Praise the Pun!

Here's for the people who like bad jokes and puns about Dark Souls.

Da Puns section 1

If you know more puns, write them in the comments and i'll add them.






Pull up a chair, let me tell you Astora about the fabled Sun's Firstborn...


I tell my friend dragons are real but he refuses to Seath the truth...


What did a disgruntled Lautrec say to Anastacia after she told everyone about his love affair with the goddess, Fina?
Shotel everybody...





It's so cold in this forest, I'm starting to Shiva.


Why do Darkmoons always disappear right before the dinner-check arrives?
Because the guilty pay the price.


What is Pikachu's favorite area in Dark Souls?
Ash Lake.


Oswald doesn't seem to have a Carim the world as long as he's making money off repentant sinners.


The enemy faced an Avelyn-che of crossbow arrows hailing from above.


What did the Chosen One say when their cell phone conversation with Seigmeyer got disconnected?
Hollow? Hollowwww?





Once I get this last rare weapon I will Havel of them.


Whats an undead's favorite mexican dish?
The Nito burrito


What a ceaseless discharge of bad Dark Souls jokes, they're solairious.





What's Havel's favorite kind of music?
Rock.


Most of these puns don't make any Sens.


Why do people hate going to Duke's Archives?
Because getting in is such a boar





Why couldn't the Ashen One buy a sword?
Because they were out of Estoc.


Why are there only two bonfires in Blighttown?
Because of the low flame rate


Why is Andre a big deal in his homeland?
He used to just work in Astora but now he's been made Astora manager





Why does Tomb of the Giants look better on PC?
Because of Patches


Does Mildred work with the Butchers in the Depths?
She did until she got the sack


How does Alvina cast magic?
She doesn't, you're probably thinking of Gwyndolin





How are the walking shrubberies in Darkroot garden called?
Ambushes!


How did the necrophile clear the Burg?
He killed all the hollows then boned his way back to the bonfire


Why do players hate WotG-ers?
Because they force themselves upon others.





What famous runway model has been known to vacation in the Lordran aqueducts?
Kate Moss.


What do you call a talented board game player?
Marvelous Chesser


Why did the chosen one leave Priscilla alone?
He didn't want to Pursuer.





Why did Ingward cross the road?
To get to higher ground so he could flood the other side.


What did the snake man in Sen's Fortress say to the other snake man?
Man, serpent, great sword!


Why couldn't the undead marry?
Because she made a vow of silence





Why was Crossbreed Priscilla angry?
The Painted World was getting too CROW-ded.


I liked Ravelord Nito better when he was still underground. You know, before he souled out.


Why did the Sunbro become King after his father's death?
Because he was the Solaire to the throne





"I once thought of doing a broken sword hilt run, but there'd be no point."


How do you call Nito when he's disguised as a bonewheel?
Incognito.


What's the worst part about the Valley of the Drakes?
It just seems to dragon and on.





Why did Patches kick the clerics off the cliff?
Because it was a hole-y place.


What did Quelaag's sister tell her after she killed several undeads?
You're on fire!


What did Kaathe think of the Chosen Undead's performance against the Four Kings?
Abyssmal.





Why did they put a ton of dragon butts in front of Izalith?
To head off any invaders.


What did the chosen one say when they landed at the bottom of the abyss?
Manus place is dark!


Why did the chosen one change her boots?
The soles were getting too dark.





How did Engyi convince the undead to become a Chaos Servant?
He egged him on.


Why do Anastacia's boots keep slipping off her feet?
Someone cut out her tongues.


When's the best time to go to Oolacile?
After Dusk.





What kind of gear does Solaire bring to battle?
He travels light.


What's Solaire's favorite day of the week?
Sunday!


What did the undead say to his summon when they went in the taurus demon's boss room?
He's gonna taurus up.


What happens if you don't destroy Seath's crystal?
The fight with him can really drag on.


What did the undead use to repair his shoe?
Great heel excerpt


What's the undead's favourite kind of music?
Doesn't matter as long as it has a dark bead





Why are Darkmoon Blades so little fun at parties?
Because they're blue


What did the basilisk say after falling down a hole?
Curses...


Why was the undead scared of going to the iron keep?
Because there he would have to fight all Alonne





Why is nito popular at parties?
Because he has a great sword dance.


Why do people hate going to Duke's Archives?
Because getting in is such a boar


I always get lost in the pyramid of Sanctum City, it's such a mace


Pfff... Dark Souls puns... How Logan you go....


Want to hear a story about the broken straight sword?
Never mind, it's pointless.


What's the perfect weapon for a dumb undead?
The mor(i)on blade





Go and open that freaking window, Lyn.


The enemy faced an Avelyn-che of crossbow arrows hailing from above.


You can play with my catalyst Vinheim done.





I showed my Grandmother Dark Souls the other day....it completely Baldur over.

Da Puns section 2

Didn't think we could get this far with Dark Souls puns, but apparently we can.


Asked why i only play Dark Souls at Knight, i said it's easier at Dusk because you can Hydra self as a tree and invaders can Havel it a go at finding you...and if they send you an abusive message for winning, remind them they are playing a game and should show better Manus.


In dark souls the only sif place is a bonfire





What did the eternal dragon said to the last dragon when he wanted to tell all dragons about important thing?
Kalameet now!


What's a vain knight's worst fear?
Going Balder.


What did the sick giant say?
Gough, Gough!





How did Ciaran get a heart attack?
Clogged Artery-as.


What did everyone say when Gwyn left Anor Londo?
Well, the LordRAN!


Why was the hollow sad?
Because his ghoul-friend broke up with him.





What do hollow strippers get for jobs?
Washing Pole Dancer


Why is the player so often invaded by Blades of the Darkmoon?
cho sin, undead!


I bet at this point these puns are making you gwyn, or perhaps seath in anger.





Yo mama's so fat, she wears Havel's ring and STILL fat rolls


What do you call an Antarctic Lord of Cinder?
Pen-Gwyn


Why don't armored boars use Estus?
They prefer the Great Squeal Excerpt





How do you call the depths in a can?
In-can-descent!


What did Havel name his new boat?
Rock-et ship


Why doesn't Seath hide in the crystal caves?
Too clammy





What did solaire say when he saw legolas in Dark Souls?
What's An-Or Londo Bloom doing in this game?


With all those hands and scantily clad spider-sisters, no wonder they call him ceaseless discharge.


What is the chosen undead's favorite holiday?
holloween





Wanna hear a joke?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Pinwheel


Ash lake is a good place to HYDRAte yourself


You guys see these bonewheels? they're a WHEEL pain in the ass





If I told you: "You have a nice body", would you try jumping?


Why are there so many hollows slumped in corners in Anor Londo?
They went to Smough's and got hammered


What did the Basilisk say when his dentist told him there was no cure for his halitosis?
Curses





Why is Gwyndolin the god of the moon?
Because he's not a very good sun!

[Sutasu!]

It's so fucking terrible I love it. Gonna tell every one of these to my grandchildren, and the last one will be on my gravestone

[Nickolashx]

Not this again