Training Regimen:

Wake up at 5 AM to the sound of headshots. Yes, I sleep with a headset on.
Spend 8 hours a day in aim training maps. Forget social life, this is your new reality.
Incorporate yoga into your routine. You'll need the flexibility to dodge bullets and rage-induced furniture throws.

Pre-Game Warm-Ups:
Start your day with a cup of pure adrenaline. Forget coffee; you need that extra boost.
Do finger exercises to ensure lightning-fast reflexes. Your keyboard and mouse are your instruments of destruction.
Recite the CS player's mantra: "Headshots over everything."

Game Mechanical Tips:
Crosshair placement is key. Aim for the head, not the feet. Unless you're going for the world's first ankle shot.
Master the art of bunny hopping. Become one with the bunny. Hippity hop your way to victory.
Learn to communicate with your teammates. And by communicate, I mean scream callouts at the top of your lungs. Bonus points for creativity.

Overall Tips for Dominance:
Embrace the power of tilt. Turn frustration into fuel for your rampage. Rage quits are for the weak.
Memorize every map like the back of your hand. You should know every pixel, every corner, every hiding spot. Become one with the map.
Finally, never underestimate the power of a well-timed taunt. Psychological warfare is half the battle. Make your opponents question their life choices.

Congratulations, young padawan. Follow these tips religiously, and you might just ascend to my level of CS greatness. But remember, with great skill comes great responsibility... and a lot of jealous profile stalkers. Now go forth and conquer the virtual battlefield, my protege. And maybe, just maybe, someday you'll have your own army of admirers lurking on your profile.