The Saltiest TF2 Guide Ever Written

This guide will teach you everything you need to know about the game-mechanics, classes, plot and much more on the saltiest and most insulting way possible! Enjoy the reading! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

INTRODUCTION

A WARNING BEFORE READING:
1 - This guide is a complete re-work of a really old guide i made in 2014.
2 - I DID NOT made ANY of the meme images that are inside this guide, they were made by their respective creators.
3 - This guide was made to teach to new players almost every single thing about TF2 but in the most salty way possible!
4 - I'm clearly a TF2 Fan, and this guide is exagerated just for the lolz, so please don't take it too seriously ... but not even too ironically.

Enjoy the reading!

Team Fortress 2 is a very serious game!

Team Fortress 2 (Tim Fòrtress ciu) is a teamwork based first person shooter game, where teamwork is non-existent because everyone is always too busy trading hats.
The game is also well known as one of the most racist games of all times,since the gameplay's biggest concept is to "kill everything that apparently seems alive and doesen't have your clothes color on".

Valve created this game after a party where every single developer was either high or on crack.
The game combines the good looking graphics from the Pixar movies with lots, lots, LOTS of
pure violence!
A long time ago this game used to be sold exclusively on the Orange Box at the fruit store, but on 2011 with the arrival of vegans the game changed drastically becoming free to play and from that day it has never been the same.

Here's what to expect when playing the game:

THE PLOT

Usually no one cares about the plot of this game because the players are too busy killing everything that moves to really give a crap about the plot. Honestly the only ones that actually do are the turbo-fanboys of this hat simulator game, like the one that wrote this guide for example.

Here's all the drama that you need to know:

Most of the game plot is in the comics, that except the old school players almost no one seems to know the existence of, so go give em a shot, the manga is always better!
If you haven't read the comics yet and wanna waste some time, here's the page:
http://www.teamfortress.com/comics.php

Or you can watch the meeting videos if you don't want to waste your time reading stuff like a weeb and think that reading the anime sometimes is better:
http://www.teamfortress.com/movies.php

But if you're so lazy of a neet that you don't even want to click on two links, here's the simplified version of this forsaken plot:

There once were two brothers called Redmond and Blutarch, and they hated each other.
Two parts of the world were under control of two big companies, each one controlled by one of the two brothers.
And basically these two used to send a lot of hired mercenaries to find some australium, capture the most important points of each other's factories or bomb the factories of one another, these factories were usually located in abandoned places in the middle of nowhere (Badlands) or literally between the entire city of Hong Kong (Koth_King or Disctrict).
You could have told from wich brother the place belonged to just by the color of the zone.
But why were they sending hired teams of mercenaries against each other? Just for hate or something more had happened to these two idiots?

It's simple, their dad Zephenian Mann, before dying split his belongings between them but both of them were greedy as f*ck and wanted everything for themselves and apparently diplomacy was not an option.
And so here we are.. with mercs in the middle of nowhere that have to conquer zones in the name of a guy that you'll probably didn't even know nothing about.

Why am i even making it so long? In this game you shoot at everything that moves, end of the story!

THE CLASSES: ATTACK

In this game, there are nine classes and each one of them has its own broken playstyle.
And since in this clusterf*ck of a game almost every server has no class-limits you'll almost always end up in teams made of snipers and spies, but don't worry! That's because they are the most op classes of the game!
Sniper and spy are always op and you should always choose them regardless of how many there are on your team! Even if you miss every single shot and do nothing useful you're still doing better than you would have ever done playing any other class!

If you want to become a pro, don't ever listen to those players that tell you that you should play a class based on your own playstyle!

We will be talking about the characters, how to play them and about the people who waste hundreds of hours playing only one class in every single game.

THE SCOUT

The class you should always choose to make your own OC

" BONK! "
- The Scout every few seconds.

The character:
This tiny boy is a parkour champion that drinks lots of radioactive energy drinks and that likes to throw baseball balls at the opponents heads.
Usually scouts in-game are seen running and jumping around like an enraged monkey and screaming every few seconds the word "BONK!". Wich is just a common collateral effect of the many radioactive energy drinks this character drinks.

The people who play it:
Usually the people who main this class are enraged salty kids just like the character himself, all think that they are gods at the game even tho most of the times you can literally kill them with a spit.
The usual scout player is a raging edgy middle schooler or a depressed emo almost-school shooter. They tend to satify their massive ego trough spam of lennies in chat when they manage to kill someone. Their favorite targets are people that fell asleep on the keyboard, players who just have installed the game and clueless snipers, because that's an easy way to get points for them.



How to play this class:
Don't.

THE SOLDIER

The class you main if you think random crits are fair and balanced!

" You've disonored this entire unit! "
- The soldier encouraging his team

The character:
This gloriosus american patriot grown up exclusively with teleported bread and Full Metal Jacket is probably one of the craziest characters in the game, usually you can recognize him for his hate for every single member of the team.

The people who play it:
The Soldier mains always stick to a single loadout, are very protective about it and never dare to change it, whenever it's for rocket-jumping or for costantly have their *ss covered they will always stick to it like moths to the light, so do not ever dare calling names about wich loadouts they are using or they will get seriously triggered!
Also remember to never dare to remind them that soldier is literally the stupidest class to master in this game or they will get so much triggered that you'll become their target for the rest of the match. When a soldier-main is in the server, there is always a 50% chance that they have also bringed along their pocket-medic girlfriend in the game to constantly suck their d*cks with a kritzkrieg, if you ever happen to join a match with a couple made of Soldier-Main + Medic in the enemy team, expect to encounter them always when they have a full kritzcharge.


How to play this class:
Doing kills with this class might seem hard at the beginning, but don't worry! Just spam rockets around the map, eventually one of them will actually manage to hit something and kill someone!

THE PYRO

The class that no one really knows how to play correctly!

" Mph mphhh mhhhph mhph mhphhh! "
- Pyro's Philosophy

The character:
Nothing is known about this character; gender, face, voice, sexual horientation, hair color, weight, tumblr account, pronouns, Deviantart fetishes. NOTHING!
But everyone knows that he/she likes to burn everything he/she sees.
This character is always doing LSD before matches since if you decide to equip his googles you'll always end up seeing the world as if the teletubbies invaded it and everything will become happy and colorful.
Agonizing screams of pain will become cheerful chipmunk's laughters, while explosions and flames will become rainbows and balloons flying trough the air.

The people who play it:
People who play pyro tend to vary a lot, but usually always fall under the same two categories:

"Kamikaze Pyros:" (or W+M1) , those are pyros that tend to always stick to the best tactic ever to use as a pyro, running forward to a group of enemies armed to the teeth while keep firing with their flamethrower.

"Pyro mains:"wich always consists of furries and weeb girls, it is mandatory if you are a Pyro main to always have an autoairblast hack installed, being as toxic as possible and have at least one artwork in your steam profile about your pyro! Pyro mains are some of the most hated and cancerous players in the whole game and usually tend to dislike the best tactic of all (W+M1) often opting for more time-consuming tactics like: "Doing W+M1 but changing to shotgun once in a while."



How to play this class:
Keep holding your fire button and keep running forward to every enemy you see.

THE CLASSES: DEFENSE

THE DEMOMAN

No, playing demoman does not automatically give you a "N-word pass!"

" Gonna kill you and I'll keep killin' you and I'll never, cause you're 'onna be dead and then I'm gonna kill you. "
- A sober Demoman.

The character:
This black Scottish Pirate/Samurai/Knight/Juggernaut/Cyclope dude is the result of what probably was the weirdest orgy that ever took place on this planet! And since he's probably conscious of that he often tends to drown all his toughts into alcohol.
In game this guy snobs every weapon that requires directly aiming at someone. Going instead more for ballistics and explosive weapons, like a greenade launcher, a sticky bomb launcher, a hand-greenade (that will be used as a club of course!) and a bunch of swords (wich are not explosives for some reason).

The people who play it:
Demoman mains are usually autoaim sh*tholes very skilled at hitting you from one mile away with their pipes and to abuse broken hitboxes hit you with their giant sword or axe when you're two miles away getting very close. Despite all the hate that demo-mains receive they are way less toxic than any other type of mains, but for some reason they all tend to have occasional suicidal-tendencies and crippling depression.
Demoman mains unlike the pyro-mains do not tend to brag as much for their skills. Being somewhat more bearable than the rest of the mains.



How to play this class:
Always go in the middle of a fight while spamming bombs and keeping your eyes closed, or even better, drunk ... or try to reach a enemy spawn door and start stickyspam the sh*t out of it.

THE HEAVY

Eheh boy! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

" Kiss me! "
- The heavy trying to seduce his minigun.

The character:
Born and grew up in the gloriosus Soviet Union ...This fourtyfive years old man has one main objective: to destroy capitalism by consuming so many sandwiches to make every capitalist country go on bankrupt and to keep shooting like an enraged monkey with a minigun while doing so.
That's pretty much it.

The people who play it:
Despites the existence of lots of heavy mains in the community, heavy mains costantly have series of existential crisis and costantly remind everyone how the heavy isn't mained by anyone and never gets any love from the community. Even if he appears in so many marquee images of the game that people consider him the "face" of Team Fortress 2 ...

Heavy mains are usually a 50/50. You can either meet the friendliest Memelord, who plays as a friendly and is always ready to use his soundboard voice-chat to make every situation more fun, or one of the biggest as*hole you've ever met in your entire life, tryhards and very vocal about their "opinions".
If soldier mains have a 50% chance of having a pocket medic behind them. Heavy mains are way worse and you'll never find one who hasn't a medic that prevents them from dying of starvation or considerably high cholesterol.



How to play this class:
Equip a sandwich and crouch for the entire match.

THE ENGINEER

No, you're not smarter than the other people on your team just for playing this class!

" Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! "
- Everyone whenever they see an engineer.

The character:
This american red-neck is literally the Walter White of elettronics. He can manage to build up a house just by hitting a toolscase with a wrench. His role in the game is to stay behind the enemy lines and to build a welcoming nest of deadly sentries, teleporters and dispensers ... and then just sit there drinking beers waiting for someone that accidentally gets killed by the sentry or a spy that finally manages to remove him from his position.

The people who play it:
Engie mains are very dangerous because they know every exploit of the game and almost always are expert griefers that tend to build in the craziest chokepoints of the maps. Once they manage to build a teleport to hell or a sentry behind an invisible wall, the match is basically over, do not ever expect your Windows 98 braindead teammates to ever even slightly push them to move from that location. Engineer-mains all blindly believe in everything that their lord and savior youtuber Uncle Dane says about the game and all seem to be listening at some weird techno - vaporwave music all the times.
Engineer mains never play any other classes, no matter what situation they are in. That's why they always spend as a minimum fourty dollars on each cosmetic they wear.



How to play this class:
Build a sentry and a dispenser as close as possible. Then stay crouched between them all the time while hitting them with the wrench.

THE CLASSES: SUPPORT

THE MEDIC

The class that everybody loves, but no one really ever wants to play.

" Mehdick! "
- Everybody at as soon as they see a medic.

The character:
The inventor of the pidgeon transplant that comes from the country of Krauts and Gas bills. This character is the direct transfusion of Doctor House and Doctor Stein and is usually seen on the battlefield either running around aimlessly shooting syringes or healing with his medigun every member of the team the heavies from the collateral effects of high cholesterol.

The people who play it:
Medic mains all have some weird god-complex and that usually is because they are invincible on the battlefield, always sticking themselves to the ass of some random aimbotter player in the server or to their favourite aimbotter boyfriend who's doing all the job while he's taking the assists.
While some medic mains are blessed with a spark of reasoning, you should never DARE to critique their playstyle or the weapon they are using.



How to play this class:
Stick your medigun to that one teammate who's got the fanciest cosmetics and completely ignore every call for a medic from the rest of the team (especially the ones from scouts). Only heal others if they do the "NOTICE ME SENPAI!" tactic and come to melee you for attention, so that you will not be called a "Pocket Medic". I know, it's a lot of stuff to remember, that's why almost no one ever plays medic. ಠ_ಠ

THE SNIPER

The class that absolutely everyone hates and has caused more problems with hackers since the beginning of times.

" Boom,c*mshot! "
- The sniper having cultural time with his girlfriend

The character:
This Australian tea-sucker is yet another a madman lunatic with a rifle in his hands ... Yet it differenciates from all the other classes because he unlike others needs to focus for ten seconds on somewhere else before finally being capable of doing a decent shot. Plus he needs to pee like every twenty seconds due to the collateral effects of being an english man.

The people who play it:
Sniper mains are some of the most edgy people you'll meet on Team Fortress 2, they are all recognizable by their immense ego, are all aimbotters all very skilled and usually like to decorate their own Steam Profile aswell as their sniper. Placing rightfully accusations of hacking as trophies on their info section and never deleting comments on how toxic they are. No matter how many times you'll ever die from a sniper, being shot trough a wall, while doing backward jump mid-air, even if you've tried everything. The problem is always going to be you, not the enemy sniper, snipers never cheat on a game where the anti-cheat system is as old as a "Knock Knock" joke.



How to play this class:
Get some hacks and install them, leave the bot running then go back crying in a corner.

THE SPY

The class that nobody loves, but everybody always wants to play.

" That Spy is a spy! "
- What? Let's be real, it sounds way better than " That spy is not one of ours! "

The character:
This baguette boy is hated by everyone with a passion. He can appear out of nowhere and insta-kill with a stab his foes, install Windows Vista on enemy's buildings causing them to violently explode and then disappear without leaving a trace. Between a raid and the other he usually goes f*cking the moms of his enemies.

The people who play it:
While demo-mains know how to exploit every single hitbox available in this game, spy-mains sure know how to exploit the melee ones, they will always get a stab even if they are directly looking at you. (Same rule for the sniper goes here too, the spy who has killed you is never hacking, you're the one who needs to get good).
Every spy main is gay or a weeb, no exceptions!
Everytime you're going to prepare as a sniper to camp for three to four hours, one of these guys will always pop out of nowhere to r*pe you and taunt on your corpse afterwards, meanwhile when you're going to play spy, every single member of the enemy team will suddendly activate their Minecraft X-Ray and start tracking every movement you'll make while invisible.



How to play this class:
Buy the box disguise taunt, use it on capture points and enjoy the spectacle.

THE SECONDARY CHARACTERS

THE ANNOUNCER

This old lady who smokes like a chimney, is a completely different character from all the others, because she doesen't seem to like any of the two teams ... all she ever does is announce with a despising tone wich team has won or lost or is doing any progress with their objective, this character was introduced because people were always so busy to shoot one another that they won't even know what the f*ck was actually going on during the match.

SAXTON HALE

Basically this used to be Gabe Newell's avatar on Second Life. This proud australian absolute Chad likes to catch and kill every single animal and person that just happens to pass by, likes the danger and is well known for being the Mann.co's Company CEO.
He only appears in "VS Saxton Hale" Gamemode to fistf*ck every person in the server. Jump mid-air like crazy and yell random australian gibberish to scare the folks around.

Here's why "Vs Saxton Hale" is a useless gamemode:

HORSELESS HEADLESS HORSEMANN

Old, forgotten and less cooler Jack Skeletron's cousin, he's in this game because one day both teams got hungover on a illegal party inside his mannor and this made him furious since he had just came back from a busy day at work. And so he grabbed his giant *ss axe and started cutting everyone in a half with a single swing.
This ridicoloussly overpowered boss always appears in Halloween Mode, just like the next ones...

MONUCULUS

Just a giant flying eye ...The demoman has always claimed to be it's own lost eye ... but there are still some doubts since Monoculus is as big as the demoman. When this monstrousity appears on the map both teams become unable to damage each other (unlike on the maps where the Jack Skeletron's cousin appears) and both teams are forced to attack the eye, usually after one hour of everyone getting blasted into Oblivion it finally dies and grants the ability to players to reach a secret room in the depths of Hell. Otherwise it will just get bored and go to annoy people in another server.
This boss was made just as an excuse to kill some time and make matches way longer than they should have been.

MERASMUS

A mistake that has been created just to make matches last infinitely longer than they should be. This god forsaken wizard loves to randomly appear on halloween maps to cause mayhem and spending the rest of the time hiding around the map with both teams unable to hurt each other.
What makes this boss so annoying to fight against is that he tends to appear on the map approximately every ten seconds, in a map where usualy each round lasts six minutes. Expect to get laid, have some grandkids and finally die of aging before finally managing to reach the end of a single round on the map where he appears.

It happens every single f*cking time!

THE TEAMS

While the enemy team will always be full unusuals wearing competitive masters ready to use their aimbot weapons to kick you out of the match. Instead you're probably always going to be matched in a team where the most dangerous member will be the cooking pot you're wearing over your head.

How do you recognize good teammates? Simple! By wich cosmetics and hats they are wearing!

These are probably going to be your teammates 99,9% of the time!

And these are going to be your opponents 99,9% of the time!

You get the point uh? Your team will almost always suck because they wear stinky commoner hats and so their skills lowers, when this happens tell them to wear something better and to switch to spy or sniper! If that wont work, start screaming at them with voice-chat until they do so! Or untill the server stops laughing at you, call you a meanie, smelly, looser or a virgin and finally someone kicks you off the server.

Also remember to do your part and try to be a good teammate!

THE GAMEMODES: PT.1

There are a lot of gamemodes in this game...but the objective is always the same, destroy everything that's not the same color as yours.

CAPTURE THE FLAG INTELLIGENCE

You must capture the flag three times to win the match... but there is no flag in this gamemode, instead there is a briefcase that contains a lot of secret informations that each team could really use to destroy each other ... like the Holy Graal location, the Krabby Patty's formula, what is inside Area 51, the solution to world's hunger and other useless things that no one really cares about.
Take also note that this is considered the worst gamemode on TF2, but don't listen to those people who are mere heretic servants of the lord and savior Uncle Dane, because we all know that our true lord and savior is Gabe Newell, and whatever he creates is pure gold! (Except for Artifact)

PUSH THE F*CKING CART!

You must push a cart to the enemy base ... nothing more, nothing less.
Also the cart is usually a big bomb that also contains a mini-dispender inside, so stick to the bomb to cure all the holes on your body caused by the bullets. Remember that a hole in the head is better than another hole in your r*ctum! So remember to fill these holes!

Capture Boring Points

This gamemode is literally a circle of purgatory, it's a ping pong match of capturing every single point but never the last ones because they are right at six feet from each team's spawn, while it's one of the most common competitive's gamemodes ... people usually play this gamemode untill they get bored instead of finishing them.

ATTACK/DEFEND

This gamemode always plays the same: The red team has one minute setup to let the engies build an impenetrable wall of sentries and dispensers. Meanwhile at the end of the timer the blue team charges with a horde of scouts hoping that at least one of them will eventually throw his corpse on the point, capturing it.
This gamemode is either a maze of chokepoints or a complete RUSH B

KING OF THE HILL

For some reason the servers that contain maps with this gamemode are always complete sh*tfests full of the most salty people in the world, and lots of hackers.
Plus the team-balance system seems to disappear on king of the hill maps.
This gamemode is truly for the brave ones that dare to adventure this deeply in the saltiest places of the game, where rage from hackers and gamers that dedicate their lives to this game is always around the corner.

ARENA

No one really plays this gamemode anymore if not with mods. It has become instead one of these two gamemodes:

DEATHRUN

You either love or hate this gamemode, and it shows. Servers are always flooded either with afk people or with people who know how to glitch every part of the map to reach the very end, those servers contain the highest level of people that use Lenny binds, MicSpam and Soundboards in all Team Fortress 2, and also the weirdest players to ever have set foot on the game. We recommend playing a lot of king of the hill maps before joining in these servers, so you can highen your standards of saltyness. Otherwise it would be unbearable to play DeathRun even for five minutes.

VS SAXTON HALE

This gamemode consists on having a full set of fourty people against an almost invincible one playing as "Saxton Hale", a big Bud Spencer capable of slapping you out from existence with a single slap. The objective is to kill him by having less losses as possible.
This gamemode always becomes either a huge shooting range with one single moving target or a waiting-room that could take forever to come out from, if you accidentally manage to get killed by the big bad Saxton, of course.

THE GAMEMODES: PT.2

MEDIEVAL

There is only one map for this gamemode, all you have to do here is cap all the enemy points or either defend them all by only using melee weapons, this gamemode is pretty much demoman and sniper only since demomans are complete Half-Life 2 speedrunners that fly all over the sky and snipers have bows that make every other class weaker.

APOLLO 11

You must cap a special intelligence, and then place it into a rocket ... plain and simple, if you don't like engineers play this gamemode!

PAYLOAD RACE

This gamemode is played only for two maps ... Banana bay and Hightower, both names that remind phallic measures. Anyway many consider this gamemode a deathmatch mode since most maps don't have a timer for it , no one really knows why the origins of such unwritten rule or why it just applies to this gamemode since Capture the Flag also has no timer.
Playing this gamemode is literally a russian roulette of votekicks, never dare doing the objective on this gamemode or the most toxic players of the entire server the most skilled players of the server will try to istantly votekick you. Ignoring the fact that usually people play Casual matches for the XP and they could play as much as they wanted if they actually went on community servers.

PASSTIME

Basically Capture the Flag in reverse. It's a big rugby match where you have to throw the ball into the enemy's goal. This gamemode is very underappreciated and that is because (just like medieval gamemode) only two classes seems to be suited for this gamemode, Scouts and Engineers. The engineers will usually build a wall to protect the goals from being blown up by the illegal migrants, also called scouts, that will try with each horde to throw as far as they can the ball into the goal.
Just like in "Control Points" people usually leave due to boredom instead of finishing the matches.

MVM

What should have been the bootcamp to prepare people for the *ss-breaking missions off Mann-up has now become a place of forever damnation and esylium for noobs that have accidentally managed to enter in this gamemode. Lost noobs have been seen numerous times wandering around this gamemode completely clueless of what was going on, speaking a language so foreign that no one has ever managed to understand even to this day and not even knowing what game they are currently playing. This gamemode is basically just a zoo in wich you can see some of the most clueless noobs in the entire Team Fortress 2 in their natural habitat.

MANN-UP MVM

Basicaly the countrary of what normal MVM is ... instead of being a zoo that contains the most clueless noobs of the game, this gamemode is just for the most experienced players and it's essentially a big farming pot for Australium weapons, wich are golden stock weapons identical to the ones you already have ... but shiny and golden! Legends say that if you dare pay to adventure in this gamemode you'll be able to find foreign players with over a thousand completed tours whom have been farming since 2015 in hopes to get a phantomatic Golden Pan.
Play this gamemode only if you've become rich and bored.

COMPETITIVE

On it's current state the gamemode is more dead than Club Penguin, because it's broken as hell and there are no rewards at all for achieving the best ranks. Legends says that this gamemode has become the new infamous "Slender fortress" because voices go that if you start playing this gamemode at 3AM, you'll be able to join empty matches where the ghosts of salty Team Fortress 2 competitive players are forced to relive their last moments of life before going to play Overwatch.

The legend however seems to be false since Overwatch has pretty much died and everyone came back on Team Fortress 2, thus making the ghosts disappear.

HAT SIMULATOR

This gamemode is always active in the background since the start of the game and is active in every other gamemode and map in every single server ...The objective of this secret gamemode is to buy as much hats as you can and show to the other people on the servers how much cooler than them you look with your hats all piled up on your head!

Exactly!

THE IN-GAME-MECHANICS

PAID TAUNTS

Taunts are one of the main reason why people waste so much money into this game.
Paying for some specific taunts will give you new abilities like:

- High Five with a teammate in the middle of a fight. (Usually followed by a F2P Pyro burning to death both dudes)

- Laugh at the noob you've just killed, expect to always get backstabbed right after

- Play Rock,Paper,Scissors to determine who's going to turn the corner first, just to then get killed by six sentries, one ubercharged heavy and a bot.

Dance to make the entire server stop what they were doing and join you in an infinite dancing party. Usually just to get ruined by an accidental kill made by one of the party members that will start the fight once again or by the usual F2P Pyro "gonzalez @ gmail. com".

Mannrobics is for boys, Kazotsky is for Мужчины, Conga is for men!

TAUNTS

Luckily there are also some taunts even for gamers who have still some brain left in their skull and don't want to waste twelve bucks just to get a chair for the engineer.
Just choose a class, a weapon, and press " G ".
Sometimes you can even manage to do an insta-kill with some taunts, like these for example:

The Scout will use the enemy's head as a baseball ball!

The Soldier's blows himself up!

The Pyro does an imitation of the Ka-me-ha-me-ahhh! But it's really small and it looks much more like a flaming fart!

The Demoman demonstrates the ancient art of the guillotine!

The Heavy shots part of his cholesterol trough his fingertips towards the enemy, causing an istant hearth attack!

The Engineer tries to imitate Jimmy Hendrix by crashing his guitar on the victim's head!

The Medic does a quadruple splenectonomy without morphine applied to it by penetrating the opponents hearth.

The Sniper does the Jocker trick with an arrow.

The Spy tries to r*pe the enemy with his knife.

Remember to always choose the best taunt to use!

PUSH TO TALK

Have you ever played Fortnite or Overwatch before? If so then there is a high chance that you're very young, vocal about your opinions, or hate Team Fortress 2 with a passion. Either way, whether you just want to be as toxic as possible, throw random insults to everyone that outsmarts you, or just be very vocal about your opinions about your teammate ... don't worry, because Team Fortress 2 has got what's for you! Young man!

Just press " V " to send to your team a vocal message and feel absolutely free to shout all your rage at your computer's screen.



DISCLAIMER: Do not blame me if your team then decides to votekick you!

SPRAYS

Do you like to leave a mark to where you've been? In Team Fortress 2 you can do that too! Spray a picture by pressing " T " while looking on a wall and become the best Street Artost of the server! You can spray funny images, gifs, memes, something to distract players like boobs or hentais and then killing em while they are watching!

To do this, you'll have to go on the game options menu and then on the multiplayer section, once you'll be there, just select an image from your folder to use as a spray.

However, do not just select any random image to use as a spray!
Be creative!


Try to use sprays to become a vending machine of something:




You can also be useful for once in your life, and use sprays to help your teammates by telling them what dangers await ahead:



Or just be your usual self and fill every wall of the map with furry and hentai sprays. If you're going for this option (wich is likely) try to use them to distract the enemies, and get free kills



I didn't wanted to get this guide removed from Steam, so i've choosen something less "spicy", but i know you pervs will almost surely find something more spicier out there. ;)

THE MAPS

Maps are the places where the chaotic fights of this game take place on. However during time they have started to become the punching bag of every player of this game.
Everytime you're loosing, having a bad match, encountering a cheater, struggling to get past a point and have already finished all the things you could use as an excuse for your lack of skills bad luck, always play the "blame the map" card! It always works!

If in other games the players tend to slightly criticize a few maps, in Team Fortress 2 this aspect is multiplied by a thousand, each player hates with a passion every map of this game to the point that they consider every map unplayable for the stupidest reason.

While sometimes it can be true that some maps have poorly made areas, are sometimes too closed or have sometimes too many chokepoints. It seems to have overgone a little too far, with so many players exagerating the flaws that each map has to the point that almost every map now is considered unplayable from the playerbase.

Let's take this image here as an example, as you can see there are lot of maps that people consider to be bad:

Now let's try to do what a TF2 Player would do and find a reason why every map is unbalanced and unplayable:

cp_badlands: Nah, too boring to play, the map is literally shaped like an eight and it appears in literally every competitive match! Gets old really fast.

cp_gravelpit: No man, everytime you're defending the team splits to defend the first two points leaving the last one always vulnerable, let's go somewhere where we don't have to stress out about stuff like this.

cp_steel: Oh god, no! The map is too maze-like and i don't want to argue with noobs that don't even try to think while playing this game. The red always win on this map anyway because the blues always have to do a maze to reach to the point they have to cap so why even trying? It's too complex!

plr_hightower: Nah man, it takes forever to complete, has that chokepoint with the big slope and even if you try to play the game as it should be played people will always try to votekick you due to the unwritten rules of the map.

plr_pipeline: Too unbalanced, the map gives the exact amount of space to everyone and it always ends up in the same way, with people just endlessly trying to push at the very last points. Plus its such an open map that snipers are always everywhere!

cp_junction: Seriously? It's too cramped up, too many chokepoints and there are always demomans and soldiers spamming trough the doors! Not worse than turbine tho.

ctf_2fort: Don't you even think about that map! It has too long corridors making the projectiles from weapons such as the pompson, cow mangler, rocketlauncher much easier to get hit by, always some engineers camping in the intel room and there are way too many sniping points! It's still better than turbine tho.

ctf_turbine: Are you f*cking kidding me? It's small, claustrophobic, can be easily spawncamped and let's be honest, capture the flag is not a good gamemode, it works on every game but not on this one because me and another popular TF2 youtuber have said so. (Remember that everytime you talk about ctf_turbine you should always also comment on how CTF is a bad gamemode! It always works!)

tc_hydro: Don't even bother, chokepoints are everywhere, it's too non-symmetrical and it's an awful gamemode.

No fun allowed:

Do you think that i've only choosen bad maps that are easily critiquable? Let's see with how many more maps we can go on with this:

cp_powerhouse:No it sucks. It's one of the most stalematey maps out there, it takes forever to complete.

pl_snowycoast: That map stinks, capturing the second point is always impossible because it's literally after the enemy spawn's door, plus there are way too many chokepoints.

pl_hoodoo: For real? That map is just a huge chokepoint, don't even bother.

pl_swiftwater: Absolutely not, that map is way too big and every chokepoint is always too easily defendable by the red team, i've never seen a map that gives so much advantage to the red team.

koth_harvest: Don't even bother, that map is the kingdom of hackers and cheaters. Let's go somewhere else, there is always a cheater of some kind in that map.

koth_nucleus: That map sucks, it's way too open and completely undefendable, it's shaped like a perfect cirle, it's impossible to defend once you cap the point, it's like playing a ping pong of capturing.

ctf_well: Nah, way too large and being in defense as an engineer is impossible, it's almost impossible to defend the intelligence on your own. You need way too many people to do that. Plus snipers everywhere.

You get it now? Every map can be the worst map of the game if you want to.

THE WUTVILLE INFERNO

After god knows how many years without an update, Valve suddendly woken up from his coma and decided to release a bunch of maps to the game for Christmas. But as i will say in the next few chapters, as time went on, it seemed like Valve stopped caring about their own game and started picking stuff from the workshop at random just for the lulz of making the players mad.

But this time, no lulz came to the game....
..what came was a map so bad that it achieved the title of "Alternative Brazil"... a place where no one ever wants to go but is forced by some other astral plane to do so.

I'm talking about the infamous "Wutville"


Every single players of this game always has a different opinion on something, but this map managed to unite friendlies, tryharders, veterans, new players, demo-mains and soldier-mains all togheter.
Because everyone thinks that adding this map was a huge mistake.

A single game on this map made by the developers would have revealed what a mess of a map this is. From the aesthetics to the gameplay, nothing matches the style of the game, broken hitboxes, broken-walls, it's so wide open that it's a sniper-paradise. (and with the current bot-infestation that this game has, it's like bringing a Chucky E. Cheese Pizza with double cheese inside a House infested by rats.) And you could even get out of the map with ease at some point.
But at this point it was clear to everyone that Valve probably just fell asleep once again on the "Add something random to the game" big red button.

Blue's spawn on Wutville

And so the community did what knows to do best, went to the creator and started blaming him for making the map. Ignoring the fact that the map was intended as a joke in the first place and it's Valve's fault for not doing quality-checks before adding stuff to the game which should be the norm for every serious gaming company.
Nowadays the map has been removed from the matchmaking due to being unplayable and Wutville remains just as a bad memory for the players.

The map has managed to stay in the game somehow, but don't worry, it will only appear during Christmas, so it can ruin your holidays! And since Valve refuses to do anything that requires effort, the creator of the map is working hard to fix what they should be doing in the first place.

Years of frustration without an update, may lead to undesired effects:

THE HATS

Hats and Cosmetics in videogames are usually obtainable trough a paywall of some kind and are completely optional with zero impact on the actual gameplay.

Meanwhile in Team Fortress 2, not only cosmetics matter as much (if not more) than your skills ... but they also symbolizes a bunch of other things:

- How much money you've spent in this game.
- How much experience you have in this game.
- How much respect someone has to give you.
- Basically what kind of player you are...
- Your attitude.
- Your playstyle.
- Your lifestyle.
- Your favourite Youtuber.
- Your favourite kind of food.
- If you put cereal before milk or the opposite.
- How many times you masturbate daily.
- Your sins.

Remember that wearing an unusual is a sign of wealth and skill!

THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF COSMETICS

Usually there is a cycle that the usual player of this game fall into as for cosmetics.

1- You just started playing the game and you notice that players with the fancier hats tend to do more points than those who do not have them and receive favouritism more by other teammates, so obviously, you'll need to get hats. But spending money for that seems a bit exagerated.

2- After playing a while, you'll start to wear the Gibus and Pyrovision Googles just to show to everyone that you have obtained these items, not because you like them.
Eventually you'll get tired of seeing thousands of people with your same look and will eventually give up and decide to spend money for a single hat for your favourite class.

3- You eventually decide to buy a hat for your favourite class and play this class everytime because it's the only one which has a hat to show, eventually you'll get tired and buy more hats for other classes too, or discover that trading is an option and accumulate refined metals.

4- You'll eventually start to trade or buy fancier hats just because you want your character to be as decorated as possible, so that you can stand out more and have that pocket medic sticked to your ass everytime, receive sandwiches from the hoovies and have enemy spies backstabbing themselves.

5- Eventually you'll reach a level of wealth you tought it was impossible to reach and now have wasted so many hours (or money) into the game that you managed to obtain one or more unusuals, you equip them everytime because they make you stand out a lot more than normal hats.

6- Eventually tho, there will be a return to the origins, you'll get tired of decorating your character like a Christmas tree and decide to go for the standard Loadout, but with just a single highly expensive item equipped, usually like the Earbuds, a Tournament Medal (For partecipating obviously, not for winning) or a bunch of glasses, just because...

If you don't believe me, trust me, after more than 2000 hours of gameplay, most of the players eventually give up and opt for something more simple.
You'll be one of those eventually, it just takes some time.

Basically it goes like this:

STEREOTYPES

Not only you have to be careful to pick the correct hats and cosmetics to wear to show your status and how rich you are, but each one of them has a stereotype attached to it that shows what kind of player you are and what you like to do.
For some reason ... in this game, playstyles often go on pair with the hats and cosmetics that someone's wearing.
Any example of "hat-stereotypes"?

The Gibus usually is worn a new player who hasn't spent money on this game for cosmetics.
The Tough Guy's Toque or Chicken Kiev is usually worn by friendlies hoovies.
The War Pig is usually worn by Try-hard soldiers.

And so on...
No really ... there is even a whole series on Youtube dedicated to the stereotypes of hats, cosmetics and even weapons of this game. Look it up!

Remember that stereotypes are important and you imperatively have to fit into them! Appearance is everything on TF2!

HALLOWEEN RESTRICTIONS

Some hats and cosmetics are "Halloween-Restricted" which means that you can only equip them during Halloween Events of course. This was added to the game because many hats were considered too silly to costantly have in the game, and would have probably worked better if they were restricted.

But with the new cosmetics being added nowadays, and with the possibility to create abominations by mixing toghether certain cosmetics ... this feature has become more useless than ever, since the art-style is already broken 365 days per-year with Banana-Hats and Cardboard Pirate Hats added to the game.

No really... which one?

DEATH OF AN ART-STYLE

With Team Fortress 2 taking place around the world during the 70s, you would expect to have stuff added into the game that matches these times and works well with the character it has been given to. (Keeping in mind that in this game, Teleporters and Medi-Guns are a thing)

But as time went on, Valve really started to not care about what they pushed into the game and apparently started adding things at random from the workshop, most of the time by breaking sets, because wearing a knight helmet without the armor works perfectly!

The funny thing is ... these are not even the worst ones!

The community's opinion on this is mixed, and while some say that the art-style of this game is now dead, many still say that it never truly died, and it was already absurd to begin with.

In reality it's kinda hard to find people who use cosmetics purely to break the art-style (Like a Pink Banana-Alien-Clown Jacket Spy for example) on Casual Servers. It's way easier to find these kind of people on Community Servers. So if you stay out of those you should probably be fine.

Altough many are starting to ask for a Hatless Option in the advanced options, but knowing how Valve likes to isten to the community, no one is expecting for it to come out ever...

"The Art-Style has changed way too much!"

THE COMMUNITY

Every person that has spent at least two hours playing videogames in their lives knows that no gaming-community is safe from toxicity.

The League of Legends community is very known for its extremely toxic behavior.
The Undertale community is known for inviting everyone to play the game and make tons of alternative versions of the game.
The Sonic community is known for being full of furries.
The Five Night's At Freddy's, Minecraft and Among Us communities are known for being full of toddlers.
And so on...

While the community of this game is one of the most unique of the communities out there, it is also well known for being one of the most iper-protective communities in history of gaming.
This community has so much attachement to what it creates that in fact could be called the most Yandere of the communities.

MEME MACHINE

One of the reasons why this game has managed to live longer than the others is that since the beginning of times, it has always been a meme-machine!
Everything that is in the game, to everything that involves it, has been memed to death and will probably be memed, no matter if it's a simple quote like "Pootis", "Nope" and "Bonk" or someone claiming that the "Heavy is Dead" or "Team Fortress 2 will fall the 15 March 2021"
The community of this game is known for memeing every single thing that there is around!

engineer gaming

OVERWATCH VS TEAM FORTRESS 2

Many people want to see this game dead, but if there is one playerbase that wants this the most is Overwatch's playerbase.

Overwatch and Team Fortress 2 are like Cat and Dog

Overwatch is basically a better made "Battleborn" and with an active playerbase.
When Overwatch came out, it was rumored that it was a more polished, better made and costantly updated Team Fortress 2. And since this was the first time another game community provoked the iper-protective and already frustrated enough Team Fortress 2 community, a whole war unleashed, with each playerbase raiding each other's game and flooding it with bad reviews and memes about how the other one is better.

At some point, there was even this other game called "Paladins" that came out, and its playerbase claimed that it was the best out of all three. Both sides, Overwatch and Team Fortress 2 temporarily united to take down this game almost istantly and then came back to fight with each other...

To everyone disbelief, the everlasting hated channel "Game Theorists" made a super cringy video about Team Fortress 2 VS Overwatch, siding almost completely by Overwatch side. The community was infuriated beyond disbelief and completely destroyed this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eP45nc2_st8

It's clear that neither of these two have played Team Fortress 2 for more than five minutes.

Later on, even Fortnite came out, with its very naive playerbase claiming that TF2 copied the style of Fortnite, when in reality it's the countrary and there is even proof of that around the web:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=munG3VIye6s&t=2s

Nowadays all of these games are dead or have finished their glory times, except for Team Fortress 2, wich has won the war, and managed to survive more than ten years, while these game somehow managed to die before they all reached five.

As someone once said, the only future that Overwatch has, is on rule34

THE UPDATES PT.1

Even the developers want this game to be dead...

Updates are waves of fresh new content, changes and bugfixes that the developers put in their own game in order to keep it costantly alive and the players entertained
However since the beginning of times Team Fortress 2 always had a ... turbulent history with updates.

Since when the game released, every single update has been called out for killing the game or changing it way too much. For the longest time, no one ever agreed with each other and everyone always had a different opinion, except for two things.

- Meet your Match was the worst update to ever hit Team Fortress 2.
- There are way too many unfinished features, like Coaching, Replays, Competitive and many more...

Team Fortress 2 despite absolutely not being a dead-game (There are more than 70.000 players playing each day) has died many times. Here's the list of the many times that it has died:

- Introduction of hats.
- Free To Play.
- Pyroland.
- Weapon Skins.
- End of The Line.
- Meet your Match
- The Bot Crisis.

If you feel really like it or simply want to make a few laughs, here's the video that lists EVERY SINGLE DEATH that this game went trough and resurrected:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJZL9NSmiLQ

INTRODUCTION OF HATS

The introduction of hats to this game was said to be the first death of this game, no one knew that this feature would become the drug that players of this forsaken game crave for.

FREE TO PLAY

The Free To Play Update is literally what saved this game from dying like Day Of Defeat: Source, Half-Life 2: Deathmatch and other Valve games alike. But it's also what doomed it to change forever.
Veterans instead of helping and encouraging newer players to play the game correctly, started kicking them off the game just to manage to get another veteran to join in.
This was the early introduction of F2P Players to the game, and will ease with time, but many people at the time called it out and straight up attached the "DEAD" sticker to TF2's Forehead.

PYROLAND

Pyroland Update bringed in the Pyrovision, wich means you can now equip a bunch of Googles so you can see the world as if you've just taken too much crack. Blood will become Rainbows, Explosions will become Confetti and so on...
With the introduction of the Teletubbies World to the game, people as usual started screaming that this would kill the game, not realizing that Pyrovision is completely optional and not game-breaking.
Nowadays almost no one uses it and seems to have been forgotten.

WEAPON SKINS

If there is something that never worked and will never work in video-games to begin with is "Weapon Skins".
This is something that most players still nowadays hate with a passion because if there is one thing that this game didn't needed was weapon skins ... for one reason, you can't properly recognize anymore wich weapon someone's using, because some skins make it look like you're using some other weapons.
They are also almost impossible to trade due to not being enough customers for this kind of things... so...

Why wanting new weapons, when you can get a pink flamethrower or a red SMG?!

END OF THE LINE

This update was hyped so much that an SFM with an Hype train came out of it!
But so much stuff was left out that would be added later on in the game that made this update basically useless.
Hats were missing, weapons were missing, even the map that had to come out with the update, will be added later on!
What the ydid instead was a duck hunting minigame throughout the matches, that no one cared for...

What were they even thinking?!

MEET YOUR MATCH

This update was such a disaster that it made the servers unplayable for a couple of days and many bugs that came with this update have never been fixed to this day, it made such a backlash that Valve had to respond immediatelly just to try to contain the anger that was unleashed by the community.

This was not the first time that Valve took a serious amount of time to make an unfinished update, full of bugs, would take forever to make bugfixes again and reduce time and time again, the content that came out along with the update.
Adding a competitive mode just because it was asked to do so, but without any rewards for doing so and without all the fixes that the community was asking for, like removing random crits or random spread of bullets.

Here's the full list of bugs that came with the update, because i didn't wnated to bother to write this chapter anymore:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyzKUYEYtks

And it did not helped that the update came out during the time where the war "Overwatch Vs Team Fortress 2" was still very active.

Another thing that came out with the update was "Heavy Vs Pyro", basically a vote poll to decide who was going to receive his own update first, people voted Pyro first because they tought at the time that it was broken, not caring for the heavy that did not received a single update since the beginning of the game, while pyro already received four of them.

At this point Valve will only produce another update two years after called "Jungle Inferno" which kind of lifted up the game once again to its standing glory point, but things will only get darker from here.

Wish it was only 817... now it's more than 1000...

THE UPDATES PT.2

THE BOT CRISIS

After Jungle Inferno Update, Valve initially promised for a future Heavy Update to be released, where our loved fat bald bastard will finally receive some new weapons to change his nonexistent gameplay. But later on, the developers admitted that the game would pass on "Support State" and will receive no more updates.

As soon as this bombshell dropped, the casual servers started filling with Sniper Pro-gamers Bots and this time, they installed the ultimate version of LMAOBOXHAX to make sure that they never got banned. This granted them the ability to:

- Change name and profile picture to the same one of another player, to cause confusion among votekicks.
- Costant Spamming of Racist Slurs to make everyone mad. (That would have worked if Team Fortress 2 had the fanbase of Overwatch, but it doesen't... so...)
- Make it impossible to use the Chat. (You thinked that scout spamming "Medic!" was annoying?)
- Make it even harder to votekick them by quitting seconds before the vote affected them.
- DOS the Servers (tho it didn't lasted very long, but still..)

At this point just remove the sniper...

It's almost impressive how much effort the cheaters of TF2 put into making the bots as annoying as possible. In other games, people would have probably gave up, but in this game, cheaters are as resiliant as the players.

At this point, in all honesty, the situation is ridicolous ... you can't even tell who's more desperate. The community desperately calling for attention the developers or the cheaters that try everything they can to make the game unplayable.

Despite VAC being as new as a pie thrown into a clown's face. Valve apparently didn't wanted to bother with making a better anti-cheat system for a really old game like Team Fortress 2 and just made some changes by making the game even more unplayable for new-players and effectively changing very little for the cheaters to stop. But they called it the day and went back spending time with more lucrative projects.

Valve is a company that knows his priorities!

As time went by the community got more...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3LaNUDj824

....and more...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Sa6B1AkFwc

....and more... desperate!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lk9aB-uSTlA&t=391s

At some point it even started to look like Valve was actively trying to kill their own game (because apparently adding two cosmetics and barely a map from the workshop every six months is too much work for them) by actively not caring about the Bots problem anymore, adding cosmetics that completely broke the art-style of the game, and adding mistakes like Wutville to the game.

It's actually impressive how much sh*t is going on but the community just wont let the game die.

At this point, if it would have been another game, people would have probably gave in to desperation and left for playing something else, but this is no other game! This is Team Fortress 2, and the community of this game is even more resilient than cockroaches. And so, if Valve doesen't want to work on this game for them, they will do it by themselves, and so they made their own version of Casual, like creators.tf and faceit.com servers.

They have fixed issues that the players have been costantly bragging about for DECADES, have a safe anti-cheater system and keep the servers full of updates. Overall they actually do give a sh*t about the game and the players.

Here's their links, if you want to play on their servers:
- https://creators.tf/
- https://www.faceit.com/en/game/tf2

It's clear to everyone at this point that it's not about Valve not communicating with the players, it's just straight not-caring about their own product and being d*cks.

Gonna update this section if anything changes, but i have my doubts...

I just want the final comic to be out, is that too much to ask for?!

FUN FACTS

- Fortnite is dying (if not dead already) after two years of existence, while Team Fortress 2 has been alive for twelve years and despite all the people saying that is a dead game is still going strong.



- It may sound strange but there is a game on Steam called Team Fortress Classic wich is the first game of the series, that's right, sounds strange but there actually is predecessor to this game ... and the fun fact is that in the countrarily to the second game of the series, every character is able to carry more weapons than a war-ship.

- The game is dubbed in many languages, English, spanish, german, russian, portoguese, danish, arab, swedish, martian, ostrogoth, mayan and ancient greek ... but not in italian.
Valve must really have something against the spaghetti code of this game. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- It takes more time starting the game than closing it.

- If you leave the game AFK once in a while you will be able to farm hours. By doing so ... if anyone ever dares to call out your lack of skills you'll at least be able to brag about the "hours of experience" you have made in the game.

- Some hats have been claimed by Youtubers and it's now impossible to wear them without people in the server telling you that your hat has been claimed already by some other Youtuber.



- Team Fortress 2 is the only game where hats and cosmetics are a MUST HAVE and matter exactly as much as your skills.

- Most of the classes in the Beta didn't had the weapons that they now have. For example, the Scout had a SMG, The Demoman had a throwing TNT and the pyro didn't had the ability to reflect rockets.



- There is a strange relationship with cheaters in this game:
If the cheater isn't wearing any cosmetics then he will most surely be recognized as one.
But god forbid if the cheater is wearing any cosmetics of any kind. If that's the case and you're accusing someone with cosmetics on to be hacking, the entire server will start to go against you by saying that you need to get good and get on with it, even if you're first and carrying the team.

- When youtubers accuse someone of cheating they will be always right.

- This game is a meme machine.

- You can kill an enemy by slapping him with your hand,by throwing him a christmas decoration, by using a fish but not by throwing in the back of the head a heavy jar full of questionable liquid.

- Almost half of the playerbase is made of Furries, keep your distances from them (and from pyros) or you're going to become one of them! ( OwO )

- If you're a woman playing Team Fortress 2 it is mandatory to have a full pink cosmetics loadout, being always playing either pyro or medic and always bragging in chat about how despite your gender you're still beating the entire enemy team with ease. \(uwu )/

- Also remember that if you're a woman you need to decorate your steam profile aswell. Make sure to have as many comments saying you're good at the game as possible, ask people to do so if needed. Also remember to have a donation button so you can receive free gifts from thirsty simps and brag about it like a thot.

- A knife in the back does more damage than a rocket in the face!

- You can heal from third degree burns, stabs, bullet wounds and mutilations just by eating a sandwich or some other snack.

- The Heavy can put away the minigun in his pockets!

- 67% of the players are also angry russian kids with no idea about what teamwork is!

- Literally everything can be used as a weapon or cosmetic in this game!

- A long time ago this game used to be full of bronies. Due to the ironical similarities that many of the characters of the show had with the characters of Team Fortress 2.
You couldn't play a single game without at least one brony in your team.
While with the show's ending most of them have disappeared nowadays, there are STILL many empty pony-dedicated servers left active in the community section of the game. They have been forgotten on purpose but you can still visit these haunted places if you feel brave enough...



- For some reason you can't do headshots if you don't wait for ten seconds first with your scope on, so make sure to always watch some paint dry on the walls close to who you want to kill before taking the shot.

- The Spy is Scout's father, yet he's not afraid of insulting him everytime he dominates him.
Just like a good father would do!

- In this game you can craft a Sandwich, a steak, and a chocolate bar by using metal scraps.

- If you put two sandwiches toghether you WONT get a bigger sandwich! You'll just get one scrap metal.

- There are more than 1500 cosmetics inside this game, but usually an experienced trader with no life will manage to obtain only around 500 of them.

- Setting a hat on fire multiplies its value up to thousands of dollars.



- You can't see you're feet in this game, even if you're running!

- There hasn't been an update TF2's history without the localization files being updated.

- Despite all the flaws this game has, you'll always come back to it.

- No one has ever really stopped playing Team Fortress 2 for forever, just took long breaks.

- Team Fortress 2 is not a dead game.

UPDATES

Do you have more salt to throw into the salt-mine that is this guide? Why don't you tell us in the comments something about this game in the saltiest way possible? Bring the most enraged saltiest people you know and let them rage under the comments about something, if we like what they wrote we'll probably add it to the guide and credit them later in this section.

25/03/2021
- Minor grammatical changes.
- Updated localization files.

13/12/2021
- Updated the Wutville part, since somehow this map is STILL IN THE GAME!
- Minor grammatical changes.
- Updated localization files.

- No more updates at the moment. Go back reading.

ENDING

Thank you for reading. Hope you're now able to become a raging abomination that will roam the servers of this game spamming lenny binds, wearing lime colored hats and using bots.

If you've found this guide to be sometimes a little incoherent or toxic, then you're probably right.

Have fun, be the monster out there! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)



DISCLAIMER: Before commeting down here, remember that this guide is purposely ironical and provocative. Do not be a wuss.

[compaq]

this guide basically shows tf2 at its fullest

[heev3n]

(Voice) Thanks!

[𝙕𝙤𝙚𝙮]

homosexuals

[arrotive]

i love this

[Hardhat]

i laughed waay to hard at this

[passmore3613]

this is the best guide ever









h

[Lasagne cat]

words to live by

[Jimmy]

this is incredible

[blessings]

I remember when keys were 3.66 ref and the game got updates

[local dumbass]

no pootis your life go boomis