I don't really like Slim Jims, but you can.

Extreme. Savage. Macho. Beast-man.

My favorite way to eat a Long Boi™ is to get a nice mild beef flavor. Very mild. Timid, even. If you're afraid of a spicy gyatt damn sausage, then this mildest boi™ should be afraid of your spicy sausage. Then, you add little something special to it.

My favorite is guacamole. You can do this easily with a little guacamole dip, or if you're in a hurry, I like to take a handful and then jerk the shaft of my Boi™ for a nice smooth coating before I get in the car.

You can try other things, too. Sour cream is good. A little white rice. Spiceless jalapeños from a university bio lab. Some refried beans, if you like. Some tomato, sometimes.

Here's a good idea my friends and I discovered while rolling old receipts into cool tubes to have fun with. You take a really thin bread—like really thin, and not crispy neither—and you lay it out on the counter. Put your long boi™ in the center. Now, instead of choosing one delicious guacamole dip to vociferously slap your meat with, ... choose all of them. Yeah. Right?

Choose all of them. Put your sour cream on there. Get your rice in there too. Beat your beans as much as you like, and then slap those little men in there. Add some cream cheese. Chop some onions. Add fresh basil. Take out some of those beans and replace them with Con Chili Colorado and some Cotija Cheese.

Now here's the cool part. You got this flat bread-thing with all this stuff, right? Put your hands on the edge of the bread.

Roll.

Lift and roll, yo.

Oh, hell yeah.

Now it's in, like, a container. You can take more than one or two special somethings on your Jim without those tomatoes getting all into your gear shift.

Me n' the boys used to call this trick a long boi... tube™, I guess. lol idk.