HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR TEAM

HELLO.
THIS GUIDE WILL HELP YOU EFFICIENTLY AND PROPERLY COMMUNICATE WITH THE MONGOLOID INDIVIDUALS THAT YOU CALL YOUR TEAMMATES.
P̶L̶E̶A̶S̶E̶ ̶R̶A̶T̶E̶ ̶A̶N̶D̶ ̶F̶A̶V̶O̶R̶I̶T̶E̶ ̶I̶ ̶N̶E̶E̶D̶ ̶M̶Y̶ ̶T̶R̶U̶S̶T̶ ̶F̶A̶C̶T̶O̶R̶ ̶T̶O̶ ̶B̶E̶ ̶H̶I̶G̶H̶E̶R̶ ̶S̶O̶ ̶I̶ ̶D̶O̶N̶'̶T̶ ̶G̶E̶T̶ ̶Q̶U̶E̶U̶E̶D̶ ̶W̶I̶T̶H̶ ̶B̶R̶A̶I̶N̶D̶E̶A̶D̶ ̶C̶H̶E̶A̶T̶E̶R̶S̶.̶
MAY GOD HELP YOU IF YOU'RE GENUINELY READING THIS.

CASUAL

STARTING OFF WITH OUR FIRST SECTIO- I'M JOKING. CASUAL PLAYERS ARE PHYSICAL PROOF THAT GOD HAS ABANDONED US. IF YOU PLAY CASUAL YOU LOOK LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE.
I'M NOT JOKING GET THE ♥♥♥♥ OFF CASUAL.

DEATHMATCH

THERE IS NO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TEAM IN DEATHMATCH YOU ABSOLUTE MELON WHY ARE YOU READING THIS.

WAR GAMES AND DEMOLITION

IF YOU BOTHER PLAYING ANY OF THE OTHER GAMEMODES IN WAR GAMES OTHER THAN DEMOLITION THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU.
BUT FOR THOSE THAT DO PLAY DEMOLITION PLEASE DEMOLISH YOUR BRAINS IN ORDER TO REDUCE YOURSELF TO THE MENTAL LEVEL AT WHICH ACTUAL DEMOLITION PLAYERS PLAY AT. NO BUT SERIOUSLY. YOU ALL EAT ROCKS FOR BREAKFAST. 
 
Figure 1. Photo taken in average EU demolition server.

DANGER ZONE

HAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHA

YOU ACTUALLY PLAY THIS ♥♥♥♥ GAMEMODE? SHOOT YOURSELF RIGHT NOW.

WINGMAN

YOU'RE GETTING THERE. BUT YOU'RE STILL A ♥♥♥♥♥♥. YOU ONLY GET ONE TEAMMATE IN WINGMAN AND THAT'S IF YOU DON'T QUEUE WITH A FRIEND BEFOREHAND. IF YOU SOLO QUEUE ON WINGMAN EXPECT TO DERANK. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOUR BRAIN JUSTIFIED QUEUING THIS CT-ORIENTED GAMEMODE.

Figure 2. Average wingman player.  

COMPETITIVE

ALRIGHT. NOW THAT YOU'VE DECIDED TO START PLAYING THE GAME, HERE'S HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR TEAM. WE MUST FIRST NOTE THAT THERE ARE FOUR WAYS OF DOING THIS:

• TEXTUAL COMMUNICATION (GAME CHAT)
  
• VOICE COMMUNICATION (VOICE CHAT)
  
• BODY LANGUAGE AND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS (FOR THE MENTALLY HANDICAPPED)
  
• VOICE COMMANDS (END YOUR LIFE)

LET'S START OFF WITH THE FIRST ONE.

TEXTUAL COMMUNICATION.

DON'T BOTHER WITH THIS ONE. NO ONE READS TEAM-CHAT. THE ONLY THING PEOPLE READ IS GLOBAL CHAT. IN ORDER TO AUTOMATICALLY GET A ♥♥♥♥♥♥ BIND AND SPAM CHAT UNTIL EVERYONE HAS EITHER MUTED YOU, KICKED YOU, OR STARTED SPAMMING BACK.

1. OPEN CONSOLE.

2. TYPE IN THE FOLLOWING: BIND [KEY] "SAY [INSERT BIND HERE]"
EXAMPLE: BIND K "SAY I BET YOUR MOM HAS A BENT SKELETON."

3. RAPIDLY PRESS THAT KEY WHENEVER SOMEONE STARTS TALKING ♥♥♥♥. EVEN WHEN THEY STOP, KEEP SPAMMING IT.

VOICE COMMUNICATION.

UNIRONICALLY THIS IS THE ONLY FORM OF COMMUNICATION YOUR TEAMMATES WILL EVER UNDERSTAND. LET'S GET INTO HOW TO USE IT.

1. GO INTO YOUR SETTINGS MENU>KEYBOARD/MOUSE>COMMUNICATION OPTIONS>USE MIC

2. CHANGE WHATEVER KEY YOU HAVE SET TO "V". IF YOU USE ANY KEY BESIDES THIS, YOU ARE A MONKEY.

NOW THAT COVERS HOW TO USE IT. BUT IT DOESN'T COVER HOW TO ACTUALLY MAKE YOUR TEAMMATES UNDERSTAND YOU.
-
IF YOU'RE IN NORTH AMERICAN SERVERS YOU'RE SET ALREADY SINCE EVERYONE THERE IS RETARDED AND CAN ALREADY COMMUNICATE IN THEIR ♥♥♥♥♥♥ PRIMITIVE GERMAN-DERIVED ANGLO LANGUAGE KNOWN AS "ENGLISH".
-
IF YOU'RE IN SOUTH AMERICAN OR AFRICAN SERVERS THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU.
-
IF YOU'RE IN AUSTRALIAN/ASIAN SERVERS I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW YOU HAVE INTERNET ACCESS.
-
IF YOU'RE IN EUROPEAN SERVERS EVERYONE IS EITHER RUSSIAN OR WESTERN-EUROPEAN, SO ASSUMING THEY DON'T SPEAK GOOD ENGLISH, MAKE SURE YOU LOWER YOUR BRAIN LEVEL TO THEIRS AND SPEAK IN THE MOST RETARDED RUSSIAN ACCENT YOU CAN MANIFEST. ALSO SPEAK WITH BROKEN GRAMMAR SO THAT THEY UNDERSTAND YOU MORE CLEARLY.

BODY LANGUAGE AND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAVEN'T KILLED YOURSELF ALREADY IF YOU'RE READING THIS.

1. OPEN CONSOLE.

2.TYPE IN THE FOLLOWING: SENSITIVITY 90

3. WALK UP TO YOUR TEAMMATES AND START MOVING YOUR MOUSE IN ANY AND ALL DIRECTIONS. THROW IT IF YOU HAVE TO.

ENJOY.

VOICE COMMANDS.

1. OPEN CONSOLE.

2. TYPE IN THE FOLLOWING: UNBIND Z, UNBIND X, UNBIND C

ENJOY.

RATE AND FAVORITE

PLEASE RATE AND FAVORITE I BEG OF YOU THE MOSSAD HAS ME HOSTAGE

[Quin]

this helped me rank up to silver elite, thanks!

[AndrisSkele]

Im now monkey :)

[WestPhilippineSea]

This guide helped me rank up to silver 3
Thanks!!!

[fent demon]

:D

[Redoz]

Thank you for this guide, it helped me so much

[Congressman John P. Anderson]

cool guide!!!!

[fent demon]

very good

[?﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽]

ok.

[wuh- cs.money]

answer the same!
RUS: Выберите что то одно из этого списка и напишите в моём профиле, отвечу тем же!
GER: Such dir eine Sache aus der Liste aus und schreib es unter mein Profil und ich mache es auch bei dir!
PL: Wybierz jeden z komentarzy ponizej i zamieść w moim profilu, odwdzięcze się tym samym !
+rep very helpful teammate
+rep good leader
+rep clutchmeister
+rep amazing teammate
+rep insane skills :D
+rep Cool friend :)
+rep go me boost rank :D
+rep nice ace usp
+rep Global :D
+rep saved our match
+rep thx for game
+rep funny guy
+rep nice to play with
+rep amazing Ak-47 clutch
+rep Ebator 3000

[The Reality God]

RUS: Выберите что то одно из этого списка и напишите в моём профиле, отвечу тем же!
GER: Such dir eine Sache aus der Liste aus und schreib es unter mein Profil und ich mache es auch bei dir!
PL: Wybierz jeden z komentarzy ponizej i zamieść w moim profilu, odwdzięcze się tym samym !
+rep very helpful teammate
+rep good leader
+rep clutchmeister
+rep amazing teammate
+rep insane skills :D
+rep Cool friend :)
+rep go me boost rank :D
+rep nice ace usp
+rep Global :D
+rep saved our match
+rep thx for game
+rep funny guy
+rep nice to play with
+rep amazing Ak-47 clutch