joel's POSTAL 2 Achievement Progress

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 9:23am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Unlocked Feb 24 @ 5:07am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 10:30am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Unlocked Mar 27 @ 11:39am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 9:58am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 11:36am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

Unlocked Feb 23 @ 4:19am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

Unlocked Feb 25 @ 8:41am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

Unlocked Mar 28 @ 10:19am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Unlocked Feb 21 @ 4:54am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

Unlocked Jan 13 @ 7:15am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

Unlocked Feb 23 @ 9:08am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Unlocked Mar 29 @ 5:45am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Unlocked Feb 25 @ 8:20am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Unlocked Jan 10 @ 10:23am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Unlocked Feb 20 @ 5:17am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Unlocked Jan 27 @ 8:55am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Unlocked Jan 28 @ 5:22am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

Unlocked Jan 13 @ 6:52am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Unlocked Feb 21 @ 4:38am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Unlocked Mar 28 @ 9:52am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Unlocked Mar 28 @ 10:23am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 9:57am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 10:30am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Unlocked Mar 9 @ 5:29am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 11:04am

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Unlocked Feb 23 @ 9:06am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Unlocked Feb 20 @ 11:10am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 9:39am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 11:34am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Unlocked Jan 8 @ 8:43am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

Unlocked Jan 27 @ 6:47am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Unlocked Jan 8 @ 9:53am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

Unlocked Jan 10 @ 10:34am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 9:39am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Unlocked Jan 8 @ 8:46am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

Unlocked Mar 27 @ 11:30am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Unlocked Jan 7 @ 9:44am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

Unlocked Mar 29 @ 5:39am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Unlocked Jan 27 @ 6:42am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.

Unlocked Feb 19 @ 4:59am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.

Unlocked Feb 19 @ 10:45am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!

Unlocked Feb 26 @ 10:34am

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

24 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

4 / 30

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

0 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

18 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

8 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

8 / 20

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

0 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

0 / 30