How NOT to be an ass in TF2

Look, I know its a video game, and an online one at that, so you probably think that being a huge ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ is what you're SUPPOSED to do, right? Well, if you want to garner hate and anger from your fellow players, read no further. If not, then please read this guide on how to NOT be an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in Team Fortress 2, with plenty of hearts and descriptive language.

Weapon Choice

Sweet! The random drop system has dropped a shiny new gun in your lap! But before you go equipping it and rush off into battle, think to yourself. Is this really a good item to use?

Remember this list of weapons that are complete douchebag weapons.

The phlogistinator

Ah yes, the phlog. Verified weapon of mass destruction and crutch for bad pyros everywhere. It's "Mmph" ability providing a second chance to those who don't really deserve one. If you feel like pissing off a whole team, theres no better way to do it than leaving with 1 hp, and returning with full health and guaranteed crits

The Pomson

Feel like being a detriment to society? Equip this pile of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ disguised as a useful tool! It deals MORE damage than your stock shotgun at medium to long range without spreading! And at the same time, it cripples medics and spies! And if you call right now, you won't even have to get ammo for it!

The Enforcer

If youre playing a spy who gets caught way more often than he should be, throw caution to the wind and use this total peice of bullcrap! Named for the strictly enforced rules that ban this from all serious competitions, this concealable firearm will conceal any vague sense of skill by dealing immensely more damage with a FASTER accuracy cooldown rate than the stock revolver!

The Machina

If you thought bodyshots was some sexy party game, think again! With an extra 15% damage every time you are fully charged, You can instantly kill most classes, or at the very least, bring them within an inch of their life!

The Sydney Sleeper

Never gotten a headshot in your life? Now you don't have to! With a faster charge rate, mark your territory over other sniper's corpses without even aiming!

The Gunslinger

Too cool for metal requirements? Don't want to have to aim and run away at the same time? ♥♥♥♥ out 100 metal, wait a few seconds, and stop an enemy in their tracks! Did they take it down? put up another one! you'll probably still have enough metal to do so! Be an annoying twerp WITHOUT needing to play an offensive class!

Tactics

If your idea of a camping trip is staying at home watching the enemy's spawn door, Then this is the section for you!

Huo-Long Benchwarmer

Ammo? Who needs Ammo? By sitting in an engineer's nest with your Huo-Long Heater warmed up, you receive more than enough ammo from the dispenser while completely canceling out spies! there isn't even a concievable way you can be countered because you completely negate every negative effect of your weapon!

I only need 2 buttons. W and M1

Essentially, a pyro is a tiny heavy. With an immense ammount of damage and a short conical range, they can leave a weight on their mouse button and STILL deal ludicrous ammounts of damage. WM1ing is the action of moving only forward while simultaneously never doing anything BUT throwing flames. No shotuns. No flares. No melees. Just flames. everywhere. You could literally program a macro to do their job.

Spawncamping

With the stickybombs set up, it's time to kick back, relax, and watch the gibs fly. Spawncamping is the act of closing off your enemies spawn and keeping it closed, giving them no option but to wait for you to leave. Most maps prevent against this by giving multiple exit options, and the ability to build up uber in spawn. But even with that, don't be a douche, move yer caboose!

Ettiquite

I know the internet isn't exactly the home of kindness, but come on people. Common courtesy. Please?

STOUT SHAKO FOR 2 REFINED

Keep your trade requests to trading servers. Don't clog up serious gameplay chats with your trades. On that note, please make sure you have confirmation from a person before sending a trade reauest, and NEVER randomly send trade requests. They waste a lot of time and on low-level computers, can even crash steam. So please, make sure someone is ready to trade before asking, and when in doubt, have them request you when they're ready.

Open Mic Night

Noone wants to hear your pre-pubescent rendition of Rick Astley's Iconic "Never Gonna Give You Up." Unless Mic Spam is explicitly allowed, keep microphone communications to legitamate purposes.

[/h1]Fun vs. Gun[/h1]
Most servers are for legitimate serious gameplay. Some servers are for ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ around. Make sure you know which one you're on before doing whatever you're gonna do. And if you're on a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ around server, ♥♥♥♥ the rest of this guide and just have fun.

Streaming

Make sure people are fine with you streaming your gameplay before you open your screen to the audience. Not everyone likes being the center of attraction, So always get consent.

OMG HAX

If you're one of those 10 year olds who loves screaming the catchphrase of that one breen guy from dasboschitt's videos, then you need to reevaluate a few things. If someone keeps killing you, rather than saying they're hacking, take note of their skills! Hackers are few and far between in this game, so by calling someone out on hacking, you're more likely than not passing up a learning opportunity.

Conclusion

While this guide explains far from everything that you could concievably do to be a complete ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in this game, hopefully it sets you on the righteous path to being a good player.

also say whatever you want in the comments about me not being skilled or me ranting this is the ♥♥♥♥♥♥ internet i have as much of a right to write this as u do to go against it UvU

[Scariest thing ever]

What you say about the Huo-Dong Expander you profile pictureless noob?

[caconoat]

Also, Huo-Long benchwarmer is basically a downgrade of an active pybro; No uber-delaying airblasts. W+M1 pyro would probably get you obliterated by virtually any class unless you airblasted or used your secondary when necessary. Spawncamping is quite cheap, but only if they have a medic. Otherwise, hit-and-run, bonk, dead ringer, or an ubercharge will ruin their day.

[caconoat]

" rockets travel slow just dodge those" Rockets also have really large splash range, which most more practiced soldiers utilize to their advantage, and travel faster than pomson shots. " the pomsons huge hitbox makes up for its slowness completely" I wish it did, but it doesn't. Pomson is actually kinda underpowered unless you use it solely against spies and medics. Phlog pyro needs to not only deal flame damage, but also taunt before they acquire the op second chance without airblast, which means they can be single handedly stopped by a soldier/demo. Gunslinger's mini, as spacebar said, is stomped by Heavy, Soldier, Demo, Pyro, non-tape spies, and snipers.
The only ones in the list I can truly agree are op are perhaps Machina and Enforcer, but even then the benefit isn't too ridiculous, just a small damage crutch.

[caconoat]

"It deals MORE damage than your stock shotgun at medium to long range..." But does about two damage at close range, has projectile speed that can be outrun by a Heavy, and you have to reload more than with stock. Phlog has to deal tons of damage before you can get second chance, and can't airblast. Sleeper has painfully low damage simply because it can't headshot.
I'm sorry if this sounded mean, but some weapons are more balanced than they seem :)

[Pauwfs]

also give the gunslinger sentries a 180 degree turning raduis so you can run behind them when you know where they are

[Pauwfs]

easy way too fix, enforcer has -20% cloak duration pluss its weaknesses, pomson needs to be a reskin of the bison or have the cloak and uber removed, it would still be a fantastic weapon cause you can contribute to your teams damage from a safe distance instead of just waiting to get backstabbed, there needs to be a better item that counters sticky spam, short circuit 4 stickies and your probably gonna be out of ammo machina is a tad op i think they should remove the no hipfire and give it a +25% charge rate, sydney sleeper is a total noob weapon instead of piss at half charge make it only apply piss on headshots and headshots do no additional damage, and lastly the red tape recorder needs to have the building have 100 ammo left when it delevels a building

[Pauwfs]

i like how doctor spacebar is in a prissy fit cause all the op crutches he relies on are getting called out, if you can aim you can 2 shot scouts 3 shotpyros, giving an accurate 60 damage per hit weapon to a class that can hide and see health is completely idiotic, rockets travel slow just dodge those, the pomsons huge hitbox makes up for its slowness completely, and if your talking about a phlog user and good snipers being in the same server you are completely wrong and if the demo phlog pyro whose spawncamping has this thing called a medic, they can cause chaos with little skill required

[Tabb0]

sounds like butthurt :)

[Dr. Spacebar]

Every weapon you mentioned has a counter. The Enforcer doesn't become much of a problem if Pyros are catching Spies in the first place, and a quick Scout can shut them down after their first shot. Phlog is shut down by a single Sniper shot, or you can just run backward firing explosives to catch the Phlogger or force his retreat (he can't airblast!). Mini-Sentries are decimated by Heavies, Soldiers and Demos. Both the Machina and Sydney Sleeper are countered by the Sniper's natural weakness, someone getting close to him; try Bonk! for starters. Pomson's projectiles are slow and easy to dodge, really only good for thin paths. Any form of spawncamping is easily thwarted by the Dead Ringer or Bonk, or by walking in and out of spawn shooting explosives. Pyros that don't airblast or use their secondaries/melees are easy enough to kill.

[disco donut]

you're just writing this guide because you can't counter them.