straight up LeBron-ing it, and by it let's justr say...my James

Hey, my name is Carlton Pasterino. I have something to confess. For the last 3 years I've been making fake sub names for Marsh. He pays me pennies and dimes to come up with 50 new names a day. From Thundercuck to MrRabbit69, I've made over 80% of his subs up for him. I'm tired of working like a child laborer. I'm ready to go back to college and make something of myself. I'm here to let the world know.

i dont know these people below me officer i swear

Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells.

LOOK UP THERE'S LEBRON JAMES

My Dearest LeBron,
With every dribble, you enchant the court, weaving tales of glory and triumph. Your prowess on the hardwood resonates with the beating of my heart.