that aren't sentient." *poses like a hero*

Lunch Lady Laquita: *sigh* "Look, kid; plants may not have the same ways of sensing things as we do, but that doesn't mean they're mindless drones whose sole purpose is to be consumed and exploited by fauna."

Vegan: "We don't know if plants really are sentient, so, like the vegan I am, I will conserve the ideas that plants aren't sentient, and disregard anything regarding this field of research, no matter how convincing."

Lunch Lady Laquita: "Well, , are you disregarding the information solely so your choice in life doesn't kill yourself? Or, are you just oblivious of what we've done to over one-fourth of the plant species? Or, maybe, you're a speciesist bastard that only cares about one type of lifeform!"

Vegan: "... Well, I'm still right."

Lunch Lady Laquita: "Kid, get out of my lunchroom before you're on the menu."

Vegan: (muttering, walking away) "Heh. Like plants are sentient..."

Lunch Lady Laquita: "Kid, wait!" *Vegan Sibling stops* "'You ain't movin' fast enough; I said for you to get the hell outta here!'"

Fin

Defining "Sentience" for the Purpose of the Peculiar Presentation

Now that that guy's out, let's first define what sentience is.

Sentience is the ability to utilize the senses. This should not be confused with the ability to reason (although it may be that plants can reason too, it's too much to expect people to agree with, and this piece of "writing" pretty much falls within those bounds of intelligence anyway).


What? Were you expecting it to be longer? For now, just look at this supplementary gallery:



What? Were you expecting there to be a big gallery?

The Studies, Books, and General Information

Here, we will analyze the various studies, manuscripts, and experiments regarding plants and how they are sentient, and, from some tests, how they are intelligent and are pretty much better than fauna at everything except moving out of the ground.

How Plants Respond to Pain

First thing's first: It's understandable to be a vegetarian or vegan if you're one that doesn't like the taste of meat (and dairy, for them vegans out there). Now don't go hounding me about that.

This video may make you rethink already (it explains part of their reaction):

Well, although burning a plant or cutting pieces of one isn't too kind, it's worth it to convince those conservative-minded people.

Here's somefin' else fer ya!


Many argue that plants cannot feel pain, for "they require a brain and nerves for pain to be perceived." Well, it may not be in the exact same way as we do, but we know for a fact that they indeed respond with electricity, and can be drugged to not! If they could not feel such a thing, then why were the leaves adapted to curl on touch?
Well, the plant doesn't want to be exploited or desecrated by the vile fauna of the Earth, and, especially, us, the most vile of all creatures to our surroundings: humans.

Anomaly: The first test on a plant (the one with the drugs) probably could have been observed so that electric currents could be recorded; this would've shed more light on this topic, but they didn't do that.


Note: The video was filmed by the Smithsonian crew.

The Screams of Plants

Ever thought plants were mute? Well, not again shall you think that!

Here's a video that is pretty much the antonym of humane:

The plants are hooked up via some crazy machinery that I have no clue of. Now, since the plants are practically being tortured, they're emitting "sound" to show pain (you could call it screaming). Well, if you try to torture a plant (which I don't recommend you do), you won't hear any sound. Rather, you'll probably smell something....something plant-y......
That's the smell of plants' blood (I can't be sure about the specific tests done on this, so I can't blame you for disagreeing with this). Remember that next time you're out mowing the lawn and breathing in the scent of a freshly trimmed yard.

Please note what our blood is for, and compare that to what I'm preaching as plant blood.

A Life of Their Own

Plants may not be anything like animals, such as ourselves, but that doesn't mean sentience (and possibly even intelligence, as in reasoning and making independent decisions) are out the window. Sadly, many throw it out and shut that very window, and lock it.

Plants have the ability to respond to stimuli. They attempt to protect themselves with toxins, among other defenses. They "bleed," if you'd like to call it that. They reproduce, and in pretty much the same way as we (plants are hermaphroditic). Hell, they even communicate with each other for the benefit of other plants. We'll get to that one in just a second.

The "Wood Wide Web"

Check this out:

Sure, this one was a bit boring, but the ending pretty much ties it together. Now, from what miscellaneous sources I've observed, many more kinds of plants intertwine with each others' roots to exchange desired nutrients. What one rooted being doesn't want, the other gets, and verse vica.

"But Punchy... Why would they do this if they don't think?" - stereotypical vegan, a.k.a. most vegans

Well, I'm glad a character from my writing asked. Y'see; plants will form bonds with one another like allies and countries (only these guys don't spy on each other!).

Now are you convinced?

Note: This could be considered symbiosis.

Comparing Flora and Fauna

Ah, so you've made it this far. Well, first you'll need to answer the question I have for you!

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Before you ask, it's a European swallow.

Now with my Python quota met, it's time to get down to business...

General similarities of plants and animals:
• Both try to stay away from danger (plants will ward off predators with defenses like poison or hard-to-digest surfaces).
  
• Both try to repopulate, whether it be from eggs, seeds, or meat sacks(chickens are plants?!).
  
• Both are susceptible to drugs (only we abuse them, both drugs and living beings).
  
• Both can experience stimuli (drugs could've gone here), be it pain or gain.
  
• Both associate with other variations of their kind, flora and fauna (this could be considered symbiosis as well, depending on the interaction).

Think of other ways.

These just name a few. I could go into detail of their anatomy compared, their lifestyle compared, or their communication compared, but that'll be for those angry commentors down in that cesspool, courtesy of Steam.

'Course, last time I checked, a tree is not a methane-pumping bovine. Heh.

Plants Are Socialists

That got your attention, now didn't it?

Alas, for I lack the ability to unearth the video this was shown in!


Plants, when linked via root systems, will actually care for each other. That is, they'll make sure others are better off than they would have been without help. For example, say there was a drought above a small amount of forestry, with plants linked via roots. When one tree isn't well, nutrients are transferred from plants more well-off than that dry tree (yet again, via roots).

Also, the other plants (other than the dry tree, really) will heed this information from one tree drying out. That is, they will prepare for a drought and be much more frugal with their resources in order to survive (some may stick to their guns in this instance, though; it's what causes certain colors of leaves, like red leaves).

This is all thanks to the Wood Wide Web.

Plants Possess Memorization Skills

Let's hop in immediately, shall we?

I think that same video had what I'm about to talk about. I don't know how in the world I found the video, but I'm glad I did!

There was once an experiment conducted on a piece of a plant (it's even more mind-boggling that only a piece did this). It was part of a fern that would curl when something was to touch it. This part was dropped several times, curling when it touched the floor. Over time, however, the piece began to realize that predators weren't eating it; it was just a harmless (hopefully) act. It curled less and less, and after about four times, it stopped having any reaction like it did before. It knew it was safe; it had memory to utilize.

It's the same with pretty much every other plant out there that we haven't made extinct or endangered. You may want to try this (albeit a bit cruel), and record results for that type of plant (some aren't terribly sensitive, so keep that in mind).

Ophiocordyceps unilateralis

Ah, yes. We've come to the mind-controlling mushroom species, Ophiocordyceps unilateralis. Get ready for a brain-buster.

Ophiocordyceps unilateralis is a specific species of fungus, which is known well for taking over the minds of ants (and sometimes other arthropods, such as spiders).

Supplementary pictures:



Top: diagram of how Ophiocordyceps unilateralis lives its life
Middle: dead ant infected with the fungus
Bottom: spider (tarantula, dead) infected with a type of Cordyceps

Unfortunately, the high-quality picture of a ubiquitous fungus-spider is too large to be uploaded into this.

Now, that diagram pretty much explains what it does to infect and reproduce. The mushroom isn't immortal, though; there's a predator fungus among us, and it's why there aren't dead ants everywhere.

This fungus'll eat through the exoskeleton of an arthropod, burying itself deep into the body. Over some time, it will gain control of the insect and tell it to crawl up a leaf where conditions are sublime for spreading of spores. Once there, the mushroom sucks the life out of the poor soul (I believe it's some sort of vital organ that it sucks) for nutrients. It then stretches out its nonexistent legs, kicks back, and goes jackin' the beanstalk and releasing its young unto any other poor traveling ants within its area. It's common to see "graveyards" of mycelium-ridden ants that have succumbed to our vegetable lords.



Mushrooms and fungi aren't technically plants, but they're pretty darn close. Also, y'need a mind ter control 'un!

Conclusion, Part I

You may be thinking, "What do I eat now? There's not much else."

Well, that's correct, but (unless you're a fundy) you could simply live with a fruit-based lifestyle! Fruits are like the eggs of plants.

However, although it's fantastic to do this if you so choose (I'd be pleasantly surprised if you did), no other animal, plant, or even bacteria (maybe; don't quote me on that one) gives every bit of life the special treatment. Because of this, man-eating tigers will still be man-eating tigers, Ohpiocordyceps unilateralis will still be in Latin (and Ophiocordyceps unilateralis), and humans will still be the scourge of life on Earth (otherwise known simply as "humans").

That's really how one can justify eating practically anything.

Conclusion, Part II, in F Major

Much like the end of a good piece of ragtime (but I repeat myself), this "guide" has unfortunately come to a close.

Here's a reward for your efforts! A winner is you!

You did it! You read my longest guide, or at least skimmed it and scrolled to the bottom! It's still something!

If you know of any studies I didn't, I encourage you to tell me of them. I also encourage you, the reader, to look more into this topic in your own time, rather than constantly play games.

"The media always tells the truth!" - Dumbass Timmy

Note: Steam believes not in indenting for paragraphs.

Thank you for your time, and g'night!

[Chris Wilder]

y the fuck is this a tf2 wiki