[gULi]How to become a pro

This guide is to help you become a pro player at any PC games. You must follow these steps carefully to achieve success. Good luck!

Getting Started

First of all, choose your class. It's really simple: there are only two classes on the pro playing scene. Here I will describe both:
The Scout
Scouts are thin, short, and weigh less than 50 kilograms. This is mostly genetic matter, because they spend as much time on the computer as other pro players. You want to choose this player type if it wouldn't take much time to get thin. You can mostly achieve this with swimming in the nearest river, or doing drugs. Meth is fine.
(also don't forget to wear glasses. Big ones.)
The Heavy
Also known as neckbeards. This is the type most people would want to choose, as it won't take much to get fat. Adviceable drinks and foods: Monster Energy Drink, Pepsi, and fast food. You should consume these all the time.

When you are done choosing a class, and you resemble to someone you would see at a gaming tournament, you can turn on your computer and start work there. Don't forget to consume unhealthy food while working!

The Essentials

So, what do we want people to think of you? That you are dangerous, fast, and in all things, better than them. Scientists spent years to get the best color for this, and they found out that bright green has the best effect. So we are going to use this as our main color.
But first, go to your main drive. If you don't know what that is, google it. You should see a folder called WINDOWS. Delete it, then take your computer to the nearest computer shop, and tell them exactly this:
I would like to have Windows installed
While you are in the shop, look around for some c00l swag. They mostly keep it on the highest shelf.
A free shopping list for you:

• Headset - Important. You won't be listening to quality music, so any will do, just remember to pick one that is bright green!
  
• Mouse and keyboard - The importance of this cannot be overstated. You are going to use this to pwn noobs. Yes, bright green.

Is your computer not done yet? Don't yell at the shop assistants. You aren't cool enough yet to do so. Instead go for a walk.Go into the nearest clothing store and pick up some cool clothes. Your choice of color should still be bright green.
Now go back. You should look cool by now. For the best chance, try screaming this on the way back:
"What do you mean it's not done yet?!"
But it probably will be. Pay and leave.

Back in the Basement

Plug everything back in and install Steam. While it installs, start torrenting the Skrillex discography and foobar2000. You can also put up some sick wallpapers on your brand new OS. Yep. Bright green.
Now, you are logged in to Steam, but your profile says that you have 43.3 hours in Petz: Catz 2. That isn't good. Wait for at least 2 weeks.

Done? Good. Now buy the Counter Strike bundle. Download all of them, and pick one. Then practice against bots.
You know that you are done practicing when you have +300 hours in it. Now go one by one and launch all of the CS games before going to bed, so your profile will always have a steam rating of 10.

Digital Setup

Oh, your profile.
It's not much. It's just a picture of a girl with huge boobs, and no information apart from your name and city.
To have a cool profile, go on a random person's profile where there is lots of text. And numbers. For example:

Originally posted by Csoty:

My gaming rig:
Core i5-2500K @ 4.2GHz cooled by CM Hyper612S (pushpull)
Kingston DDR3 8GB @ 1333MHz
Gigabyte Z68X-UD3H
Asus Radeon HD7870 Direct CU2-V2
CM HAF 932 Advanced

Copy it, and replace the numbers with random numbers you come up with. This should be the only thing on your profile.

And after all this, you should pretty much be done. Congratulations, you are a pro!

Actually playing

I left this for last because it's not all that important. But there are some things you might want to consider:
Using a controller
Even though it wasn't intended to be played like that, to resemble MLG Pros you can try using an xbox controller. It also makes it easier to do spins like Tony Hawk except that he wears protectors lol ♥♥♥. Why aim 1° left when you could aim 359° right?
Note: easier on enemies that aren't aware of you.
Using hacks
Mostly Scouts use this widespread tactic to win the game. Heavies just scream at them in deep, grunting voice. I won't explain how to use these softwares here, as there are plenty of videos on Youtube. Some sites might require you to send a text to a given phone number. These are mostly legit, and you will get your software withing seconds.
Communicating with other people
Can be important. First things first:
Know your enemy
Find out where your enemy lives! This is not to threaten his family; this is for the purpose of saying the right words:
The easiest situation is if the induvidual who angered you is American or British. You can just use your normal curse words. Another easy situation is if he is from either Mexico or Spain. You can say puto.
However, if your nemesis is from anywhere in Europe, your best bet is "kurwa". Many countries use this word, and people will know that you are not screwing around!
If the person is Russian, you can try writing cyka. But you might not understand the answer.
If they are from any other part of Asia, just call them rice eaters.

[The Tuna]

Hahah The "Kurwa" is in my language i wanted real Pro tips but this is cool too Congratz for good joke :D

[SGV.MOUSEHUNTER77n]

Good statement " You forgot about all those haters hate becouse have better hardware then them like this kid Joe69pac kid lol

[Tobi]

great work xDD

[devious goon]

I am a scout and i wear glasses since i was 7 years old :D

[MaKerL1fe K9]

this is team fortress 2 not cs go but i like your video

[Ach1lles^]

I am gonna start eating a lot now

[SALT]

lol

[Video Kojima]

@S1NNR'
u 2 scrub 4 me

[Video Kojima]

@S1NNR'
OYEAH, ADD ME ON X360 MY GAMERTAG IS XxX_Blaz31TUp360NoScope_XxX AND MAKE 1V1 AND I'LL 0WN YOUR SORRY SCRUB 4SS IM MLG PRO, SCRUBLORD.
U 2 NOOBLORD 4 ME

[Dixy64]

laugh the heavy at the beginning i think it s a type of player