Jihadi JonTron
Sadiqabad, Punjab, Pakistan
 
 
ليلة ... ⠀⠀ ولكن منذ أن طلب مني أوباما تجربة Shadow Raid Legends مجانًا ، أنا مدمن. هذه اللعبة هي لعبة. يحتوي على رسومات. لديها شخصيات. أفضل ما في الأمر ، أنه يحتوي على ميكانيكي صندوق غنيمة لتعزيز تجربتي أكثر من خلال إضافة طبقة أخرى مثيرة تستند إلى فرصة مثيرة للعبة! قبل أسبوعين أنفقت كل أموالي لتصبح أسطورة Raid Shadow. الآن أعيش في سلة قمامة خارج ماكدونالدز مع خدمة WiFi مجانية. في الليل ، أتسلل إلى ماكدونالدز مثل أبي الراكون الجديد ، سترابي ، علمني أن أفعل ذلك حتى أستطيع شحن هاتفي. من خلال الشاشة المتشققة ، ما زلت مندهشًا دائمًا من رسومات هذه اللعبة ... تبدو حقيقية جدًا! شكرا لك أوباما ، لقد غيرت حياتي حقا!
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don't care didn't ask plus you're walter
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Each & every morn, the very moment my crusted eyelids part, I undergo at an insatiable yearning for Garfield Kart - Furious Racing™. I am a seasoned veteran of the original Garfield Kart™, clocking in over 50 minutes of gametime. When I learnt of the imminent arrival of it's successor, my glutious maximum drew clenched, my phallus grew erect, my hairs on end, and finally, ejaculation. My dreams had come true - the day I had wished for every single night for the last several years was almost upon me.

On the night of release, there I sat waiting impatiently, rocking back & forth in my limited edition Garfield™ racer chair, donning my limited edition Garfield™ onezie, anticipating the arrival of blessed midnight. I gazed over yonder at the Garfield™ analogue clock on the wall, which was also plastered in complementary Garfield & Friends™ wallpaper. 1 minute to go. The final stretch. As my eyes were fixated upon the clock face, suddenly within it appeared the face of my beloved: the one & only, Jim Davis. My jaw dropped to my crotch, resting only upon the head of my erect 2 inch shaft. "It's almost time, my child. May the lasagna be with you, always". "YEEeeeeEeeeAAaaaaaAAaaHHHHHhHhHhh" I screamed at the top of my lungs, only to be followed by my father banging angrily upon the trap door to my basement Garfield-Cave. Was I dreaming? Halluscinating? No. I refuse to believe such - the sacred Jim had surely recognised my unwavering commitment to his creation, and subsequently decided to visit me personally to honour his number one fan. *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*. I snapped my deformed neck back round towards the monitor and my large, pupil engulfed eyeballs locked onto the large green play button that had now appeared. I clicked the button quicker than I had ever clicked anything in my entire 40 year old life. Here it comes. The Garfield™ splash screen. Ejaculation.

The screen grew dark. The suspense was tearing me apart, second by second. 10 seconds had passed. "What is happening...". 20 seconds had passed. My heart pounding. "Something isn't right. SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT!". The screen remained dark. My heart sank. In this moment which seemed to last an eternity, I experienced levels of anxiety and disappointment to an extent that I never knew was even possible. And there it was... the final blow. The killer blow. My screen turned blue. Yes, it was the dreaded blue screen of death. I fell to the ground like a 10 tonne bomb and shook around uncontrollably as I entered a wicked seizure. I had little awareness of what was going on as I screeched, vision blurred, limbs flailing, but I felt the excrement in my anoose come flooding out, seeping out of the sides of my man-diaper. Despite my hearing being distorted, I could hear repeated banging. In biblical fashion, light flooded in from above. It was my father - he had opened the trap door to my Garfield Man-Cave. He had come to save me...

"Shut the ♥♥♥♥ up you big ♥♥♥♥ing smelly idiot you"

The door slammed shut and the light seized.
I drifted into unconsciousness.
When I awoke, there I lie in a pool of excrement and urine, some of which was soaked & clotted up in the fur of my Garfield™ onezie. I sprang to my feet I immediately leaped back into my Garfield™ racer chair. I would try again. SUCCESS. There before my eyes lie the beautiful, majestic, sumptuous Garfield kart - furious racing main menu, in all its 360p glory. Without hesitation, I booted up the world-revered, highly-prestigious Lasagne cup with Garfield, naturally, as my selected racer of choice. The scene cut to the starting line and I glanced around frantically. All my beloved Garfield™ characters were here to greet me: Garfield, Odie, John, that lady cat with the big lips - they were all here. The countdown began. *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

We're off. Immediately my eyes fixated on John, who burst off the starting line like a torpedo, opposed to the rest of us, who took off in a steady crawl. This angered me greatly. I beat off the lady cat with the big lips to a pickup which turned out to be a Lasagne boost, sending me launching past all the other racers to the front of the pack. We meet again, John. We were bumper to bumper. As the rest of the pack fell away, it quickly became apparent to me that John would be the only thing coming between me and the elusive 1st place. My blood began to boil as he repeatedly bumped into the back of my kart. A turn approached and I took the inner curb, gifting me a healthy lead. As I cruised along, comfortable in my lead, I glanced behind only to see a pie flying towards me at high velocity. I panicked and skewed to the side in attempt to evade said pie.... but my efforts were futile, for it was no ordinary pie - t'was but a pie of the heat-seeking variety. Contact. The pie sent me spinning uncontrollably as John drifted by, smug as can be. "CURSE YOU JOHN", I scowled. We had entered the final lap and I was slowly making ground back on him after passing through numerous pick-ups, many of which, to my good-fortune, turned out to be Lasagne boosts; but in spite of this he somehow continuously managed to maintain his lead, as if he mysteriously sped up every time I began to approach. "HACKS", I cried. As I took another bend well with a refined drift, the swine finally re-entered my vision. He was done for. I clutched the controller with fury as I spammed Lasagne boost after Lasagne boost consecutively. "Here I come you son of a ♥♥♥♥♥." I passed through a pickup which gifted me a pie and sent it flying ahead. "BOOM". Pinpoint pie precision. I flew past with the largest of ♥♥♥♥-eating grins engulfing my entire face. The Lasagne cup was mine. As I came around the final bend, something began creep around the horizon. What could it be....

IT WAS JOHN. THE FILTHY SWINE HAD TAKEN A SHORTCUT. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", I screeched. He crossed the line, and I followed shortly after. Devastation. Despair. How could this be? I was the chosen one: visited & blessed by the one and only Jim Davis. I yanked the computer power plug from the wall socket. No more. I was a failure. Ever since that horrid day I have been unable to bring myself to experience the game again, for I am eternally haunted by Jim's disappointment; but I can however assure you it is unfathomably enthralling and well worth your full-price purchase.
『ASS WE CAN』 Jun 26 @ 4:26pm 
Garfielt my balls
『ASS WE CAN』 Jun 17 @ 5:29am 
holy ♥♥♥♥ am i hungry for Beans™

and not those ♥♥♥♥ing terrible 50 grams of sugar per teaspoon heinz "beans" ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥t. who the hell buys beans in a blue can? does your mommy still pick your underwear out for you too, huh? you ♥♥♥♥ing baby. i mean beans. smoky, rough. these beans could burn my house down and i'd thank them i want beans that taste like they wear flannel and smoke a pack a day and beat their wife, not some PG piece of crap that watches disney channel and cries when a dog dies in a movie. these beans better be so goddamn rich that i can feel my arteries clogging and my vision blur as my eyes fill with tears from the sheer perfection of them
Whoa guys 😳 I think 🤔 my grandfather 😮 might be a gamer 🎮

I found a richtofen cosplay 😎🧐 from cod zombies 🧟‍♂️ in his closet 🚪it's even got the ♥♥♥ epic zombies symbol ♥♥♥ on the arm 💪 which tells me he's a classic 🛂🎮 gamer 😏 b/c they stopped using that ♥♥♥ symbol b/c it looks 👀 too much like a windmill 🌬️ and windmill ⚡ companies and farmers 🌽👨‍🌾 were getting mad 😒

He's even got a bunch of pics 🖼️ of him and some friends dressed up 😜 but the pics must be photoshopped 🤔 cuz he looks younger 🧒 also who ever took the picture 🖼️ def didn't make sure they were ready 🙄 b/c they're all pointing up with their whole hands ✋old people are weird 😂

🎮 Game on grandpa! ♥♥♥
『ASS WE CAN』 Mar 31 @ 2:08pm 
I have an inflation fetish, but its not a fetish about inflating myself, but a fetish about economic inflation. Every day I turn on BBC and masturbate to the news about the british pound losing its value. I vividly remember being rock hard during history class when we were talking about the great depression. To this day I'm thankful for the year 2008, when I busted the bighest nuts every day to the news of real estates losing value
Not racist just don't like em Mar 12 @ 10:19am 
So let me tell you this story about a show I watched yesterday. A guy calls his grandson into his garage and tells him to go over to a table and flip over the pickle. The kid is hesitant at first, but when he flips over the pickle, he sees his grandpa is now a pickle. I kid you not, this guy turned himself into a pickle and calls himself “Pickle Rick”. Funniest ♥♥♥♥ I’ve seen. You should’ve seen it yourself.
『ASS WE CAN』 Mar 12 @ 10:18am 
Im ❤daddy’s 🍆💦 little fidget spinner ߷ when daddy feels horny 💕💕 he lifts me up 👆and puts me on ⬇️⬇️ his greasy ♥♥♥♥😍😍🍆🍆 and i spin and spin 🔄 whirrr 🔄🔄 i get so dizzy but daddy keeps me spinning 💕💕 until i cummywummy💦💦leaving me all wet with his sweaty nectar 🥵