How to kill the menacing, the ultimate, Brontosaurus

Here you will learn how to kill the scariest creature to ever rule the Ark, the Brontosaurus. If you want to live, DO NOT, DO NOT, approach this monster without proper weaponry.

What is so scary about the Brontosaurus?

Well my friend, this dinosaur // creature, will not stop at any means if you approach it. There is only one true way to 'kill' the intimating Brontosaurus. I mean look at this portrait of the Brontosaurus!

How to 'kill' the Brotosaurus!

You don't, you knock it out with cannonballs. You need atleast 17 friends and 50 fully imprinted quetzals. This is also for a level one Brontosaurus.
Checklist,
5675 head shot cannonball hits, about 239829 bodyshots for the people who can't do math.
17-50 friends.
50-349 fully imprinted queztals depending on the level of the Brontosaurus and the amount of friends.
Minimum requirements are for a level 1 the Brontosaurus, by the way.

How to execute the master plan

So you need all the quetzals surrounding the Brontosaurus, be ready to fire, make sure that all the cannons are fully loaded, with about 15 billion cannon balls in stock for each of them, you should have plenty of time as the Brontosaurus tends to be neutral. Once you have quadruple checked (you must specifically check everything exactly four times otherwise it will fail) everything, you may fire!

How to run away if you need to

As you can see the Brontosaurus is not a force to be reckoned with. I will tell you the basic procedure to running away from the Brontosaurus. You need 500% movement speed, 500 ascendant whips, and an alpha dodo. By the way, did you know we are selling ascendant whips?
Buy the Ascendant Whip NOW! If you buy NOW you will get a whopping 10% discount! Here are some reviews by our great customers. "This is all I wanted in life!" - Kel, "I love it!" - enchBarry. "Its the quality content I wanted my whole life!" - jak

So, you will use the alpha dodo you have as a distraction, making this creature kill it. To tame an alpha dodo, kill a Dodo Rex, and kill a Dodo Wyvern in the same Ark world (100% possible), one will randomly spawn somewhere in the world. You will need to knock it unconscious, using about 1 punch to the face, as it has 0.00000001 torpidity. You shall begin to feed it stimberries. Where do you get those? You get stimberries by killing the dragon, dumbo. Now feed it a stimberry. ONE whole stimberry. Not two. Not three. One. It loses 15 torpidity a second, so bring some narcotics with you!

Now, bring ascendant whips! You get these by existing. Don't question it. Now, throw your dodo on the ground in front of you. Take out a whip and smack it! It will go towards the Brontosaurus as a decoy! So RUN! The Brontosaurus will probably kill it in the matter of a second, but it is enough time to run away since you have 500% movement speed at LEAST.

If it keeps following you.. don't worry! You can just start over from the beginning! It'll only take a couple of weeks or months to get back to where you were before!

The stats of the impossible Brontosaurus

150000% attack damage per level in the wild. (15.3 Trillion Damage per level)
200% movement speed per level in the wild. (You know, 200% faster...)
2039129048% weight per level in the willd. (1.00000000000000001234556789 weight per level)
328598327589237589234768392467438920% oxygen per level in the wild. (2.2 oxygen per level)
47123857% torpidity per level in the wild. (17.17171717171717 Quintrigintillion Torpidity per level)
0.1% stamina per level in the wild. (500.5 Billion Stamina per level)
3859018592859023185190238590213890126843019438594238% cubed health per level in the wild. (Practically Unlimited... Over 1 Centillion Health per level)
If you think this is fake... it is not, the amazing Brontosaurus is very strong. The wiki is a a lie. It is all fake, it is your texturepack, get a new one. Trust me.

Why, if you are stupid enough to, 'kill' the Brontosaurus?

Well, unintelligent human life form, the items you get from the Brontosaurus, will be need for the Diplodocus boss. The Diplodocus boss will be the next guide we will release. Moving on, the Brontosaurus have the Giganotasaurus Heart in its inventory. You must knock down the Brontosaurus and get the Giganotasaurus Heart.

thanks of the special

enchBarry:Made the first version of it. (like 5 paragraphs or so)
jakenewman123:Made 1.000000001. (like 4-5ish paragraphs or so)
TheAmazingKel:Emotional support.

[Mars530]

WOW ENCH

['ench Barry the Baguette God.]

I can't believe people are still commenting on this, I was like 12 when I wrote this with my friend...

[Mars530]

He is talking bout Titano and picture is stego.

[Dampback]

its hard to understand why people get so butt hurt about this joke
yeah its a troll post, we are all aware... the OP made it very obvious by being sarcastic and using a picture of something thats NOT a bronto
it doesnt negatively impact your life
it may have a negative impact on your game...
but its just a game
so why does a post get some one so worked up they are frothing out the mouth barking nonesense like a junk yard dog?

[twitch.tv/Flakintosh]

Blam this piece of crap!

[x0Z3ro0x]

No the world got the "joke", that doesn't change the fact we think its completely **** stupid.

[tom]

My brain cells are litterally commiting hitler rn

[Dampback]

Is that how you tame a brontosaurus Dampback?

It sure is other Dampback.

[JustCorey]

My crew attempted this with 100 tribe-mates and 20 alpha gigas. there are now only 3 of us remaining and all our tames fallen. We were not prepared.

[Sion]

Instructions unclear got my alpha dodick stuck in a blender