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Nazeem, but I Went a Little Too Far

Oh boy, guys. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. I've really done it this time, guys. I've really dug myself into some deep sh*t, now. Ohhh, I am so, so f*cked you guys.

Okay. Alright. Deep breaths, Mr. Milk. Deeeep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Okay. Okay. So. It all began when I was walking through Whiterun, and I passed by Nazeem. You know the drill. I brush past him, he utters his f*cking phrase ("Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh, what am I saying, of course you don't."), and my blood pressure spikes (as always). But this time was different. See, I've had a pretty long week. To call myself "mentally drained" would be the understatement of the century. Any self-restraint, any self-discipline, any inhibitions I might have had previously were gone by Tuesday of this week. And this one time, I'd had enough. I finally cracked, and I decided, in return, I would "crack" Nazeem. In half, ideally.

So, I exited the game, my heart set on ruining Nazeem as much as he's ruined me after all these years. Except, that's not quite how it turned out.

You see, I really thought that if I went into the Skyrim modding software, opened up Nazeem's profile, and clicked and selected at random, that it would ruin him. Break him. Destroy him like the little turd he is. Only, that's not what happened. At all. I maaay have added some, erm, "unique" items to his inventory. And/or made him, uhm, a little bit stronger. And I also threw in a few other little, ehm, let's just say, "surprises".

Yeah, "surprises." That sounds good. That makes it sound like a good thing. Yeah. Fun little "surprises".

If you can defeat this absolute monster I've created here, this bizarre, maybe genderbent Franken-Nazeem, I think (?) you'll be in for a treat. I didn't keep a very close eye on what was in his inventory, but if you can kill him, I think you'll find some ale, and maybe a few other, slightly more, shall we say, unusual things. Consider it a challenge.

Oh, and that's the biggest thing: Nazeem is now killable. So, we've got that at least. Might be difficult to do, but at least it's physically possible now. Go tear the head off that condescending son of a b*tch, you bloodthirsty animals.

Good question! Don't know.

I wasn't lying when I said I kind of clicked randomly. I'm not totally sure what's going on here. I tested the mod for maybe thirty seconds before uploading it, so your guess is really as good as mine here. I think I made him a lot stronger, and threw some crazy items in his inventory. I also tossed in maybe one or two bottles of ale.

If you consider this a quality mod, then hey, who am I to stop you from subscribing? The subscribe button's there up above, if you feel like this is an important addition to your Skyrim mod repertoire. I can't imagine why you would, but some people just don't want to kill Nazeem without some challenge, I guess. Good luck to you, and if you're successful in destroying Nazeem, good riddance to him.