It's nice to meet you, but it's even better to meet me. My name is SniperSmurf. I have 290 hours with Bastion in total and I specialize in sticking it straight up their ♥♥♥♥♥♥ culo. Bastion is a way of life for me. I go in there, I bend them over, I open their cheeks nice and wide, I get a nice, clear view of their colon, prostate, and the coccyx, and I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ them all the way up to the palm, right up the butt cut, so they feel a burning sensation deep in the ass-♥♥♥♥♥ like IcyHot. Bastion is a way of life for me, I never change my character, ♥♥♥♥ you. If at any point during the match you want me to change characters, I will gladly suggest you go ♥♥♥♥ yourself. I follow absolutely no type of team composition. If you wanna give orders, give them to eachother, don't you dare bring that ♥♥♥♥ to me. All I know how to do is go in there, get a lot of poopoo on my peeter, and a lot of ♥♥♥♥ on my ♥♥♥♥ from sticking it straight up their ass. Now let's go team.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠁⠀⠉⠘⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀I'm telling you, the real reason Walter broke bad was because he received the world's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ handjob which made him reconsider his entire existence. Your wife yanking around your 50 year old half chub with 10% of her attention while simultaneously borderline orgasming at selling a girthy 8,5 inch vase on eBay for 56 dollars is an experience that people in the darkest bdsm dungeons would be shivering at. I swear to god Walter Jr. is probably having a wilder sex life on the other side of the wall with his sock than these two have had in the past five years.
So when he received his cancer diagnosis the prolonged silence was not due to shock but because of pure bliss and relief because he knew that in a few years he'll likely be dead and won't have to live like that.
That's why when he received the news of remission he was so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ angry. And I don't know why people see the Salamanca twins as villains, they were clearly just tryna help a homie out and spare him from this existence. Oh, but why did they go after Hank then, you might ask? Well, then you clearly don't remember Hank's handjob scene from season 4, they were trying to save him from that. Really they were the true heroes of this show trying to save people from ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ miserable, ♥♥♥♥ shriveling handjobs.
And then, of course, ♥♥♥♥ starts happening, Skyler ♥♥♥♥♥ Ted and Walt goes off the chain prolly thinking stuff like "bet she didn't give just a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ handjob to Ted, oh no! My god, I wouldn't even be surprised if she agreed to do anal with him! While I've been pleading for years!". That right there's a thought progression enough to start a man crashing plants in random office buildings. And the way it can mess with your sexual thinking, Lord only knows what kind of cataclysmic insanities Walt was busting nuts to while living alone.
But then Walt has a romantic dinner with Gus, realises there's at least someone who'd probably agree to have anal with him, meanwhile Ted gets paralyzed, no more anal for him, Walt calls up Skyler "I won".
Now Walt can be smug: