Why are firetrucks red?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The State of Florida has asked us to

Disclose our sexual crimes to you

we were bad, nut now we're good

we're moving into your neighbourhood

You know we're trying our best to be

Functioning member of society

We're not here to start trouble

We're legally required to do the "Sex Offender Shuffle"

 

I'm Larry Arthauer and i'll refrain

from touching my neighbours kid's again

What i did was not to kind

but i'm a nice guy, you'll come to find

I've got a backyard and a real nice pool

y'all should come over for a BBQ

We could make some cold drinks in my blender

But do keep in mind im a sex offender

 

Vernon Douglas is my name

my battery arrest is what bought me fame

But there's much more to know about me

I love to dance, and i love to ski

I zip and zoom through the snow

just strap on my boots and watch me go

But i can't ski until december

so then im just a sex offender

 

I'm charles dolling, dropping rhymes

I've been arrested 7 times

I know that sounds like alot

but 3 of those times were for vandalism

I feel real bad, i got caught

i might do it again, probably not

im not here to make pretences

im here 'cos of my sex offences

 

I'm Sam pound, number 1

apologising for what i've done

case you're wondering what that was

i snuck into a bath room and *cuts off*

*blarghs back in*eats those truffles

im here to do the sex offender shuffle

 

*Sax solo*

 

Hey everybody i'm laura hughes

proving that girls can do it too

and by it i mean touch your cousin

was it worth it? no it wasn't

you wont find me in your child's play sack(?)

'cos i've gotta wear this anckle bracelet

Im not here to go on a bender

I'm here because im a sex offender

 

Last name burmholdt, first name marc

i'm moving in somewhere on your block

not in a house, but in a van

if you need me to move it, i sure can

the last thing i want is any trouble

i've learnt my lesson from the sex offender shuffle