Tips, Tricks, and Perks (with Ratings)

This guide is an attempt at a comprehensive compilation of all the little useful things of note in the game that make a difference, big or small. Note that this will not include everything and will omit some things considered obvious to everyone but complete novices. It also includes a section on perks and how useful they are.

Foreword

EDIT 2:

(March 28 2023) Please understand that this perk "review" is at this point probably very outdated. It's been quite some time since I made it, and god only knows how many changes or tweaks have occurred since then. It would take a lot of time for me to experiment and play the game in order to properly revise this, which unfortunately I'm not willing to do currently (I only have so much time and I need to dedicate it to other things). So just understand that the assessments in here are from a long while back and don't necessarily reflect my opinion of perks as they currently are (and there are tons of perks missing from this too).

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EDIT: There was a new update that not only added perks but made a number of changes, some of them major, which will subsequently have effects felt elsewhere in the game, possibly changing some of the assessments in this guide. As of the start of May 2020 this is NOT yet up to date, it will take some time for me (and the community) to digest the new Feast content (lol) and discover unknown interactions. As always, stuff in here is subject to change at any time, like they did with my poor, poor polymorph potions ; _ ;

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This guide ended up being way, way longer than I expected it to be. Mainly the perks part. I tried to make that condensed, but even only writing 2 to 3 sentences per perk has ballooned this guide into a book. I want to point out two things:

1) I may add more tips and tricks as time goes on. If there's something you think warrants mentioning, please add it to the comments below. That's the best place for it because it really is just a comment, not an argument or discussion.

2) Depending on the strength/validity of an argument for or against something, I may also change the rank of a perk. If you have some argument for or against a certain perk and how its rating should be changed, DO NOT use this guide's comments. The comment section just isn't formatted for discussion or argumentation, and it would muddy the waters with the tips and tricks as well. Instead, please post in this thread.

A Note on Tips

Noita is expansive. I think that's safe to say. When it comes down to the interactions between all possible assets, and then you throw in player actions, it becomes downright exhaustive. There are a billion things I could say that would rightfully count as "tips and tricks." While I do want this section to be comprehensive, I simply can't and won't make some gigantic Bible of all the possible various cool things you can do in Noita. I will still try to add anything that at least of middling importance or is good for general gameplay. Just wanted to point out that "you didn't mention X" as a comment might be assuming that I did so unintentionally. I will also leave out various things that I consider too obvious or things that everyone but a complete novice already knows.

Tips and Tricks Section 1

These are not listed in any particular order of importance.
Steam Guides apparently limit the character count of sections, so this list must be divided up.

• Edit: They changed polymorph to remove two of its major pivotal uses: you can no longer fly infinitely while morphed, and you are now blocked from re-entering the Holy Mountain exit shaft while morphed by some invisible ceiling. Its utility as a liquid is now greatly diminished and its usefulness lies mostly in offense.
  
• Wands have two recharges: mana, and spell cycles. Mana on a drained wand will recharge even if you don't have it currently equipped. The spell cycle recharge (the orange bar) kicks in once every spell on that wand has been cast once; this does NOT recharge while unequipped. Keep this in mind for long recharge wands; even if it's supremely powerful, switching to a wand that hasn't completed its spell cycle recharge in the middle of battle can be perilous.
  
• Dousing a wand in pheromone will create it as a possessed allied wand.
  
• Right click on flasks with inventory open to empty it immediately. This is drinking, and sometimes causes effects. Edit: The Feast update has changed this, you only drink 10% at a time and effects last far longer. There is a limit to your drinking.
  
• Drop a flask without breaking it by equipping it and throwing it with the cursor over yourself.
  
• Worm blood can be consumed to see everything around you in a radius. Hold S to consume liquids or corpses to get them out of the way or apply effects.
  
• Chainsaws or drills will chew up corpses and create tons of blood. Especially useful for worm blood. Chainsaws are also excellent spells with which to have a trigger spell multicast, since they lower recharge times, do plenty of damage, and cost no mana.
  
• Purify toxic sludge by spraying some water into it.
  
• Concentrated spells produce high knockback from the recoil, which allows you to fly when using wands with certain spells and a high enough firerate. Even better with Low Gravity, though it becomes trickier to control.
  
• Experiment with wacky combos you otherwise wouldn't. Buoyancy doesn't seem like a particularly useful spell, and it lasts a while. Throw a duration and matter eater on it, and presto, you now have a spell that eats through anything (except cursed rock), lasts forever, and brings you with it. Easily one of the best anti-obstacle combos.
  
• Tap to levitate, don't hold the key. This will get you the most bang for your buck out of the levitation bar. You can reach higher by tapping straight up than you can just holding the key down.
  
• Double clicking on wand spells while editing them will snap the spell to your inventory, no need to drag.
  
• Do not scroll through your inventory, this is bad practice. You don't want to pull out a wand that sparks electricity passively while you're in water, or a wand that burns passively while in flammable gas. Always use explicit keypresses to switch to items, including flasks. Personally I use Q for my water flask, and then Z X C for the other three following slots. If you've made scrolling a habit, disable mousewheel input in keybinds until you've unlearned it.
  
• Understand immunities. Fire immunity doesn't protect you from lava. Electric immunity doesn't protect you from explosions (and pretty much every electric spell is explosive). Explosive immunity doesn't protect you from instantly igniting when caught in a blast. Most explosions have more than one damage component; don't be near a turret tank or acid container when it blows even if you're protected from the blast itself.
  
• A wand with any electric spell on it will electrocute liquids. This used to be instant, and would immediately kill you on contact; this now takes a few moments for the charge to coalesce, so you can submerge with this sort of wand equipped without being instantly killed, as long as you get out in a second or two.
  
• Berserkium doubles your damage and doubles explosive radius, and is one of the best liquids to have. This often causes projectiles to eat through solid material better, including chainsaws, drills, magic bolts, magic orbs, etc.
  
• Berserkium also causes any afflicted creature to attack anything it sees and also gets attacked by anything that sees it. A crowd of berserked enemies will kill each other either until it's worn off or there's only one left standing.
  
• The medics found in the Hiisi Base and below will heal you under one of three conditions: Edit: As of the new Feast update it seems none of these three conditions work. They were 1) deal damage to the medic, 2) be berserked or 3) make the medic berserked. Right now, it seems the only way to reliably obtain healing from medics is dousing them in pheromone. Unless you're trying to intercept healing shots being fired at some other enemy, I don't know of any other method, and am currently testing interactions.
  
• Wand building is beyond scope of this guide, but general advice for getting a first good wand: build a non-shuffle wand with a trigger or timer spell, then a multicast of some kind, then a series of projectile spells. This is a general formula for building a wand with great burst damage that procs at range. Add whatever modifiers you want before the multicast so it applies to all the projectiles that the trigger spawns.
  
• Sometimes a no-shuffle wand's lower mana capacity is a good thing. If you have a particular wand set up to shoot a trigger, then a multicast, then four firebolts, but it only has enough mana to cast two of the four firebolts, this will effectively double your ammo. Now, this wand will fire double firebolts 50 times instead of 25; once the first two firebolts run out of charges, it will switch to the second pair, which it never had enough mana to fire altogether previously. This does, of course, almost drain the mana of the wand every shot, but this is fine for wands you use sparingly, since mana regenerates even while the wand isn't equipped. The multicast number is important, though; if this example wand had a double cast, then after it casts the first shot with two firebolts attached, it would proceed to fire the next firebolt after that shot, and the last firebolt after that, before recycling. If this were the case, the wand would need to be switched, then back.
  
• Edit: As of the Feast update, draining an area of liquid by repeatedly filling and drinking from a flask is no longer feasible. You only drink 10% at a time and you're limited by stomach fullness.
  
• When entering a portal into the Holy Mountain and the screen flashes white, you are not safe. While the game loads the Mountain, you can still suffer the ill effects of whatever liquid lies underneath the portal. To avoid this, hold W or Spacebar immediately after entering the portal.
  
• Many people know this by now, but you can kill a lich in one hit by chucking an Emerald Tablet at it, assuming your throw has enough force (read: put the cursor far enough away).

Tips and Tricks Section 2

• Enemies that can carry wands will automatically pick them up if it crosses their hitbox (and so will you if you chaotic polymorph into one of these enemies). If you don't have a bouncing or boomerang spell modifier, you can heal yourself by dropping a wand with heal charges on it for an enemy to "attack" you with. Keep in mind they still use their basic attacks here and there while holding a wand, but I believe that they only do this while waiting for the wand's cooldown. They'll also attack you once they run out of heal charges.
  
• There are two inventory item pickups that are elemental stones. One is basically an emberstone; it does NOT light up dark areas, but it does make things catch fire, and it quickly evaporates any liquid it touches. You're invulnerable to fire while holding it out. The other is a thunderstone; you are invulnerable to electricity while holding it out. You can use this not only to attack enemies in liquid or standing on metal, but to get through ignitable obstacles; simply spray a bit of liquid near the material and hold the thunderstone.
  
• If you need to lower a liquid level a moderate extent (like trying to get a wand submerged in polymorphine for example) you can throw an empty flask into it (gently).
  
• Newer players sometimes complain about "not being able" to pick up gold because it drops in hazards created by enemies, like toxic sludge or lava. Ignoring the fact you can use water to neutralize these things, Noitaguy has a small but noticeable gold pickup radius. You can pick up gold nuggets that are surrounded by a hazardous liquid just by levitating close enough to it; you won't touch the liquid at all.
  
• You can easily deal with the lich by freezing it and kicking it, or constantly shocking it with electric spells, or chainsawing it in the face. Additionally, a large number of liquids can be used to deal with it too: both polymorphines, teleportatium, pheromone, making yourself invisible, etc. Stain registration on the lich can be very hit or miss, however, so you should always have a backup plan.
  
• Fallen concrete is very easy to get through with anything that does appreciable environment damage, like energy orbs, drills, chainsaws, magic bolts, etc. Even if the Holy Mountain chamber collapses, if you need to get back inside for any reason, it's easy to do so (though you won't be able to edit wands). And yes you CAN reach the top of the exit shaft by levitating; you simply need to tap at the right pace. Edit: You're now blocked from re-entering through the shaft.
  
• You can use polymorphine to fly for an infinite amount of time.Edit: Again, this has been nerfed, your flight is limited. There might be a way to fly infinitely still with poly, but it would require a balancing act of knowing just how much to push upwards in a single poly transformation.
  
• Always have some sort of explosive or electric attack to deal with armored/metal enemies. They're resistant to standard attacks, and very resistant to anything that does slice damage, like sawblades or arrows. Lightning bolt spells are good; they aren't nearly as dangerous to you as they might seem without protection, so long as you don't try using it in enclosed passages or blast something too close to you. Beware of other electric spells, though.
  
• In the Vault, assuming you make it that far, there is a second enemy that heals: a floating drone with three horizontal glowing green orbs.
  
• Spraying with a flask will not reveal you when invisible. If you want a safety net, you can bring invisiblium and teleportatium along with you; make yourself invisible, and then spray a bit of teleportatium into the air so it rains down on you. You can use this to scout if you don't have any reveal spells/perks. Do note that if you teleport into any space that overlaps with liquid of more than a few pixels, you'll be revealed.
  
• If you are stained with oil and another liquid, you will only take damage from fire while you are in direct contact with it. As long as you are stained by a non-oil liquid like water or toxic sludge (berserkium etc. do not count), you will not catch fire and remain aflame. Being stained by a non-oil liquid by itself will naturally protect you from being hurt by fire at all.
  
• Noitaguy propels himself a bit faster when he's pushing up off the ground. Because of this, you can keep tapping up while walking to "hop," which allows you to move slightly faster than normal.

Perks and Their Ratings

There are lots of potential uses and interactions for and between perks. This will not be an exhaustive exploration of them, just a quick and summarized note of each perk and how "good" I find it to be. Your mileage may vary, though if it does vary a great deal from MY mileage, then you're clearly not the ridiculously esteemed, cultured patrician that I so obviously am. Harumph and good day, sir!

Perks are ranked as follows:

• S: amazing, a must-have if it shows up
  
• A: very good, a good choice the majority of the time
  
• B: it's okay. Take these if it fits in with the "build" you're going for.
  
• C: not great, but not awful. Better to take other options if available, but no dealbreaker.
  
• D: either bad, or highly specific. Don't take these unless they fit a particular niche of synergy with your other perks.
  
• F: terribad in general, avoid other than for sharts and giggles.

Perks that I deem partway between two grades will have a plus next to them. Electricity isn't as good as a B, but it's not as bad as a C either. I will try to use such ranks sparingly. In addition, some perks are just not great in general but are far more useful for exploratory reasons, and their ranks change accordingly. These perks will have an [EX] notation to denote they get far better for exploration purposes. Finally, some perks become progressively less useful the deeper you go; these will have a [PROG-] notation.

S Rank Perks

Projectile Repulsion

It's just excellent. You take slightly higher damage from shots, but very little can touch you. The only exceptions are fast shots, which normally are bullets or accelerated shots from a long way off. Otherwise, this does a much better job than an actual shield. The Lich can't touch you other than at long distance or with explosion radius. None of the specters in the Temple can touch you. The Boss and its minions can't do anything to you. In addition, this makes your own projectiles shoot faster, as your field now pushes them in addition to their flight speed. You can now move Giga Black Holes by pushing them. This perk is borderline "gg ez" material. You need to play very, very sloppily to die with this, or you have no protection from elements or explosions. Still watch out for melee enemies though.

Perk Lottery

[PROG-]

50% chance that all perks remain behind after you select one. Its potential for insanity is simply too high to not take this, unless you're already deeply into a run.

Edit Wands Everywhere

Note: this was originally A-ranked. Because of the nerfs to the Holy Mountain and the polymorphines, I have moved this into rank S. Before, this perk was a perk of convenience (unless you were outside exploring), because you could always re-enter the Holy Mountain shaft via polymorphine and edit your wands. Now you're blocked from re-entering this way, and so this perk is no longer one of convenience but rather of extreme utility. This was clearly one of the major driving forces behind the dev's changes to the shaft and the polys.

For record's sake, here is the original description I had: There's no doubt this is a strong perk. If you're sticking to the dungeon, you can avoid "wasting" a slot by using the polymorph trick, or teleporting, or breaking the Mountain, but even then it's a perk of convenience that prevents you from needing to trek all the way back. This is even better when out exploring, far from the Mountain checkpoints, assuming you haven't cemented your current wands as invaluable.

A Rank Perks

Permanent Shield

It's pretty good. It isn't amazing, certainly not S rank amazing, but absent everything else, it does a good job of extending your lifespan and protecting you from various potshots. It won't protect you from stains or stata or effects, it won't protect from melee, anything that pierces soft material will cut through it like butter, it can only block one shot at a time and so an onslaught will hurt you about as much as it otherwise would. But in the battle of attrition over your healthbar, it's a big help over time.

Fire Immunity

This is always a good choice because it never lessens in importance. There's fire in the Mines. There's fire in Fungal Caverns. There's fire in the Base (lots of it). There's fire in the Vault (oh my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ god, is there ever fire in the Vault). There's always fire in the disco, and fire in the Taco Bell. There's fire when you fight the Boss, and when you go to Hell. There is fire EVERYWHERE, and every second that you don't need to be dousing yourself in water from your flask is another second you spend taking down the enemies attempting to exploit your momentary weakness. Thanks to Mossy Steel in the Vault, this is an incredibly helpful perk to have, especially if you have Electricity, since it ignites everything you touch.

Explosion Immunity

Not much needs to be said. There are explosions everywhere too, and unlike fire, these can strike instantly at almost anytime. You can get nuked from offscreen, or a Holy Bomb can go off on the other side of the wall from an enemy using a wand. This is a perk that also never stops being useful.

Extra Perk

[PROG-]

Very useful if you can snag it early on in the effort to help create a specific build for your Noitadude. This pairs well with Greed (an otherwise lackluster perk) for more frequent rerolls.

Faster Movement

[EX]

So basic, and yet so necessary. Exploration is pain without this, and even in the dungeon, this allows you to much more easily avoid vertical shots and get places quicker, making backtracking far less tedious. S Rank for exploration purposes.

Concentrated Spells

Lower spread, higher recoil. No damage boost despite appearances to the contrary. Excellent for either exploration in the absence of more suitable perks, or for tightening the cone of spells that would otherwise spray, an indirect buff for any spells whose balancing is based around being inaccurate. Try magic bolts and shotgun blasts with these and snipe away.

B Rank Perks

Critical Hit

[B+]

Can't go wrong with more common crits. And by "more common" I don't just mean slightly, they pop up noticeably more often. Keep in mind that such a perk is diminished if your wands are built around using status effect to crit 100% of the time. Otherwise, you can stack this perk with multiple crit mods on a wand and get them almost always.

Glass Cannon

In a game where reliable performance and a war of attrition over your health bar is the order of the day, Glass Cannon is a gamble. It's not bad by any means, but you're rolling the dice pretty hard, assuming you aren't complimenting it with appropriate perks or spells. If you get this, for example, you'll definitely want All Seeing Eye or its counterpart spell. You need to play it safe, no surprises, and pray to god no explosions either (definitely get explosive immunity). If you're good enough to win with Glass Cannon most of the time, then you're good enough to win most of the time without it, too.

Invisibility

[B+]

Invisible as long as you're doing nothing but moving and breathing. No stains, no attacks, nothing. This ranks at a B because in order to really shine, it requires other perks; namely anything that prevents stains, like Freeze Field or Repelling Cape, which is most often paired with it. Even then, ghosting things has its drawbacks, namely lack of gold, as well as the ability to unwittingly put yourself in a trap. If you're going along, bypassing enemies, and accidentally get 2% of a stain on you and become apparent, suddenly you have nowhere to retreat to (incidentally, teleportatium pairs well with this for escapes). You CAN still throw things, if you want to Emerald Tablet cheese everything, so there's that.

Extra HP

Takes your health bar and multiplies it by 1.5x. Bog standard. Not bad, but might not be the best choice depending on your other options.

Melee Immunity

Not quite as useful as fire or explosive immunity, this still greatly assists your run, especially if taken early or paired with Repulsion or Shield. It's great for Fungal Caverns (which are all over the place), you laugh at worms, half the things in the Vault can't touch you (literally)...it's simply far more useful and helpful than you'd otherwise think, and you won't feel that usefulness until you've really run this perk through its course. Just watch out for the Tentacle Balloons, their tentacle hits count as both melee and ranged and will bypass both shield and this immunity.

Extra Max HP from Hearts

[PROG-]

Great if taken early. Not great if you haven't grabbed it within the first couple Mountains. Unlike Extra HP which just multiplies your pool by 1.5, this doubles the health of every heart, making them give +50.

Strong Levitation

Lets you fly for double the time. It's practical and useful, but most of the time I have something better to spend my slot on. It isn't great for exploring, because it's simply your standard levitation amount doubled; it isn't fast, or more maneuverable, or greatly increased. I rightly think this probably warrants a C or C+, but I know some people swear by it. There are far better ways to get around.

All Seeing Eye

Very handy. No surprises. Not terribly necessary, but frequently is the best option of the three if you're not rerolling. Quite important if you're going Glass Cannon.

Slime Blood

[B+]

Better than Oil Blood because it has no downsides. You bleed slime which puts out fires and slime no longer slows you down. In addition, there's a 50% damage reduction against projectiles, and most importantly, you can drink slime to regain health if you have Vampirism. The only advantage Oil Blood has over this is that there is no Slime Trail spell, so Oil Blood + Vampirism is infinite health as long as you have an Oil Trail. However, slime is easily found, especially in Fungal Caverns, and it's a trivial task to fill a flask or two of the stuff. Almost an A rank.

C Rank Perks

Homing Shots

Homing Shots are a mixed bag. For slower projectiles with a respectable duration, like Firebolts or the green bouncing projectile, this perk is pretty great. For faster spells, not only is it garbage, it actively throws off your aim. Try taking Homing Shots and fire off some of those laser beams; each time the shots will be significantly off the mark, neither firing at your cursor nor even directly at an enemy. Additionally, this removes a degree of control from you, as homing shots will pick their own targets, and oftentimes this will be the closest enemy, even if that enemy is on the other side of a wall. There are various situations in which this is anything but a plus. It gets significantly "better" (read: more crazy) if you also have Bouncing Spells perk with you.

Electricity

[C+]

You constantly discharge electricity, though you're immune to its effects. This brings with it a slew of consequences you may not want to deal with: exploding metal canisters, shattering any flasks that are sitting in liquid, igniting oil and Mossy Steel, etc. It's a perk that's hazardous on its own, and requires either very careful play, or an assortment of other perks to offset the hazards. Taking this perk into the Vault, with no other protection, is a particularly bad time. Now, sure, you can instantly kill anything submerged, you can zap a robot just by standing on the same metal floor it is, and you can't get electrocuted by any means, but you need to carefully consider whether these benefits outweigh the side effects during your run.

Plague Rats

Honestly I don't know if Rats belong here; my experience with them is limited, and it didn't seem particularly engaging. They can be quite powerful, but for the moment the game seems totally unstable with them, because they can cause a domino effect that ultimately winds up crashing the game. Due to this I'm ranking it a tentative C, but will adjust depending on what changes are made to this, since it seems like a work in progress.

Extra Life

[C+]

If you die, you instantly get 100 health once. It's a nice safeguard, and if you've been rolling with Perk Lottery for a while and are stacking up the perks, this is a good addition to the repertoire as a safety net. If your perk "budget" is tight, however, it may be better choosing something else, depending on how well you're doing. It's really a play-it-by-ear perk based on your current health, your wands, and whether your run is going badly or not.

Revenge Tentacle

The Revengacle. It's fun to see, but just like Electricity, it can quickly get annoying or sometimes dangerous. The tentacle strikes anytime you're hurt, and that includes from things like freezing vapor. Its damage is respectable, but these pull things toward you. That could be an exploding enemy, or it could miss (as it often does) and yank a barrel on its way back, or snag some burning item as a considerate gift with which it wishes to tenderly smack you in the face. Point being, it's a "fun" perk, but there are too many others that are simply better choices.

Toxic Immunity

This used to be a powerhouse perk, and now it's just one of convenience. Toxic as a status simply isn't a big enough deal to warrant taking a perk dedicated to it. It's not terrible, but it just isn't the hazard it once was. The change to liquid stain registration (much needed, really) and the water flask make this unnecessary.

Repelling Cape

Much easier to get rid of stains. Like Homing Shots, this is a mixed bag. You can get rid of stains much faster, but that includes the beneficial ones, like blood or, the GOAT Hall of Famer, Berserkium. This is a good perk for new players still struggling with just trying to stay alive without getting distracted mid-battle by a negative stain, but for everyone else, the ability to hold a stain brings more benefits than it does detriments, and so this perk is a net loss. However, it's very strong with (and often taken along with) the Invisible perk.

Low Gravity

[EX]

Not terribly useful while in the dungeon; extremely useful while exploring. It's always advised to try and take Concentrated Spells with this perk; it allows you far greater control. You'll be far floatier, but you can zip all over the place by firing your wand in the opposite direction. Once you get good at this, you can dodge anything and everything, and you can move places quite quickly. However, without some assistance such as that perk, it's lackluster on its own and can be more of a burden than a boon. S rank for exploration purposes.

Fast Swimming

[EX]

Liquids don't slow you down. This sounds far handier than it actually is; rarely are you going to be in situations where you go "man, if only I could move faster in liquid, this bad thing could have been avoided." It's quite convenient, and you can actually dodge things while submerged, but you're not often going to be getting into situations in which you're suffering in battle due to sitting in liquid, anyway. Unless you're directly attempting to use trails to smother everything, there are much better options. Sits at a B+ rank for exploration, mainly by being paired with Breathless for use of diving into the Lake.

More Blood

Everything bleeds more. If you're going with Vampirism, this is a good thing, but not terribly needed since you should have chainsaws or drills anyway. Without Vampirism, this is a "so what" kind of perk. You'll more frequently have blood to stain yourself and get crits, but you'd only want to take this perk for that purpose if you plan on not having chainsaws/drills.

More Hatred

Another perk of convenience. They all fight each other so you don't have to! Note this will diminish gold a bit. It's not bad, but not really a huge benefit either. This will occasionally backfire when an enemy somewhere picks up a nuke wand or something and fires at another enemy, and you were in the vicinity.

Oil Blood

You're resistant to explosion damage and you bleed oil like the cold, heartless murder machine that you are. This does NOT make you immune to fire, which is why this sits at a C rank. With Vampirism you can drink oil to replenish health, and having an Oil Trail spell means infinite health, if you don't mind turning into a decrepit senior citizen at your keyboard while waiting for that health bar to creep up.

Bouncing Spells

Situational. Really depends on the kind of wands you've got going. Many times, there's a different perk choice that's a much better option. This does, however, become significantly more effective with Homing Shots. How do you think the Tentacle spell would work if you spammed it with Homing Shots, Boomerang Spells, and Bouncing Spells...? No for real, serious question I just thought about.

D Rank Perks

Stainless Armor

You take less damage as long as you aren't stained. Which is almost never. This sits at a D because, like Invisibility, to really get the most mileage out of it you need to partner it with Repelling Cape or Freeze Field. With those it can be quite strong, but I'm ranking it based on its performance in a vacuum, which is poor. Even with an amazing player who avoids getting stained at all, this necessitates forgoing beneficial stains, just like Repelling Cape.

Saving Grace

Such a pitiful show. Oh, the perk. Well, not much better. If your health would drop below 1 when it was over 1, it instead remains at 1, and resets when your health is no longer 1. Did you get that? On paper, this saves you from death repeatedly by preventing your health from hitting zero. It will keep protecting you as long as you manage to get your health back up over 1 after this kicks in. In practice, it's almost useless, because health regeneration is few and far between in Noita, and whatever hit you that would otherwise have killed you will likely hit you again and fatally kill you dead a second time. So Grace isn't very good at her job is what I'm saying.

Revenge Explosion

Waste of a slot, really. The radius isn't that big, the damage isn't that great, it can trigger other things around you that you might not want it to, and in order to function as intended the enemy attacking you needs to be close enough to you to get hit. Which it shouldn't be. There's zero reason to take this, on its own, over Melee Immunity.

Electric Immunity

Like Electricity but worse. For one thing, electric damage is just so uncommon that you're essentially wasting a slot. The one enemy that really throws lightning at you is dangerous because of the projectile's explosive damage. And that's it, one enemy, and potentially enemy possessed wands. Rarely will you ever get killed by being submerged with an electrical charge that wasn't through some direct fault of your own. For another thing, practically every single electric spell has an explosive component; if you're getting this to protect yourself, you're going to want that as well. For a third thing, Thunderstones aren't terribly useful, and you're better off just getting Electricity.

Breathless

[EX]

Simply not important enough to warrant a choice. Its main use is for exploring, such as the Lake, or for submerging everything with trails, which requires a collection of other perks to do properly. As I stated at the top, this ranks D due to its specificity; it simply isn't very useful outside its niche. You aren't going to need this to survive a metric ton of smoke or something.

Greed

[PROG-]

You just don't need it. You get crazy amounts of gold, especially once you're past 20% of the way down the levels. You're almost never hurting for money outside the first couple strata unless you're avoiding conflict altogether, in which case this perk is useless anyway. Also, even if you had tons of gold, there's a limit to how you can spend it; you only have so many spell slots and so many wands. You don't need to buy every wand or every spell, you can't possibly use them all, and half the time I have enough gold to almost do that. This is a perk that sounds way better than it actually is. Oftentimes I'll have plenty of gold and still won't even bother buying any of the wands or spells because they simply aren't very good or not what I'm looking for. Trick Greed is even worse due to the added layer of specific actions. Almost any perk would be a better option than this, because rarely will this define a run for you; even if you take it early, when it's the best time to take it, its practicality is gone by the next level, two maximum. I'd only advise this perk if you're trying to speedrun your way to the bottom and will be short on gold, but even then, there are likely other perks you really, really want in order to accomplish that.

However, I will note that, to its credit, Greed can drastically help you achieve a specific build, if that's what you're trying to do over all else. With the reroll's exponentially increasing cost, you really can't have too much gold.

Attract Items

Why would you bother? This would mainly be for collecting gold, and can pull the nuggets out of hazards spots, but the radius isn't that large, and while it isn't a useless perk it would simply take up a slot that would be better used for something else. This is as "convenience perk" as a convenience perk can get, and barely, at that, considering its range.

Bombs Materialized

You're wasting a perk slot so that you can waste an inventory slot. On occasion this is a good choice; it's better to slap a Holy Bomb into that inventory slot than to waste a whole wand slot just dedicated to that one spell (unless you have tons of them). Most of the time, you'd be better served keeping all flasks in there, or perhaps a Tablet for the lich. There are quite few bomb spells out there, anyway, making this perk even less utilitarian than it might otherwise be (it would be hilarious if you could throw a nuke, though).

Dissolve Powders

Any particle-based semi-fluid material vanishes around you, including snow, sand, piles of coal, dreams of being a doctor, etc. In the majority of cases this just isn't useful. It can be, but just not enough to warrant spending a perk slot on it. It makes the waltz through the snowy wasteland and the desert interesting, but the answer to the question "but why...?" is a resounding "uuhhhhhh...why not?"

Freeze Field

[EX]

Wasn't sure whether this warranted a C or D, and decided on this rank due to its capacity of irritation and its specificity to really make it shine. As mentioned with the other perks, this is mostly useful when paired with perks that revolve around not being stained. In addition, it serves as an exploration tool to get through lava. Many times this perk will be a major hindrance, freezing any drops of liquid into solid pixels suspended in midair, blocking your shots, stopping your movement, and oftentimes trapping you as you're attempting to fight. With Stainless Armor or Invisibility, this is considerably better. It will not protect you from Toxic Ice effects, however.

Exploding Corpses

[D+]

Enemies explode when they die, which is quite the curious reversal of the usual sequential order of things. This can be helpful here and there, but not enough to really make you want to choose this over another option. Now, if something like Glass Cannon or being zerked doubled the radius and damage of these explosions, that might be something; I don't know if it actually does, but might move this to a C if so.

Boomerang Spells

Makes spells return to you and decreases their damage. A double nerf, if you ask me. You may be able to embrace the chaos and have fun with it, but there are too many things to be mindful of, and too little benefit gained, for me to consider this a worthy contender of a perk for anything. Like other perks in this category, you'll have a better option pretty much all the time, and is marginally good depending on what kind of build you're running.

Enemy Knockback

[D+]

It's almost a C rank. Knockback can be quite useful, but it just isn't useful enough compared to the perks in other ranks. It can really screw with the enemies' aim and makes it far easier to put distance between you and your would-be aggressive harem of lovers. This is something you might want to take if you've got nothing better.

F Rank Perks

Leg Day

It's a meme perk. There's just no reason to take it unless you're swimming in other perks or you're just going for a wacky run. If you're very good at aiming kicks, this will synergize nicely with Trick Greed. Speaking of which...

Trick Greed

[PROG-]

Greed isn't very useful, but this is worse (on its own). I want to reiterate how much gold a good player will get without any perks for money, and that is "a lot." So, even if you somehow did consider it worth burning a perk in order to get more cash, Greed would simply be more reliable. Sure, 4x the gold per trick kill sounds like a ton of cash, but unless you're setting up a build directly to achieve the goal of trick kills, you're choosing a money perk that oscillates wildly in performance over one that is a solid x2 multiplier at all times. That being said, I'm no expert on what things count as trick kills anymore (bomb explosions from your wands used to count, but no longer; I don't know if Plague Rats count, or Explode on Death, etc.) but I'm sure there are a couple perks or spells that count as them and can really take advantage of this. Once again, though, even if that is the case, you simply don't need all that cash. Why take a perk that lets you find water easier when you're swimming in an ocean?

Teleportitus

20% damage reduction but you blink every time you get hurt. It's a liability. On a long enough run, it will eventually get you killed; all it needs is a single time of porting you into some lava or acid. It's alright if you're a very careful player who can think fast on your feet, and it can be useful for speedrunning purposes, but almost any perk is better than this one. One of the first things I read on Noita's subreddit was an amusing post with lots of votes: "Everyone takes teleportitus once. Once."

More Love

Waste of a slot. Enemies attack each other less. The only conceivable benefit of this would be the opportunity for more gold from more kills, and the decreasing likelihood that you'll be instakilled from a nuke or Holy Bomb going off because one enemy fired it at another. Just not worth it.

Misc. Rankings

These perks are here because there's no set rank for them, or their goodness or badness is just too subjective or all over the place, or they aren't "good" or "bad."

Lukki Mutation

[Rank Range A - D]

Some people love it. Some people hate it. Seems rough around the edges to me. The legs give you great maneuverability but are also a major liability because they can set off any explosives that come within range. Whether it's good or bad for you is probably more down to a matter of taste and your playstyle; personally I prefer to choose other perks because they give me greater benefits.

Vampirism

[Rank Range S - B]

The hit to your max health can hurt quite a bit if you take it early on, and it leans farther to the "cost" side of things in a cost-benefit analysis. This has to potential to be quite powerful, as long as you're armed with chainsaws or a drill and have plenty of meaty targets, and becomes absolutely ridiculous if you also manage to snag Oil or Slime Blood. One major drawback everyone complains about is the speed: it takes a year just to drink enough blood to replenish your health to any appreciable degree.

Worm Detractor

Works as advertised. No rank, because it's not good or bad, it's a tool you either want or you don't. Like a wrench. You need a wrench, for whatever reason? Yeah? Okay here, it works great, I promise. Oh you don't? So this is no more than a blunt weapon for your purposes then? Okay never mind.

Worm Attractor

Same as above. No rank. You either want worms to play competitive cuddling with you or you don't.

[balmora pete]

Where is Wand Experimenter?

[Owl]

electric immunity D RANK?!? way to discredit your entire guide.

[DuckusFTW]

good guide, too bad this game is too random to even see 10% of the perks/wand mods that are actually useful

[DEFiiK]

Healers in hiisi base also heal you when you have 4 "more love" perks stacked.

[Rednax910]

I would like to give some of my other opinions:
Lukki Mutation: I'd put it at A or B. 90% of the time I shoot explosives before getting near them as a habit, so the legs don't blow me up, but more importantly they have great damage for early game and will randomly impale nearby enemies. Additionally, it removes your levitation because you can now crawl up vertical surfaces which is really useful in a lot of places, and with skill you can also get up from underneath ledges.
Boomerang Spells I would put at C because it does have a niche use: with luminous drill. Aside from the boomerang aspect, it also gives velocity and lifetime to spells, and this means that luminous drill turns into a Star Wars laser thing that comes back to you and deals more damage because it can pierce enemies, and even better doesn't damage you.

[GodFromGodHand]

Great guide!
Gave you an award if only for that sweet ELECTRIC SIX reference!

[Rednax910]

I hate vampirism, mostly because of the health penalty. Plus, there are a lot of places where there's no blood to be found - Temple of the Fart, and the Vault and Power Plant have few things that bleed actual red stuff instead of leaking liquidized feces.

[IceFreeze24]

Was blood money out at this time? cause blood money is hella good

[cyberparodox]

I won for my first time today, thanks to teleportitis. I was lucky enough not to get teleported into lava, thankfully and made it to each of the holy mountains. I kept a water flask on me to stop fire from repeat teleporting me, and I got an acid flask back in layer one. Pacifist chest got me decent loot and I ended up picking one good wand up in the last zone before the boss. I threw the acid flask straight up before grabbing the salt and watched it rain down on him, whilst I ran for cover under the platform. I also had phasing and projectile repulsion field by then so he couldnt hit me easily.

[Azen]

Saving Grace at D?

Are you mad?

If you know how, you can get quite some healing, Saving Grace effectively prevents you from getting one-hit and it refreshes as soon as your life goes above 1.

I don't know how many runs you've had, nor how long they tend to be, but as someone who made the effort to get the little fancy gold chain I can guarantee that Saving Grace is an S-Rank perk