How to be MLG Pro at Team Fortress 2TM

This guide tells you how to be an MLG Pro at TF2TM and get the most kills and be MVP in every single match and pwn all da n00bs and get loads of hats and be an epicly amazing awesome player in TF2TM.

Chapter 1: Rules of Thumbs

So you found this game on the internet called Team Fortress 2TM. It's really cool and all that but you SUUUUUUUUCK at the game in every server you go in, even the ones where you paid to get premium benefits.

Well, have no fear, skrub, because I, your new lord and master, shall pass down my epicly epic awesome epic knowledge of TF2TM and tell you how to be the best player ever. Besides me.

So, first, a few ground rules.

1. Don't do the class tutorials, I'll explain why in a second. (If you already did those, you've already failed the first step. Amazing.)

2. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALLLLLWAAAAYSSSSS play as the Sniper. You see that? SNIPER. S-N-I-P-E-R. There's no class tutorial for Sniper, which is why you should skip ALL of those. All the other classes are either too hard to play as (Spy, Medic, Pyro), too hard to hit with your sniper rifle (Scouts, SOLDIERS HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH), or just plain boring (Demoman, Heavy, Engineer). As long as you're ALWAYS Sniper, you're already half way there.

3. There is no third rule.

Chapter 2: N00b Pwning Hats N' ♥♥♥♥

Okay, it should come as no surprise to you that TF2TM has alternate weapon choices. But did you know that TF2TM also includes a wide selection of HATS??? That's right. In this section, I'll tell you what cosmetics you should use when you're raping the top of the scoreboard.

First off, your hat. The most important part of ALL TF2TM gameplay. I give you two guesses as to what your hat is gonna be.
If you guessed the Ghastly Gibus/Ghastier Gibus/Ghastlierest Gibus/Ghostly Gibus, you're on your way to being amazing. You now worship this thing, it is your GOD now. This hat inhances your performance by 12381246814673256723485756278435%. The game just doesn't tell you it. The best part is that this hat is FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Just dominate another player wearing this hat (which should be pretty easy considering every single person except you is wearing this hat) to get a free ticket to godhood in the form of a busted top hat. (If, for some stupid reason, you CAN'T acquire the Gibus, the Skull Island Topper/Party Hat/Mann Co Cap works too. But make sure you ALWAYS keep your eyes on the Gibus.)





For primary misc., we have the Pyrovision Goggles. These ass-seeking goggles are basically the more modern version of the Ghastly Gibus. You get it the same way - dominate a player wearing them. They also turn everything all rainbow and happy, which is okay if you like that kind of thing in an FPS game, but it's a free texture pack that comes with a free texture hack, so why wouldn't you wear them?





For our secondary misc., we've got the Mercenary. You don't even have to do ANYTHING except LOAD UP THE GAME for the first time to get the Mercenary. THAT'S HOW EASY IT IS TO GET IT.

In case you need more reason to wear these beauties, here's the top 10 reasons to wear them:

Chapter 3: N00b Pwning Weps

Now that we have our cosmetics down, what weapons are we gonna wanna use in our conquest of Valve servers?

You already know you should ALWAYS use Sniper. So, obviously, the following weapons will all be for Sniper.
Okay, look. Noscoping is fun, but let's face it, even YOU know that it sucks at being effective towards your own team. That's why we have this gem: the Machina. Noscoping is for ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, ya gotta get dat charge up and rack up them damage points, yo.



So, you've probably been sniping on a pub server one time, and suddenly, this enemy Spy with GREEN FIRE on his head kills you in one hit. So, you've probably wondered how you can stop those hacking bastards in their tracks. Meet the Razorback. This giant wooden ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ board can block one instant-death attack from a Spy's knife, giving you just enough time to unscope, spin yourself around and hit that Spy in the face with...


The Tribalman's Shiv. This weapon can make enemies BLEED when you hit them. THAT'S AWESOME. No other weapon in the game AT ALL has gore effects added to it. (Except the rifles, but their amazing anyway.) But THESE blood effects can reveal invisible Spies. That's right. They'll be trying to run away with their invisibility hax, but just before they can, they're suddenly bleeding and they have no idea what the hell is going on and suddenly BAM. They die. Just like that.



hell yea

Chapter 4: Strategy is for n00bs.

Title.

NEXT CHAPTER.

Chapter 5: teh edn

THANX FUR READING ALL GLORY TO JUDE BEWM HEDSHOT YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[aaa a a aa AAA]

i rkce n00bs nao hers a setnry 2 protect u're guid xd

[Iceland]

Is good

[hushpuppie48]

THX so much i rek now