Recent reviews by Gambeano

Named my mount Honda Civic. True to form, I can run over small animals perfectly fine with it! Thanks for the realism, guys!

Montaro is a cute endless runner that is basically Japan with skirt-flipping dogs and killer birds.

PROS
* The spritework is endearing and there aren't too many confusing elements in your environment. Dangerous objects are (usually) highlighted in one way or another so you know which ones to put some interest in.

*Surprisingly challenging, given that DOGE interacts with obstacles in his environment in ways that aren't very elaborated clearly.

*I can dress my dog up as a western gaijin's hound. Oh heck yeah, my dude.

CONS
* The whole 'nothing is explained to you' aspect, which is more of a negative than a positive. I get it, this game was designed around just picking it up and quickly getting into the action, but I can't get into the action if I don't know how the mechanics work. There's a health system, but it usually doesn't matter because there are a lot of things that can instakill you. You can hit the banana peel after jumping for good air, but hit too many in a row and you instantly die? Collide with a crow midjump (or land on the platform and have the crow fly under and into you) and you also instantly die? Just don't jump when you come up to a blue basket and you die for it? Maybe it's just me, but arbitrarily finding ways to die just ruins the flow and prematurely ends a run, just for the sake of 'remembering it for next time!'

*How come it was revealed so early into the game that DOGE was actually a Russian insurgency droid (later abbreviated as RID) sent to plant a bioweapon in the heart of Japan? Do you have any class, JCKSLAP? Does the term 'natural progression' mean dust upon thine wind? Step your game up dev, the industry isn't going to be revolutionized here.

I'm handing Montaro a 7/10, because for all it's faults it still retains the basic elements that an endless runner needs; repetitive yet satisfying gameplay, nice visuals, and a storyline that delves into the depths of dog emotion and how far one shibe is willing to go to serve the motherland.

Before you presume, I know what a good game looks like and this one is definitely NOT one. No, I didn't buy this game because 'hurr cute little girl hurr I sit around in my basement all day being a slovenly weeb hurr' like everyone condescendingly presumes, because they're obviously the paragon of humanity themselves.

I bought it because it looked like a total joke of a game, a garbage Goat Simulator rip-off, and that's what I was expecting and that's what I got. I thought that it could at least provide me with SOME chuckles.

Spoilers, it didn't come close. I don't recommend this game even jokingly. I'm waiting for my refund right now, and I only played 4 minutes of this...'game'.

Pros
+ It's kind of funny smacking random pedestrians and watching them fly.

+ The parkour feature is decent and interesting to a fault.

Cons
- There is no options menu whatsoever. Want to lower the volume of the quite frankly terrible soundtrack? You can't. Want to change graphic settings? You can't. Want to figure out what the controls are? You. Cannot.

- It lags terribly. I don't know if it's just because my laptop is not built specifically for games, but it's not like I lag on every game or something. What is this game even exactly trying to load? One godawful, small map that you can fall out of full of robots that you can smack around and that's it.

- Why didn't I just buy Goat Simulator on sale?

VERDICT

This game is simply an inferior Goat Simulator in almost every way as I've already mentioned, missing everything that made the game fall into the 'weird but funny' catagory. Don't waste your time with it unless you want to prank your friends with it.

How this game still continues to exist is a testament to how Steam has virtually no quality control anymore.

Too lazy to get Ram and Rom? MAGES. just not your style? Don't fret, because Histoire takes to the battlefield for like, a dollar. Why is buying a book fairy a good idea for a dollar? Well I don't know, not like I'm going to tell you right now. Better go right on home now.

JUST KIDDING HERE IT IS YOU BOZOS

For how tiny and adorable Histoire is, her magic attacks hit like a 1929 Cadillac. Magic in general is a refined sort of attacking. You're not running up and smacking the poor bloke with a blade on a stick. Instead, you're letting other morons do that while you stay a safe distance away from their back, setting people on fire WITH YOUR MIND. Which is...well, Histoire's thing.

Although MAGES. is a more versatile magic user with her revive skill and AOE skills, Histoire makes up for this by having MASSIVE INT and MEN stats alongside a hefty EXE Drive, which essentially means 'Yeah there are flaws but it really doesn't matter when you've been atomically rearranged'.

All-in-all, character is worth buying. It's almost like some sort of karmic revenge; I'd imagine that 7 chapters of being locked away has to make you rather...twitchy.

Have you ever felt the compulsive need to beat animals, people and physical gods with dolls?

Did you ever feel that having one more HDD user on the team that never leaves you during the story couldn't hurt?

Did you previously play Victory and fell in love with Plutia's insanity?

Then buy the DLC. She's a pretty strong character, you get her VERY early on in the story and the only thing you'll regret is that she doesn't show up in the cutscenes anytime. Seriously, you'll forget she's there if you aren't cracking skulls with her.

Trove is a game that was recently released on Steam, but already existed prior to that. Kind of a bland start, but Trove is still in like 1.0, so it definitely has room to grow. Right now it's pretty good, so I'm going to go over what it does right and what it could because I'm definitely important sheesh


* Simple yet addicting gameplay. Find dungeon, hold down M1 on all enemies with occasional M2, and spam skills on dungeon boss until it crumbles. Rinse and repeat while occasionally finding ore veins to mine. Sounds pretty bland, but it's actually quite fun and the way the game handles smacking stuff around or crafting that next table is frankly satisfying and doesn't take too long to actually do.

* Progression is quick. As stated above, it doesn't take too much effort to craft the essential stations or upgrade your gear, and not much time either. If you can mine shiny things that are sticking out of the ground and beat up a lot of monsters, you're generally set for life. As of this posting, I have played Trove for literally 10 hours, and I'm at level 12 and 8 on two of my characters. The maximum level is 20, so I'm already a decent ways there.

* Truly free gameplay. You don't NEED to pay for that flaming, 5-pronged sword in the shop because you can find your own if you invest enough time into it. Cubits+ or whatever they're called only really buy costumes and neat mounts, and you can already find mounts of the same caliber off of monsters or craft them yourself like a big boy would. And should be able to. Dungeons always end in chests with 2 pieces of loot that hold class-respective gear inside them, no questions asked. You're a knight? Sword and hat/face mask. You're a gunslinger? Gun and hat/face mask. Simple, useful, efficient. And this isn't even counting in the monster drops.


* The queue system. Currently, you'll be waiting 10 minutes or more depending on your position in queue, which will usually be well over 1000. As the devs weren't too prepared with the sudden spike in new players, this could easily be fixed with hardware upgrades or the like.

* Constant maintenance. Again, the game is only in 1.0 and this is bound to slow down along with the wave of players, but right now it kinda sucks to get through a challenging dungeon or a shadow arena, beat it...and then get kicked out of the game due to emergency maintenance. All that loot and effort down the toilet.

VERDICT

Trove is a fun game for me and I don't mind playing it. Progression is smooth and doesn't take too long, completely free to play if you choose to make it that, and very easy to just pick up and start playing for the first time. Aside from server issues and maintenance that will inevitably improve with time, Trove is definitely worth the download.

Can I review a game as expansive, as wide as Garry's Mod? Can I possibly hope to explain what this game does right without destroying the entire sodding universe? Yeah, I can, I'm writing a review about it right you colossal dumbo take my bullets

The Good

*Literally a sandbox that lets you toy around with anything you want. Want to kill 15 Alyxs that you spawned yourself? Go ahead, you're not gonna have to restart a mission. Want to see an Antlion Charger play Wii Bowling with Metro Cops? Whatever, GMod could care less. Wanna pose models in vaguely sexual poses because you have the mental capacity of a 4-month-old bonobo? Eh...actually ignore that no that doesn't exist

*The gamemodes. Remember TTT? Yeah you do, you mainstream nerd. TTT started off as a mod, but got promote into it's own official one. But they don't have to be famous to be good. Whether it be Melon Bomber or Hide and Seek, Garry's Mod's flexibility and ingenuity leads to some truly remarkable stuff.

* Steam Workshop integration. Let's face it, the actual GMod site that hosted stuff was clunky, stuffed with trash and had stuff you had to manually install. Welcome to the modern age, boys and girls, where clicking 'Subscribe' gets you your content quickly and easily. And with the plethora of models, weapons, gamemodes and whatever else is out there, GMod can be customized and changed to your hearts content.

The Bad

* Nothing really. Some updates may break a few things, but those are resolved quickly and most of the time errors are caused by multiple addons clashing with each other. Trust me, it happens a lot

VERDICT:

Garry's Mod is a game built for the gods themselves to hang laurel wreaths on. GMod is the type of sandbox that everyone dreams of; an open canvas that is yours to altar or destroy. The possibilities are virtually limitless with Garry's Mod, and it is very worth your time and money.





















That and its quality is Youtube famous ya bozo buy it already sheesh

A simple, light-hearted and fun class-based MMO. Wow I'm already out of words here have some bullets

The Good

* Team-based gameplay ensures the fact that players need to rely on each other to win. Your teammates watch your back, heal it if necessary and are all but essential in pushing towards the enemy castle. You might have the best gear, but getting ganged up on by 4 people while you're all alone spells your death.

* A large assortment of gear ensures variety within builds. You might get the same item twice, and that's fine because there's a lot of things you can do with them besides let them collect dust. Transfer buffs, sell it for cash, use it as level-up material, the entire system is pretty smooth and effective. That, and beating people to death with magic flowers always warms the heart.

* Daily log-in rewards ensure that the player isn't always completely broke. Everyday you get some pocket change to use for various item modification purposes (or the spinner if you have a gambling problem) and after a while, a premium item. Pretty generous deal for just opening up the game.

* Its actually free to play. It's completely possible to find powerful gear just by playing the game, and I only bought a DLC pack to have some auxiliary weapons and armor. The kicker? Some of the stuff I already had was stronger than it. Ho ho, take that Mabinogi and Maple Story and shove it back into the cellar, troglodyte.

The Bad

* The game is a bit of a grindfest. Want to equip powerful items? Need to keep ranking up to increase your weight capacity. Want to unlock story missions? Need to keep ranking up. Want to find better stuff that isn't a twig with a smiley face? Rank. Up.

* Matchmaking is a bit shoddy. Sometimes, you'll be matched up with people weaker or on par with you. Alrighty then, fair game. Other times? Say hello to that player with an axe made of tears and fire, with more buffs than your fingers can count. All they need to do is BREATHE on you and you'll be atomically rearranged. This is really the most glaring issue of the game so far, and it is NOT helped by the small playerbase.

* Lag. The game runs smoothly most of the time, but sooner or later you'll find that one guy who won't die, lag teleports and still hits you. How bad could it get? The towers and timer stopped functioning in a round I had once, stuck on zero with no way to gain or lose tower control. After a random and chaotic few minutes, the round ended.

* You spend an uncomfortably long amount of time looking at the stats page after a round. This is a minor gripe, but what am I going to do with 30 seconds and nothing but TABLES.


Overall, this game is good. The positives outweigh the negatives immensely, and the game is free. Free. And easy to pick up. Go ahead, bolster the playerbase. See if I care









Baka.

4 items that perform fairly well given their weights that have plenty of empty slots for your own buffs. And this is cheaper than the customization items by like 6$.

I mean, it's DLC, what else are you expecting?